Domestic violence advice...

[drop dead fred]

Long story short My girlfriends 5 year old daughter came to her yesterday crying telling her while she was at her dads house she witnessed him choking, beating, and cussing his old lady. My GF texted the woman and the woman called saying it was all true and he does it all the time. This man sent my GF a text about 6 months ago stating he wishes he could beat some sense into her! (I put an end to that real quick!) so apparently he’s moved on to beating his new woman. My gf doesn’t know what to do she clearly and rightfully doesn’t want to send her daughter back into that, but isn’t sure the right steps/procedures to follow? Any help

[BuckRage]

don't know the steps but I'd let him know what his daughter is seeing and said then I would file it with the family court or whatever they call them and let them know the situation. you have to start a paper trail and history asap. I'd get the advice from whoever can help you at family court or if you have a lawyer etc.

[Rack Ranch]

The girl staying in the relationship needs some outside help/intervention as well. She's obviously frighten and confused.

[Worksalot]

Better make a trip in person to the PD in that area and explain to an officer what you know about the situation. A couple of officers need to make a visit when both of them are home and have a talk.

[Jaybo31]

Have gf talk to her lawyer if she has one. Without proof of anything its his word against hers at this point. It sucks. And as hard as it is you're going to have to stay out of it and not say a word to him. Most likely until there is hard evidence nothing can be done. And if there are custody orders, she can just not let her daughter go over there because then he can turn it around on her. Pretty jacked up all the way around.

[Hoss163]

That girl needs to get out sounds like to me and she needs to call the cops on him get a police report and file charges on the guy . I’m sure your Gf doesn’t want her daughters Dad going to jail but dang that’s just something you never should do especially in front of your kids.. Only thing she can hope is that her daughter doesn’t want to go over there anymore. But rightfully she can’t keep him from seeing his kid but if the girl doesn’t want to go she doesn’t have to make her go either .. Sad situation all together but hopefully the guy will learn if he sees his daughter doesn’t want to see him .If he is any kinda of man at all seeing that his daughter doesn’t want to see him should change his ways pretty quick! Good luck to you and your Girlfriend I hope y’all get it figured out and you don’t have to go over there and put a boot in his azz !!!

[drop dead fred]

Have gf talk to her lawyer if she has one. Without proof of anything its his word against hers at this point. It sucks. And as hard as it is you're going to have to stay out of it and not say a word to him. Most likely until there is hard evidence nothing can be done. And if there are custody orders, she can just not let her daughter go over there because then he can turn it around on her. Pretty jacked up all the way around.

This is the hardest part she doesn’t want her daughter being in that environment, and the poor woman I’m sure is scared to death and very well may say she has no clue what she’s talking about and it causes a huge problem. Waiting to hear back from my lawyer so we’ll see.

[Jaybo31]

This is the hardest part she doesn’t want her daughter being in that environment, and the poor woman I’m sure is scared to death and very well may say she has no clue what she’s talking about and it causes a huge problem. Waiting to hear back from my lawyer so we’ll see.

I know what you mean. Dealt with it for 17 years. Fortunately nothing violent, dude is just about as useless as they come.

[WItoTX]

Having almost zero idea how custody battles work, I would assume mom pretty much gets to say and do what she wants with the kid unless there is a court order. Mom should be keeping the kid at mom's house until this gets straightened out.

Meanwhile, that child is looking up to you as well, so act right in front of her as well, don't fly off the handle or say bad things about her dad, or it will confuse the child as to who is right. Be the voice of reason, not just another angry man. Kids are smart and can figure this stuff out.

Good luck OP!

[breederbuck33]

I would think your doing everything right. Don't say a word to him, document everything, get with lawyer, and keep the little girl safe. I'd worry less about putting the girls dad in jail, and more about keeping her out of harms way. If he'll hit a woman what makes you think he won't lash out on that little girl. Prayers up for your family

[alwaysinshorts]

Better make a trip in person to the PD in that area and explain to an officer what you know about the situation. A couple of officers need to make a visit when both of them are home and have a talk.

An attorney is going to tell you that they cannot do anything or will not do anything until someone is willing to pay for their services.

The advice above is the best. If you have ever been to court you will know that documentation is your friend. the best way to document something is to go to the police department and file a complaint about it. When it occurs again you will have it documented.

Do the same thing with CPS. Call them.

[alwaysinshorts]

Having almost zero idea how custody battles work, I would assume mom pretty much gets to say and do what she wants with the kid unless there is a court order. Mom should be keeping the kid at mom's house until this gets straightened out.

Meanwhile, that child is looking up to you as well, so act right in front of her as well, don't fly off the handle or say bad things about her dad, or it will confuse the child as to who is right. Be the voice of reason, not just another angry man. Kids are smart and can figure this stuff out.

Good luck OP!

"Mom should be keeping the kid at mom's house until this gets straightened out." this is actually not the correct answer as nothing has been proven. In order for this to happen there needs to be some form of court judgement that she can keep the child at home until this is resolved. Otherwise you can be in contempt of court as you have a decree that states when the child is supposed to go to her fathers.

[drop dead fred]

By law we can’t just say no he can’t have her....hard pill to swallow letting a baby girl go into that mess

[Mudslinger]

Prayers and good luck and hope everyone stays safe and is not harmed.

[cehorn]

I went thru something similar a couple of years ago but slightly different (new husband hit my ex in front of the kids and ex told me about it). I immediately called my lawyer (happened on a Sunday and my lawyer's phone was ringing Monday at 8) and started the process. Temp orders can be filed and achieved pretty quick when it comes to something like this. This would be a temporary injunction to keep her daughter from being in that situation until it is resolved, i.e. the daughter stays with mom until it is figured out or at least a plan is figured out. Overall resolution was a long drawn out process but it was worth it for the safety of my kids. Again my situation was different but we ended up with a court order where the new husband couldn't be around my kids at all until the court said he could. In order to reverse the court order he had to go to professional anger management counseling and get the counselor to sign off that he wasn't a threat. He decided he didn't have a problem and my ex and him are now divorced since it was either lose the kids or the new husband.

There are many issues involved here but there are 2 that make quick action necessary in my opinion. First if dad will do that to his old lady I think odds are pretty good he would do it to his daughter and y'all can't risk that happening. Situations like this are also learned behaviors, both the ex being violent AND his old lady taking it. Even if you have zero concern he would lay a hand on the daughter, the daughter needs to learn this isn't acceptable under any circumstances. Otherwise, it will be her accepting it down the line with a boyfriend or husband.

By law we can’t just say no he can’t have her....hard pill to swallow letting a baby girl go into that mess

Correct, you have to go thru the legal process. Unfortunately this will involve paying for a lawyer but the safety of the daughter is worth it. As someone else mentioned, document EVERYTHING. The more you can take to the lawyer the quicker and easier the process will be. This includes exactly what the daughter said and when, the texts you mentioned, the conversation with the woman, etc.

Good luck and I highly suggest doing something quickly in a situation like this.