Epic Cooking Fails Anyone?

[jbhlsu]

Where to begin…


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This here! You think you learn from mistakes. Try to hand over cooking duties when I get on the brown water.

[dhall1414]

Please tell me y’all were drinking?

Nope, stone cold sober

[dhall1414]

**** I got another one...westTXgirl's story reminded me. dhall1414 as my witness.

Turns out, this story is about a blessing is disguise and how when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade.

I still have the Traeger as mentioned in post #21. It's 8 years old now. It's great, I really like it, but it can't go past 325. At 350, really awful smoke starts burning and it ain't good. Throw that sucker on "high" and forget about it. I know that lesson well, because...

February of 2020, I am a new dad of a 4 month old, and I have my family over for the Super Bowl. I am grilling RIBEYES! Exciting times. Now, truth be told, at this point I still haven't mastered the steak. I kept watching YouTube videos and they were all the same: SEAR IT! Get that good delicious crust.

At this point, I didn't know that my Traeger was handicapped to 325. So, I let'er rip and put it on High to sear after cooking to a medium rare. So far, so good. I throw those ribeye's down to sear, close the lid and walk off planning on coming back after about 5 minutes, figuring that would be great at about 425, which is traeger's highest temp.

After 5 minutes, I go out to check on them, lift the lid, and what's trailing that lid? Nothing but absolute chaos and flames - that's right - my grill dun caught on fire!

A quick freak out - as the grill is located on my back patio and the back door is open so all my guests are watching. I believe dhall1414 is laughing, my mom grabbed the baby and took off out the front door, wife is looking for a fire extinguisher and dad's geriatric *** has given up on life and is looking forward to be cremated for free.

I followed up with that by closing the lid and seeing that I could control the amount of flames. So, I decided hell if the **** grill is on fire this is the best possible sear I can get!!! They ended up being the best Ribeye's I had ever cooked.

Pics are the steaks that I made, but not my Traeger...but that's exactly what it looked like.

Turns out the best wood for cooking steaks is a shed. The trick is catching it on fire at just the right moment

[SneakyPhil]

Wife and I will be married 21 years in August. The first meal she decided to make me was broccoli chicken with a white sauce. I got home from work and she's got dinner going. I see that she has a printed out copy of a recipe. She tells me that she is making the sauce from scratch. Awesome! After a while it's ready and we sit down to eat. I noticed that it's a little sweet tasting but I didn't say anything. She starts saying that something doesn't taste right. I play it off cause it's the first meal she cooked me. We continue to eat and talk she mentions it again so I start asking her what was in it. Well she used whipped cream instead of whipping cream. Don't think she made it again but I ate allow it that day.

[Duckologist]

A few years we invited a bunch a friends over for supper.
I decided to make Gumbolaya [emoji846]
Bought shrimp, Andouille(sp?) Sausage, crabmeat, Bell peppers, Onion's, Boudain, Spicy Boudain, Rice, Barley, corn & ??. Bought a big ole stock pot to make it in. Bought some clear glass bowls so we couid see what we're eating. Got it all cooked and i seasoned it with some Red Pepper & Cayenne pepper. I knew my guest didn't like spicy. I tasted it. I didn't taste any spice so I added a bit more. I let it simmer for a while so the flavors could mix and there thing. When I served it was OMG [emoji3062][emoji3062] SPICY.
We ended up ordering Pizza [emoji17]

Those ingredients minus the pepper do not belong together in one pot

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[bow4my2]

I’ll see if I can get my ex-wife to send me a few. Lord knows she’s got a ton

[Hoggslayer]

My wife entered me in a cook off about 4 years ago. I only smoke a brisket about once a year so I'm no expert.

The brisket turned out looking great. We plated our entry and then took a bite to test it. It was so salty you couldn't eat it.

I was so mad I threw it in the cooler and took the plate away from my wife and threw it away. She said "I'm turning in something.". She grabbed a hunk of meat and chunked it in the box and turned it in.

We won first place in every category. They said even the plating was perfect. We beat out a few teams that had been featured on some cooking shows. I took home the trophy and $1k.

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[JHT]

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[tvc184]

Volunteered to cook a couple of briskets for opening day of my sons youth football team, wife was team mom. Went to the camp house after work Friday with $120.00 worth of meat, got the firebox going and temp holding at 225. Put briskets on the pit, closed the lid and kept the temp right and lowering the weight of my cooler till 5am. Now it had been awhile since I smoked a brisket, and the whole time it seemed to me the fire box was taking a lot more wood than I remembered using in the past. Whatever, just watch the gauge and pull me off at 5:00. I never open the lid, why would you? The magic is happening. Well, when time was up and I did open the lid 2 12lb briskets were not much bigger than my foot. Temp gauge had gone bad and I was probably smoking at about 600*. FYI, about $250 for BBQ for 20 people.

That’s not funny… but the cause is funny.

Man I must be awesome, I have that temperature locked on 225°!!

[rebelbow]

one nite will working shift work,we cooked breakfast but no one brought milk for gravy.
checked the freezer and found vanilla blue bell. melted the blue bell and thinned with water. first bite ,wow,this aint bad.second bite.dang this is sweet! chunked it

[Big Lee]

Ctom you're steak story had me belly aching laughing. When you said your dad stood there ready for a free cremation!!

[Big Lee]

Here's a couple from years past.

Not long after I married my ex-wife I thought I would do a fish fry. I invited her ENTIRE family and my ENTIRE family. I get my new to me outdoor fryer heating up. Go inside. Insistently telling everyone I'm good. I don't need any help. I battered the catfish up, French fries ready. Hanging out chatting as I know the fryer is going to take awhile to heat up. I learned that day, you can burn cooking oil. All 3.5 gallons of peanut oil black as tar. The temp gauge was maxed out. I kill the fire. When the oild cooled down to 325 an hour later.... I went ahead with my fish fry. It was terrible!!!! Worst New Years day meal ever!!! We ended up with pizza and a side of coleslaw!

Right out of college I invite my cousin and soon to be wife over for a fancy feast. Spaghetti. That's about all I could afford. Well I boil the noodles. He calls. Says hey we are 30 minutes late or so. But on our way. No problem. I'll keep boiling the noodles till they get here so that they are hot. By the time they show up the noodles formed this big sticky block of what appeared to be pasta? We sliced that block up and poured sauce over it. We ended up just having sandwiches.

In college I was home for the weekend. A good friend of mine and I went fishing/drinking. Mostly drinking. We had a great idea. We would only bring beer, cooking oil, batter. Because we would eat whatever we caught. No need for food. Sounded like a great plan. We head down to Bearfoots camp ground in Bend, TX. Wasn't catching anything but a buzz and hunger pains. Finally. Fish on!! It was a gasper goo. Terrible!! So bad we rationalized eating the bait shrimp we purchased at the Bend store. One key item we forgot in our planning was TP... that was a long long long night. At about sunrise now shirtless, sockless and sick. We muster enough strength from a raging hangover to drive to Lampasas. I'm very thankful I am at a point of common sense. I think the heat, being hungry, continual drinking and bait shrimp was the worst sickness I've ever felt.

[ElPescador24]

Volunteered to cook a couple of briskets for opening day of my sons youth football team, wife was team mom. Went to the camp house after work Friday with $120.00 worth of meat, got the firebox going and temp holding at 225. Put briskets on the pit, closed the lid and kept the temp right and lowering the weight of my cooler till 5am. Now it had been awhile since I smoked a brisket, and the whole time it seemed to me the fire box was taking a lot more wood than I remembered using in the past. Whatever, just watch the gauge and pull me off at 5:00. I never open the lid, why would you? The magic is happening. Well, when time was up and I did open the lid 2 12lb briskets were not much bigger than my foot. Temp gauge had gone bad and I was probably smoking at about 600*. FYI, about $250 for BBQ for 20 people.

I had some friends that borrowed another friends pit for a cook off. Same deal, gauge was broke but showed 225*. They did the opposite, by not adding enough wood. They finally realized what was going on when they checked the temp and the brisket was 130* and the turn in was an hour away.

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[Duckologist]

Here's a couple from years past.

Not long after I married my ex-wife I thought I would do a fish fry. I invited her ENTIRE family and my ENTIRE family. I get my new to me outdoor fryer heating up. Go inside. Insistently telling everyone I'm good. I don't need any help. I battered the catfish up, French fries ready. Hanging out chatting as I know the fryer is going to take awhile to heat up. I learned that day, you can burn cooking oil. All 3.5 gallons of peanut oil black as tar. The temp gauge was maxed out. I kill the fire. When the oild cooled down to 325 an hour later.... I went ahead with my fish fry. It was terrible!!!! Worst New Years day meal ever!!! We ended up with pizza and a side of coleslaw!

Right out of college I invite my cousin and soon to be wife over for a fancy feast. Spaghetti. That's about all I could afford. Well I boil the noodles. He calls. Says hey we are 30 minutes late or so. But on our way. No problem. I'll keep boiling the noodles till they get here so that they are hot. By the time they show up the noodles formed this big sticky block of what appeared to be pasta? We sliced that block up and poured sauce over it. We ended up just having sandwiches.

In college I was home for the weekend. A good friend of mine and I went fishing/drinking. Mostly drinking. We had a great idea. We would only bring beer, cooking oil, batter. Because we would eat whatever we caught. No need for food. Sounded like a great plan. We head down to Bearfoots camp ground in Bend, TX. Wasn't catching anything but a buzz and hunger pains. Finally. Fish on!! It was a gasper goo. Terrible!! So bad we rationalized eating the bait shrimp we purchased at the Bend store. One key item we forgot in our planning was TP... that was a long long long night. At about sunrise now shirtless, sockless and sick. We muster enough strength from a raging hangover to drive to Lampasas. I'm very thankful I am at a point of common sense. I think the heat, being hungry, continual drinking and bait shrimp was the worst sickness I've ever felt.

About 99% of the people that claim gasper goo is trash fish will gladly eat red fish. A drum is a drum except a goo doesn't have as much of a blood line so give me goo fish over red fish any day.

[Goldeneagle]

When my sister first got married, she hosted Thanksgiving at her house. Well, nobody told her you had to clean out the turkey before cooking. Came out of the oven with the neck and bag of giblets and stuff still inside the bird. It was OK though. We had homemade pineapple ice cream that she forgot to put sugar in.