Holding a child back (4th grade)

[Maddox]

I held my son back in Kindergarten (made him go twice, once to private, once to public). A year of maturity goes a long way, especially in years 1-24. My advice would be not to wait to long. If you think he needs to be held back, do it now.

[MisterSanders]

My son was born in July, and my wife was hell bent on starting him in Kindergarten this year. He is a really smart kid, you can see the lack of maturity compared to the other kids. Do him a favor now and hold him back. I wish we would have waited and started him late.

[JayB]

Boys, more so than girls, usually do better if given the opportunity to run and play and be free. Girls are usually more social and want to sit and listen and talk. Having raised 7 kids, I've seen what really makes kids do better. Some of the teachers for younger grades can give the best observations.

oh look...what is that?

[Atfulldraw]

I can't get my kid out of public school fast enough, and you want an extra year there?

Sounds like he would benefit from smaller class sizes or a different setting.

Public school isn't for everyone.

[Johnny44]

Never hold a kid back. Keep working with him.

[DEG]

We held our youngest daughter back in the 5th grade. Her age was a factor. Best thing we could have done for her. She went from a C/D student to A/B.

[Tx_Wader]

My third grade year I suffered from tonsillitis constantly and missed a lot of school. My teacher suggested that I be held back to repeat the third grade even though I was passing and my mother agreed but my Dad did not. I was born in August and most of the kids in my grade were older than I was.

So I repeated the third grade and my life was miserable.

All of my friends were in fourth grade and I was back in the third grade. My new classmates who were a year behind me teased me unmercifully about failing and being held back and no matter what they were told about why I was back in the third grade, that continued. My friends in fourth grade turned their back on me and ran with the kids their own age.

I had never been so unhappy in my life. So I started getting into trouble when I decided enough was enough and fought back. Lots of school yard fights that second year of third grade on into the sixth grade. I can remember begging my parents to move to another town where no one would know that I was supposed to be in the fourth grade.

Eventually, with maturity from my classmates, most of that stopped, but to say that I spent a few years being miserable is putting it mildly.

I would never consider holding my child back a year due to the peer pressure that he or she would endure and today with social media I can just imagine how horrible some of those kids can be. If it's a grade problem, hire tutors or something. My problem wasn't with grades it was with absences.

As a parent do what you think is best but that was my experience and just thinking about those years so long ago it still bothers me.

[Playa]

We had a little come to Jesus talk last night. We asked for his input on what he needed and to create a path to success, what behaviors he needed to change. We offered a reward at the end of the semester if he improved his performance. He wants a dog, my wife has been vehemently opposed to another dog, but she relented if that is the carrot that will motivate him. Details on the specifics of what improved “performance is” are still being worked out.

Between us on this board I honestly don’t think he can do it, but I’ll never tell him that. I’ll encouand cheer him at every step. We will meet with all 4 of his teachers over the next week and get better understanding of ther perceptions of him. We did this in the fall and the general respons was he is “the sweetest kid in the 4th grade,” and that we were being too hard on him. But what was an occasional failing grade has grown into at least 1 per week or more. We are open to private tutoring, but frankly the resources here and even in Lubbock are pretty thin. We are open to behavioral disorders such as ADD. While I acknowledge those are very real disorders, I also think they are tossed around and pills given without truly looking for the root of it. I’m researching dietary changes. I think there is some research that point to boys needing higher saturated fat intake and this plays a crucial role in their body chemistry

[Goldeneagle]

I was held back in 2nd grade. Primarily this was because of a move to a different school district where the new school district was several months ahead in the curriculum and I just never got caught up. Technically I did pass, barely. At the time it made me mad that I was being held back. My second year in 2nd grade though went MUCH better because I remembered some of the things that was covered and this helped me to get a better grasp on things.


Looking back on it now I realize how beneficial it was. If my daughter were having issues in school then I would not hesitate to hold her back.

This is what happened to my granddaughter. Moved during 3rd grade. She actually failed. Once school started back up she has done way better. Alexis is in 4th grade now with no issues at all except for math. From what I'm hearing, many others are struggling with this common core crap too. Her being held back did her a lot of good.

[rockyraider]

We had a little come to Jesus talk last night. We asked for his input on what he needed and to create a path to success, what behaviors he needed to change. We offered a reward at the end of the semester if he improved his performance. He wants a dog, my wife has been vehemently opposed to another dog, but she relented if that is the carrot that will motivate him. Details on the specifics of what improved “performance is” are still being worked out.

Between us on this board I honestly don’t think he can do it, but I’ll never tell him that. I’ll encouand cheer him at every step. We will meet with all 4 of his teachers over the next week and get better understanding of ther perceptions of him. We did this in the fall and the general respons was he is “the sweetest kid in the 4th grade,” and that we were being too hard on him. But what was an occasional failing grade has grown into at least 1 per week or more. We are open to private tutoring, but frankly the resources here and even in Lubbock are pretty thin. We are open to behavioral disorders such as ADD. While I acknowledge those are very real disorders, I also think they are tossed around and pills given without truly looking for the root of it. I’m researching dietary changes. I think there is some research that point to boys needing higher saturated fat intake and this plays a crucial role in their body chemistry

It sounds to me like there could be several things at play here, only ya'll can ultimately decide what the problem is. Obviously there could be some learning/developmental issues at play. If he is helped with his homework every evening and still can't grasp the concepts and produce a work product at an A/B level in elementary school, maybe there is a more serious issue that needs to be dealt with. If that's the case, its not his fault. He needs professional help in that case.

If its laziness and an I don't care attitude, that's something completely different obviously. If this is the case, I would be very leery of rewarding him for doing something that he should be expected to do. That's just not how life works and I feel like you would just be setting him up for failure the older he gets. We all know that as adults, there are no rewards for getting out of bed when the alarm clock goes off, getting to work on time, doing what we are supposed to do at our jobs, providing for our families, etc.... Its our job and the expectation is that we will do these things or there are real life consequences when we fail to meet our obligations. I don't think we impress these things on our kids enough these days. I struggle and become frustrated with my own children in these areas quiet often. I am constantly telling them that life is not all fun and games, that its a grind, and one self sacrifice after another. That's what being a responsible adult is all about at the end of the day.

I also don't agree with allowing students to turn work in late, re-take tests as a routine practice, etc... I'm all about kids having the ability to help themselves and to take corrective action when they fail in some area of their lives, but the expectation should not be that if I screw up, its no big deal, I'll just turn it in late or retake the test. That does nothing but reinforce the mindset that there are no consequences for your actions in life. Again, we all know that as adults, there are real and lasting consequences when we forgo our responsibilities. Do overs are not guaranteed in life and should not be counted on.

Good luck.

[Playa]

It sounds to me like there could be several things at play here, only ya'll can ultimately decide what the problem is. Obviously there could be some learning/developmental issues at play. If he is helped with his homework every evening and still can't grasp the concepts and produce a work product at an A/B level in elementary school, maybe there is a more serious issue that needs to be dealt with. If that's the case, its not his fault. He needs professional help in that case.

If its laziness and an I don't care attitude, that's something completely different obviously. If this is the case, I would be very leery of rewarding him for doing something that he should be expected to do. That's just not how life works and I feel like you would just be setting him up for failure the older he gets. We all know that as adults, there are no rewards for getting out of bed when the alarm clock goes off, getting to work on time, doing what we are supposed to do at our jobs, providing for our families, etc.... Its our job and the expectation is that we will do these things or there are real life consequences when we fail to meet our obligations. I don't think we impress these things on our kids enough these days. I struggle and become frustrated with my own children in these areas quiet often. I am constantly telling them that life is not all fun and games, that its a grind, and one self sacrifice after another. That's what being a responsible adult is all about at the end of the day.

I also don't agree with allowing students to turn work in late, re-take tests as a routine practice, etc... I'm all about kids having the ability to help themselves and to take corrective action when they fail in some area of their lives, but the expectation should not be that if I screw up, its no big deal, I'll just turn it in late or retake the test. That does nothing but reinforce the mindset that there are no consequences for your actions in life. Again, we all know that as adults, there are real and lasting consequences when we forgo our responsibilities. Do overs are not guaranteed in life and should not be counted on.

Good luck.

Normally I agree with almost everything you stated, although as adults we are rewarded through pay for doing our base responsibilities at our job. We aren’t only compensated for going above and beyond. But that is really neither here nor there.

We have not be able to find what trips this kids trigger and gets him excited. If this is it, and by dangling that carrot create new behaviors and habits, then I’m all for it. I also know that as parents what we have been doing hasn’t worked and to continue to do the same and expect different results would be, by definition, insanity

[silentstalker92]

I would personally not want to be held back a year. Maybe try an after school tutoring program.

[bullets13]

If you're holding a young kid back for academic reasons, more power to you. Summer birthdays, especially boys, are often at a disadvantage for the first several years of school. That being said, if your main motivation for keeping your child from advancing in school with kids his age, especially once he's gotten to a higher grade (say 4th or higher) is an advantage in sports his senior year, you might need to think about who's best interest you really have at heart.

[Playa]

If you're holding a young kid back for academic reasons, more power to you. Summer birthdays, especially boys, are often at a disadvantage for the first several years of school. That being said, if your main motivation for keeping your child from advancing in school with kids his age, especially once he's gotten to a higher grade (say 4th or higher) is an advantage in sports his senior year, you might need to think about who's best interest you really have at heart.

Did you read the thread at all?

[Cull hunter]

holding him back is not going to solve the right now problems. Look down the road. Will it be a benefit when he graduates?