New baby and family issues?

[30-30]

Has anyone dealt with a situation like this? My wife and I were blessed with our first, a boy, the last week of June. I thought if anything his birth might bring our parents closer together but it seems to have done the opposite. We live in Houston, very close to my inlaws and we spend a lot of time with them. My MIL is our boy’s daily caretaker as we both work full time. My inlaws are introverted people who like to keep to themselves and don’t like to travel, especially for holidays. My folks are in Dallas and are extroverts who will talk your ear off, and feel alienated by people who don’t respond well to that. They don’t get along well. Further muddying the water, my folks divorced in 2014. Dad remarried, and mom hasn’t. We have been inviting my parents down to Houston (separately) for holidays the last few years, but they don’t particularly care for spending time with my inlaws and want us to spend more time in Dallas. They say they don’t feel welcomed when they come to Houston. Going to Dallas was difficult before with our work schedules and even more so now that we have an infant. I don’t particularly like making trips to Dallas just to spend one night and would rather keep my son’s routine intact whenever possible. My wife says we should stop trying to please everyone and do what makes us happy. But I know that means spending more time here with her parents and further alienating mine. I wish my inlaws were more friendly with my parents when they visit, and that mine would stop making us feel guilty for living in Houston....

It’s trouble in paradise I suppose. We are very blessed that our son is loved by so many people.

[TXJIM]

I don't see what one has to do with the other. Why do your in-laws have to be involved when your parents visit? You see your in-laws all the time. When your family comes just focus on spending time with them. It sounds like your in-laws would be fine not mingling based on their personalities.


As for traveling to see your family, you should be off the hook now that you have grandparent bait.

[junior]

Cant please em all. Both my parents and in-laws live here in town, and it's a pain trying to get to everyone's house during the holidays. Who's house we're gonna eat at for which holiday, who's house do we go to first, etc. Our kids are in high school and middle school, and it's still an issue. We're worn out by the time we get home, and just want to relax! Good luck with it, but there's no real good answer, maybe alternate who's house yall visit each holiday.

[Speedgoat]

Leave and cleave. Family causes more problems than they fix.

[Smart]

Tough **** for them.....They can all get along, learn to split times or miss out. Stop trying to please them all and keep your wife and kid happy. You can travel more when the baby gets older and your job hours aren't as taxing with a newborn. Until then they can suck it up and deal with it and adapt....or miss out.

[Daniel32]

My wife and I had a similar situation

A little background is my wife and I are around the same age however our parents are not. Her parents are 12 years older than mine and both are retired, while mine work full time still. Like your family and in-laws my are polar opposites. My parents like to be social, drink, have a good time, etc... while her parents are very religious, not as social, and like to keep to themselves.

We live closer to her parents than mine (1.25 hours v. 2.5 hours) and with her parents being retired they were able to come visit us and their grandchildren more often. I mean it was no problem for them to show up during the week or weekends to spend time with our family.

Naturally it made my parents feel uncomfortable as they were not able to spend as much time with us as my in-laws. When they were able too spend time my in-laws were there sometimes. What it came down to was they felt more comfortable (and wanted) to spend more time with us and their grandchildren, and not the in-laws. They have nothing against them however since they (in-laws) were able to visit with us all the time it made it hard to have a weekend with just my parents only.

We still allow both to visit but we also make sure to tell each of them there are certain weekends where it's just going to be my parents, or my in-laws weekend only. They both respect that and enjoy the time the "alone" time with their grandchildren.

[fishinguy]

You would think the family "elders" would grow up and act like adults. Sounds like your side is being a PITA.

Honestly I wouldn't focus too much attention on it just tell them to let you know when they want to come visit and leave the ball in their court. Traveling with an infant is really not that pleasant of an experience so I would hope they could make the trip to visit you.

[TxAg]

It'll get easier to travel as the kiddo gets a little older. For now, do what's best for the kid and let the adults pout.

[gingib]

Leave and cleave. Family causes more problems than they fix.

Not if you have the right family. Man I am blessed with parents to all kids and grandkids, and no family drama.

Even with land/estate being split up on both sides with 3 and 5 kids. No issues

Thank the Lord, as I could not handle some people's drama and worlds

[Hi-Lonesome]

Make sure your parents know you are their's first. They may have some resentment that your in laws are so close and spend so much time with your family. I had a very similar situation but then my mother in law passed away. Now my parents are so focused on my brother and his family/kids that me and my family/kids seem to have been left out to dry. We now just do your own thing, pay our own way and come visit when we can. It's kind of sad.

[jlp04c]

A son is a son, until he takes a wife.. a daughter, is a daughter for life....

it's not unreasonable to think that your parents don't enjoy hanging with your inlaws, or visa versa. They aren't friends, and don't have any ties that bind besides ya'll two. So maybe thats an unrealistic expectation to think they'll be buddies just to grace ya'll with their presence. Just a thought.



My wife and I are in a similar situation, we've went to dividing holidays. It's made the most sense, and it has kept us from running crazy everywhere trying to please everyone.

Thanksgiving- My dad
Christmas (we take a week)- it's split between my mom, and my inlaws.. Christmas with my dad is usually picked up in early December, or Jan. whenever we can fit it in.

Then we rotate every year, it gives quality, AND quantity of time divided equally, and as long as we don't bend, it works out pretty well.

[DUKFVR]

tough **** for them.....they can all get along, learn to split times or miss out. Stop trying to please them all and keep your wife and kid happy. You can travel more when the baby gets older and your job hours aren't as taxing with a newborn. Until then they can suck it up and deal with it and adapt....or miss out.

this!

[bigbad243]

Has anyone dealt with a situation like this? My wife and I were blessed with our first, a boy, the last week of June. I thought if anything his birth might bring our parents closer together but it seems to have done the opposite. We live in Houston, very close to my inlaws and we spend a lot of time with them. My MIL is our boy’s daily caretaker as we both work full time. My inlaws are introverted people who like to keep to themselves and don’t like to travel, especially for holidays. My folks are in Dallas and are extroverts who will talk your ear off, and feel alienated by people who don’t respond well to that. They don’t get along well. Further muddying the water, my folks divorced in 2014. Dad remarried, and mom hasn’t. We have been inviting my parents down to Houston (separately) for holidays the last few years, but they don’t particularly care for spending time with my inlaws and want us to spend more time in Dallas. They say they don’t feel welcomed when they come to Houston. Going to Dallas was difficult before with our work schedules and even more so now that we have an infant. I don’t particularly like making trips to Dallas just to spend one night and would rather keep my son’s routine intact whenever possible. My wife says we should stop trying to please everyone and do what makes us happy. But I know that means spending more time here with her parents and further alienating mine. I wish my inlaws were more friendly with my parents when they visit, and that mine would stop making us feel guilty for living in Houston....

It’s trouble in paradise I suppose. We are very blessed that our son is loved by so many people.

Been there and done that. As sad as it is, your wife is right.

[Johnny]

Wife is right.

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[Flex]

Similar situation for us.Live a mile from in laws, my family is not very close. Wife is high class, only child. I'm cajun/white trash. Families don't mingle well at all. Bothers the wife a bit. I just tune it out, their loss if they can't play nice for the good of their grandkids. I just told my parents deal with it, and if they can't we don't want to hear about it. Same to hers. Seems to have worked out over time.