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Old 06-24-2019, 06:12 AM   #151
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Originally Posted by Puggy625 View Post
Respectfully disagree when one (male or female) cheats. I don't cheat, beat, neglect or otherwise mistreat my wife (s). I'm not perfect as I've stated. No one deserves to be cheated on.

And while you brought up the child rearing. I agree it isn't an easy task. But, did I also deserve to be disrespected by her cheating within 2 months of her graduation by paying for her college degree that I never received any compensation for after said divorce (in the courts, the money that is spent is spent. Cant get it back)? Honest question, not trying to be a smartypants.

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Old 06-24-2019, 07:55 AM   #152
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All I can say is after reading this whole thread, I want to take the day off, go hug my kid, and crawl back in bed with my wife.
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Old 06-24-2019, 08:13 AM   #153
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All I can say is after reading this whole thread, I want to take the day off, go hug my kid, and crawl back in bed with my wife.
Perfect day for it!
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Old 06-24-2019, 08:45 AM   #154
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I didn't file - but I'm glad she did. I miss my kids like crazy when I don't have them, but I know they are in good hands with her and her new husband. He's a good person who I get along with pretty dang good.

I don't think I will ever be married again. It has come up once in the relationship I am in now, and after looking at different things and talking a bit, we are both in a place where we feel great about each other. We live together, we love each other's Families. They love us.

It's difficult for some to understand out of how they were raised or taught/learned. What others think bothers me less and less every day. I will treat people as I would want to be treated. I will do what I believe to be right and help those that I can, when I can.

Everybody is different. It is the same for parenting and anything else.
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Old 06-24-2019, 08:50 AM   #155
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Funny stuff here !!! Love how those that haven't been through it are the experts
X's 1000
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Old 06-24-2019, 10:18 AM   #156
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Well lets see,

My wife got pregnant with a carpenter who was doing remodeling work on our home. That was 34 years ago. I tried to stay with her and raise the child for the benefit of the other 3 children we had together. Did everything I knew and was capable of doing. Short answer to difficult situation...didnt work so I filed for divorce. Was a hard decision with a bumpy ride that became the best decision I ever made. No regrets.

Today, my ex will readily admit she was in a troubled spot in her on mind at the time and behaved poorly. That it wasn't me but insecurity on her part.Now we are both happily married to people we love and all get along appropriately .

I still helped raise the child [ he's 30 ] she had from that affair as I committed and knowing irrespective he is the brother to my other children. There is peace in the neighborhood.

I don't care what others think or what anyones judgement is and know without question everything worked out as it should have.
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Old 06-24-2019, 01:31 PM   #157
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i was fortunate enough to recognize a bad situation before we said i do. 3 months from the date i had a conversation with my brother about how i was feeling. everyone finally gave me the truth of what they thought of my ex.

dodged a bullet.
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Old 06-24-2019, 01:32 PM   #158
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Other then a cheating spouse what has caused or gives you cause for a divorce?
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Old 06-24-2019, 02:36 PM   #159
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My heart breaks for you guys who have to take one on the chin like this. Several of my childhood friend's parents got divorced for whatever reason they saw fit and it tore their kid's apart emotionally.

God made it clear that the only legitimate reason for divorce is death or adultery.
I read all the responses and see some of the frustration coming from those who were cheated on. You don't have to validate anything to us. We are just a bunch of strangers on the internet. In the eyes of God, your divorce is permissible. That does not make it any less painful but you should not be ashamed because you did not do the act. She did. Nobody is perfect in any relationship, but marriage takes work if it will succeed. I'm not saying you did not work at it either. Just a generalization.

Met my now wife a few weeks after a toxic relationship breakup. Dated for over a year and we have been married now 7 years with a 4 year old son.


My only advice would be to take the time to really get to know that person before tying the knot. Lots of younger kids get hitched way too soon and it ends badly, especially of kids are involved.

Last edited by bloodstick; 06-24-2019 at 02:39 PM.
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Old 06-24-2019, 02:40 PM   #160
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Cheaper to keepher.
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Old 06-24-2019, 02:59 PM   #161
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Cheaper to keepher.
Can't put a price on happiness.
You can make more money.
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Old 06-24-2019, 05:58 PM   #162
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Can't put a price on happiness.
You can make more money.
Absolutely
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Old 06-24-2019, 06:02 PM   #163
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Originally Posted by LlanoHunter10 View Post
Is there a way you can assure she wont get half of your 401k? We dont have kids so the most important thing is assuring she doesn't get half my retirement?
Unless the contributions were made before you got married half of what's in there is hers... or whatever she agrees to.
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Old 06-24-2019, 06:57 PM   #164
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Originally Posted by brysdad View Post
Interesting you say this because I saw an article today that said divorce rates are at a 40 year low, except in people 55 and over. Seems like everyone in my parents’ generation got divorced. I’ve been with my wife since I was 15 and married for 15 this summer. All the guys I work with are about my age and all on our first marriage.

I sometimes wonder if divorce doesn’t skip generations. My parents got divorced 35ish years ago and it still affects my life to this day. For that reason, I think I’m slower to run for the door because I know what it’s like for the kids.

Just a thought.
One thing is the average age people are getting married has also risen over the years. More and more people are waiting until their 30's to get married as compared to early 20's. The reasoning for this varies greatly, but waiting a few years allows for people to settle into careers, be more attuned to finances, age out of the bar/party scene, get the world traveler out of their system, perhaps have a longer relationship with one or more people prior to marriage, amongst many others. Heck, just about every person I know that got married under 25 ended up divorced; while the over 30 crowd was just the opposite.

Perhaps it's just coincidence.
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Old 06-24-2019, 07:29 PM   #165
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Sounds like some of you ole boys need to bite your old ladies ear. It’s a show of dominance. Works well on dogs and unruly wives.
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Old 06-25-2019, 08:39 AM   #166
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Originally Posted by CaptainDave View Post
One thing is the average age people are getting married has also risen over the years. More and more people are waiting until their 30's to get married as compared to early 20's. The reasoning for this varies greatly, but waiting a few years allows for people to settle into careers, be more attuned to finances, age out of the bar/party scene, get the world traveler out of their system, perhaps have a longer relationship with one or more people prior to marriage, amongst many others. Heck, just about every person I know that got married under 25 ended up divorced; while the over 30 crowd was just the opposite.

Perhaps it's just coincidence.
I don't think it's a coincidence at all, dang millenials are killing foolish marriages!!!
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Old 06-25-2019, 08:46 AM   #167
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Which one of you guys had this?

Name:  car.jpg
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Size:  101.9 KB
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Old 06-25-2019, 09:59 AM   #168
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Originally Posted by LlanoHunter10 View Post
Is there a way you can assure she wont get half of your 401k? We dont have kids so the most important thing is assuring she doesn't get half my retirement?
While still married pull out the money and "spend it" Make sure some things are bought for both you and her to enjoy.
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Old 06-25-2019, 10:06 AM   #169
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Which one of you guys had this?

Attachment 961638
She sure has a purty mouth
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Old 06-25-2019, 10:09 AM   #170
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She sure has a purty mouth
I doubt she used it enough to earn that car
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Old 06-25-2019, 10:11 AM   #171
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I moved out but he filed. We used the same lawyer, hugged and went on a lunch date after court. Been one of the best decisions we’ve made for our son. He’s turned out to be one of my best friends spite all the ups and downs. Just wasn’t meant to be.


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Old 06-25-2019, 10:25 AM   #172
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I moved out but he filed. We used the same lawyer, hugged and went on a lunch date after court. Been one of the best decisions we’ve made for our son. He’s turned out to be one of my best friends spite all the ups and downs. Just wasn’t meant to be.


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It's always so awesome when both parties can be mature about ending things. Kudos to yall! Some folks are just incompatible and it's good when people put their priorities in the right place and do the right thing for their kids
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Old 06-25-2019, 10:28 AM   #173
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Originally Posted by NannySlayer View Post
I moved out but he filed. We used the same lawyer, hugged and went on a lunch date after court. Been one of the best decisions we’ve made for our son. He’s turned out to be one of my best friends spite all the ups and downs. Just wasn’t meant to be.


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I get along better with my ex now than when were were married.
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Old 06-25-2019, 10:33 AM   #174
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Originally Posted by Throwin Darts View Post
Which one of you guys had this?

Attachment 961638
I don't know but she sure as heck put a big ol red flag as a petty vindictive beesh on herself with that. ugh
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Old 06-25-2019, 10:55 AM   #175
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I doubt she used it enough to earn that car
If she did it would still be his...
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Old 06-25-2019, 10:59 AM   #176
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I doubt she used it enough to earn that car
That's my wife. We saw that car eating while we were eating lunch in Fort Worth and I told her to pose with it for the green screen. LOL.

Yes her mouth is purdy!
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Old 06-25-2019, 11:06 AM   #177
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That's my wife. We saw that car eating while we were eating lunch in Fort Worth and I told her to pose with it for the green screen. LOL.

Yes her mouth is purdy!
Ha. Well in that case I hope my hypothesis of its usage was way off base
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Old 06-25-2019, 11:10 AM   #178
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Well this is awkward...
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Old 06-25-2019, 11:11 AM   #179
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Im not, haven't been, don't want to be and don't plan on it. There was a time it was close and I think our own hard headedness is what kept us together. At that time I worked far too much. First I spent way to much time at work chasing the boogyman and I let that get in the way. Too make up for it I worked more to pay for stuff thinking money would fix it. Then I thought it was her but Im smart enough now to realize I was an idiot.


Im proud to say our marriage has been awesome the last 10 years or so and keeps getting better. I cant imagine sharing life with someone else. As family we have entirely too much fun to not share it together. Im also proud to see us have the relationship we have when all the others doubted us 20 years ago


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All I can say is after reading this whole thread, I want to take the day off, go hug my kid, and crawl back in bed with my wife.

here here!!
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Old 06-25-2019, 11:14 AM   #180
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Well this is awkward...
Ha ha. I'm dying laughing at it and she would too if I showed her.

If you seen a beat up '14 F150 rolling around Ft Worth in the future with "Was His" on the license plate then everyone wave at her!
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Old 06-25-2019, 11:14 AM   #181
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Originally Posted by LlanoHunter10 View Post
Is there a way you can assure she wont get half of your 401k? We dont have kids so the most important thing is assuring she doesn't get half my retirement?
If you're in Texas, you're in a community property state. Half of your stuff including 401k's are legally hers, & vice versa. No way around that............
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Old 06-25-2019, 11:15 AM   #182
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That's my wife. We saw that car eating while we were eating lunch in Fort Worth and I told her to pose with it for the green screen. LOL.

Yes her mouth is purdy!

Good one!
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Old 06-25-2019, 11:22 AM   #183
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Ha ha. I'm dying laughing at it and she would too if I showed her.

If you seen a beat up '14 F150 rolling around Ft Worth in the future with "Was His" on the license plate then everyone wave at her!
You must have shaved 45 min or an hour off that drive to the ranch...welcome to actual Texas.
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Old 06-25-2019, 11:24 AM   #184
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You must have shaved 45 min or an hour off that drive to the ranch...welcome to actual Texas.
Sure did. We moved to Aledo. I shaved off the worst part of the drive and couldn't agree more that this is actual Texas. We are loving it.
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Old 06-25-2019, 11:34 AM   #185
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Well I have still yet to get married. From things I see and hear it’s hard not to be a little worried about finding “the right one” (or one that it’s right enough y’all can get through issues) I think I have dodged a few Bullets in the past, I’m sure they will say the same.
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Old 06-25-2019, 01:11 PM   #186
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Women innately want to be led. If you are passively living in your marriage, you are burdening your wife with a responsibility she was not designed to handle. Conflict will always be the by-product.
It is unfortunate you got flamed by 3 or 4 folks for this comment.
I believe that the way we were designed was not 'subject to' the whims and changes of culture throughout the ages. I am a 'complimentarian' believing that men and women were uniquely designed by our Maker for particular purposes and roles. Neither is superior nor inferior. When both embrace their God-given roles in the context of a marriage, both parties benefit.
All the way back to the Garden, when Eve chose to taste the forbidden fruit, Adam was standing right there - he did nothing to protect her, he did not remind her of the prohibition. He was passive.

I guess I am likewise a caveman, but I'm blessed to be in my 34th year of marriage to my cavewoman.
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Old 06-25-2019, 02:15 PM   #187
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It is unfortunate you got flamed by 3 or 4 folks for this comment.
I believe that the way we were designed was not 'subject to' the whims and changes of culture throughout the ages. I am a 'complimentarian' believing that men and women were uniquely designed by our Maker for particular purposes and roles. Neither is superior nor inferior. When both embrace their God-given roles in the context of a marriage, both parties benefit.
All the way back to the Garden, when Eve chose to taste the forbidden fruit, Adam was standing right there - he did nothing to protect her, he did not remind her of the prohibition. He was passive.

I guess I am likewise a caveman, but I'm blessed to be in my 34th year of marriage to my cavewoman.
I too agree with what Playa posted, and in fact IF men and women would study God's Word and live by it, there would be no divorce.

What Playa posted is Biblically sound. There are at least 4 places in the New Testament that teaches us this principle. Here is the one from Ephesians:

Wives and Husbands
Eph 5:22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
Eph 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.
Eph 5:24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,
Eph 5:26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
Eph 5:27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.
Eph 5:28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;
Eph 5:29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,

Though each of these verses is important and necessary for a man and woman to join together and become one flesh as is described in the Bible as Holy Matrimony, I want to focus on what we as husbands are to do, how we are supposed to love our wives, verses 5:25 thru 5:29... Look at that! So many read the first few verses and THERE IT IS!!! THE GOTCHA FOR WOMEN...SUBMIT!!! ... but it is a shame if you stop reading right there! God tells us we are to love our wives LIKE CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH!! THAT is a TALL order men! Christ gave his life for the Church. He died for the church, willingly and lovingly! We can never reach His standards, but THAT is what we are to strive for and to pattern our lives after... I would submit, that if a man and his fiance' were to study this one chapter and all it tells men and women about marriage, then get married and both submit to living by these Words, there would not be many divorces, if any. In today's society and culture however, that is a hard task to get done. There's a very good chance it won't happen if there is NO Bible study or love of God in your lives.

Please do not misunderstand me! I am NOT preaching to anyone, nor am I trying to shame anyone, but instead I am offering up a way to make it work whether you started your marriage in this manner or are still wanting to try to make it work, whether it be for the kids or just because... Men, love your wives like Christ loved the Church... Give it your all and everything... If she still is unfaithful or leaves, your conscience would be completely clear, Grieved but clear as having done everything humanly possible to make it work. God gave us an out for infidelity. Use it if you must and bee OK with it.

Last edited by SaltwaterSlick; 06-25-2019 at 02:21 PM.
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Old 06-25-2019, 02:35 PM   #188
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Originally Posted by SaltwaterSlick View Post
I too agree with what Playa posted, and in fact IF men and women would study God's Word and live by it, there would be no divorce.

What Playa posted is Biblically sound. There are at least 4 places in the New Testament that teaches us this principle. Here is the one from Ephesians:

Wives and Husbands
Eph 5:22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
Eph 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.
Eph 5:24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,
Eph 5:26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
Eph 5:27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.
Eph 5:28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;
Eph 5:29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,

Though each of these verses is important and necessary for a man and woman to join together and become one flesh as is described in the Bible as Holy Matrimony, I want to focus on what we as husbands are to do, how we are supposed to love our wives, verses 5:25 thru 5:29... Look at that! So many read the first few verses and THERE IT IS!!! THE GOTCHA FOR WOMEN...SUBMIT!!! ... but it is a shame if you stop reading right there! God tells us we are to love our wives LIKE CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH!! THAT is a TALL order men! Christ gave his life for the Church. He died for the church, willingly and lovingly! We can never reach His standards, but THAT is what we are to strive for and to pattern our lives after... I would submit, that if a man and his fiance' were to study this one chapter and all it tells men and women about marriage, then get married and both submit to living by these Words, there would not be many divorces, if any. In today's society and culture however, that is a hard task to get done. There's a very good chance it won't happen if there is NO Bible study or love of God in your lives.

Please do not misunderstand me! I am NOT preaching to anyone, nor am I trying to shame anyone, but instead I am offering up a way to make it work whether you started your marriage in this manner or are still wanting to try to make it work, whether it be for the kids or just because... Men, love your wives like Christ loved the Church... Give it your all and everything... If she still is unfaithful or leaves, your conscience would be completely clear, Grieved but clear as having done everything humanly possible to make it work. God gave us an out for infidelity. Use it if you must and bee OK with it.


Problem is, women aren’t raised like that anymore. PLUS, they have a financial “out”. Right or wrong, that’s how it is. I agree, IF people followed the Word, this would be a moot point. I 100% agree with that last sentence as well. Today’s society is sad. People think they don’t love each other when they aren’t “in love” and the new wears off. However, I have seen too many men think that “head of the house” to mean that they have carte blanche to be a jackass. They cherry pick that part for their own benefit and ignore the rest. People will fall back to the “women weren’t like that in our day. There wasn’t near the divorce”.
Of course there wasn’t. Women had next to no options for good jobs, coupled with the stigma of being a divorcee’. Faced with that, yeah staying married was abt the only choice. As times changed and more opportunities for women became available, as well as an instant gratification society, the rise in divorce was I inevitable. But cheating is the #1 deal breaker.


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Old 06-25-2019, 04:40 PM   #189
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Problem is, women aren’t raised like that anymore. PLUS, they have a financial “out”. Right or wrong, that’s how it is. I agree, IF people followed the Word, this would be a moot point. I 100% agree with that last sentence as well. Today’s society is sad. People think they don’t love each other when they aren’t “in love” and the new wears off. However, I have seen too many men think that “head of the house” to mean that they have carte blanche to be a jackass. They cherry pick that part for their own benefit and ignore the rest. People will fall back to the “women weren’t like that in our day. There wasn’t near the divorce”.
Of course there wasn’t. Women had next to no options for good jobs, coupled with the stigma of being a divorcee’. Faced with that, yeah staying married was abt the only choice. As times changed and more opportunities for women became available, as well as an instant gratification society, the rise in divorce was I inevitable. But cheating is the #1 deal breaker.


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Sad words but well said sir.
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Old 06-25-2019, 05:32 PM   #190
Charles
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That's my wife. We saw that car eating while we were eating lunch in Fort Worth and I told her to pose with it for the green screen. LOL.

Yes her mouth is purdy!
She told me she wasn't married
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Old 06-25-2019, 06:08 PM   #191
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I don't know but she sure as heck put a big ol red flag as a petty vindictive beesh on herself with that. ugh


Dealer plate doesn’t help either


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Old 06-25-2019, 07:14 PM   #192
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Father's Day last year my wife told me she wanted a divorce. It totally blindsided me and left me reeling like I'd been given a death sentence. We hadn't been in the best spot for a time, but I never thought she would want to end it. We have two kids together 11 and 5 at the time. I was agnostic boarding on atheist, she was an on again off again christiain but had quit going for a while. The lack of faith on my part was a problem, but there were other things.

I tried everything to save the marriage, offered going to counsiling, reached out to her preacher, her family, our mutual friends etc. She wasn't having any of it. 3 weeks later, she moved into our guest room, took off her wedding ring and changed her facebook status to "single" and started taking lots of "risque" pictures and updating it. Lots of filters, cleavage etc(shes 48). A few more weeks went by and I heard the "conversations" with someone else. Late night, lots of passion, lots of things I can't print. My kids heard it too. I ended up sleeping with ear plugs for months.

I still tried keeping her here, fought hard, begged, when to church, tried to pray, still nothing. Then she blocked me on any social media from seeing her. Her family basically took her side and I was "out". For the record, shes a financial train wreck, pathological liar, and couldnt finance a gumball with 50% down. That caused lots of problems for us. I bailed her out financially more times than I can count. And when I would get upset about it, it became my "fault" she lied about it because of how i reacted.

Anyway, after 100 days of this I finally went down to the courthouse and filed. I broke into tears in my truck, punched the dashboard, screamed at the sky. Nothing changed.

From then till she moved out on March 15 2019 I had to endure listening to those conversations, she quit her job and lived off "me" from December she moved out. She filed a domestic violence protective order against me because we had a fight about her "conversations" and money she took out of the health savings account.

The judge didn't believe it, but she tried to take the kids, the house, the guns, anger managment, supervised visitation, the whole works. I was one decision from losing my kids forever.

Fast forward although she stayed till March 15 we were divorced February 26. We both used lawyers for consultations, but didn't hire them outright. This saved me having to itemize everything I owned and her getting 1/2. Instead I gave her $100k out of my retirement and then she took everything she wanted out of the house, which was mostly everything(including the curtains).

I stood by and endured it, because they are just things. I wanted my kids 50/50 custody and knew if I fought shed continue to make bogus claims.

I pray often that I wish I had seen the signs, and been able to change things. I miss my "family" terribly and what it meant.( I was a wild one before her and didn't need anyone".
I could never take her back now, but she was my wife, the mother of my kids and that was something.

So, yes I filed because what she was doing, wasn't what I wanted my kids to have as an example of what a family should be. We told my oldest on the 4th of July weekend last year. She was lost, and I couldn't stop crying. But I also made my ex tell my daughter it was her idea, I wasnt taking the sword on that one.

Father's Day this year was the absolute worst, despite having my kids with me, its a painful reminder of what I had.

So..if there's infidelity, or abuse, I agree, go file. But for anything else, especially if there are kids involved, fight to your last breath to resurrect what you had. At 54, I'm staring at the single life with a 6 and 12 year old, this isn't how I planned how my life would go.
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Old 06-25-2019, 07:21 PM   #193
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Dang man, I can echo a similar story but not to the extreme of yours....eerily similar though.

I too made mine tell the girls which was no surprise since they had both her her talking to ole babe...

I made her file since it was her idea and unwillingness to try to save the 25 year marriage.

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Old 06-25-2019, 07:26 PM   #194
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Hugh, I am so, so sorry to hear about how this all turned out! Wish I could have helped some! You sir, keep your head up! I know you to be an honest, good man from experience. If you ever get back to this low country, let me know. I'd love to sit with you and talk. You're always welcome at my campfire!
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Old 06-25-2019, 07:48 PM   #195
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Originally Posted by Hughiam View Post
Father's Day last year my wife told me she wanted a divorce. It totally blindsided me and left me reeling like I'd been given a death sentence. We hadn't been in the best spot for a time, but I never thought she would want to end it. We have two kids together 11 and 5 at the time. I was agnostic boarding on atheist, she was an on again off again christiain but had quit going for a while. The lack of faith on my part was a problem, but there were other things.

I tried everything to save the marriage, offered going to counsiling, reached out to her preacher, her family, our mutual friends etc. She wasn't having any of it. 3 weeks later, she moved into our guest room, took off her wedding ring and changed her facebook status to "single" and started taking lots of "risque" pictures and updating it. Lots of filters, cleavage etc(shes 48). A few more weeks went by and I heard the "conversations" with someone else. Late night, lots of passion, lots of things I can't print. My kids heard it too. I ended up sleeping with ear plugs for months.

I still tried keeping her here, fought hard, begged, when to church, tried to pray, still nothing. Then she blocked me on any social media from seeing her. Her family basically took her side and I was "out". For the record, shes a financial train wreck, pathological liar, and couldnt finance a gumball with 50% down. That caused lots of problems for us. I bailed her out financially more times than I can count. And when I would get upset about it, it became my "fault" she lied about it because of how i reacted.

Anyway, after 100 days of this I finally went down to the courthouse and filed. I broke into tears in my truck, punched the dashboard, screamed at the sky. Nothing changed.

From then till she moved out on March 15 2019 I had to endure listening to those conversations, she quit her job and lived off "me" from December she moved out. She filed a domestic violence protective order against me because we had a fight about her "conversations" and money she took out of the health savings account.

The judge didn't believe it, but she tried to take the kids, the house, the guns, anger managment, supervised visitation, the whole works. I was one decision from losing my kids forever.

Fast forward although she stayed till March 15 we were divorced February 26. We both used lawyers for consultations, but didn't hire them outright. This saved me having to itemize everything I owned and her getting 1/2. Instead I gave her $100k out of my retirement and then she took everything she wanted out of the house, which was mostly everything(including the curtains).

I stood by and endured it, because they are just things. I wanted my kids 50/50 custody and knew if I fought shed continue to make bogus claims.

I pray often that I wish I had seen the signs, and been able to change things. I miss my "family" terribly and what it meant.( I was a wild one before her and didn't need anyone".
I could never take her back now, but she was my wife, the mother of my kids and that was something.

So, yes I filed because what she was doing, wasn't what I wanted my kids to have as an example of what a family should be. We told my oldest on the 4th of July weekend last year. She was lost, and I couldn't stop crying. But I also made my ex tell my daughter it was her idea, I wasnt taking the sword on that one.

Father's Day this year was the absolute worst, despite having my kids with me, its a painful reminder of what I had.

So..if there's infidelity, or abuse, I agree, go file. But for anything else, especially if there are kids involved, fight to your last breath to resurrect what you had. At 54, I'm staring at the single life with a 6 and 12 year old, this isn't how I planned how my life would go.

Man I hated reading this. I am so sorry you had to endure this. I have a few similar stories that I have never felt ready to share. I know the pain of a spouse cheating and even worse knowing beforehand/during. It is FAR worse than finding out later. Stay strong and life will get better, I promise. As I have said in other threads, it is going to suck for a while, but will get better and better till it is just a part of your past.


( this thread can be considered divorce advice )
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Old 06-25-2019, 09:06 PM   #196
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Give and take but good Lord I'm glad that I started this thread!
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Old 06-25-2019, 09:18 PM   #197
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Other then a cheating spouse what has caused or gives you cause for a divorce?
Financial infidelity is one , or being BSC for ether side , mutual discontent , irreconcilable differences , bad parenting
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Old 06-26-2019, 11:07 PM   #198
Playa
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What century are you in? Do you have kids?
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I’d suggest he get a new avatar

Attachment 961395
Yes we have 3 kids. Yes, my wife works full time. This isn’t about exerting dominance over my wife, as the image suggested for my avatar alludes to. It’s about leading by example. She will follow if you are stepping up in all areas of your life. It’s about living in sovereignty. If I’m not sovereign in my marriage then I’m incapable of changing it. Therefore I changed how I lived and our marriage flourished because of it.

Lots of naysayers, but have you tried living with integrity long enough for those around you to notice?

I’m not saying it’s easy. I’m not saying I don’t screw up and lose my cool. I’m not saying our marriage is perfect. And I cannot guarantee your wife won’t step out on you or spend every dollar you earn. But what I can guarantee is that regardless of your marital status your life will improve when you own your actions and responses. And in my experience women respond to that in a positive manner more times than not.
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Old 06-27-2019, 08:02 AM   #199
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financial infidelity is one , or being bsc for ether side , mutual discontent , irreconcilable differences , bad parenting
bsc?
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Old 06-27-2019, 08:47 AM   #200
tbgascorer
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Originally Posted by Hughiam View Post
Father's Day last year my wife told me she wanted a divorce. It totally blindsided me and left me reeling like I'd been given a death sentence. We hadn't been in the best spot for a time, but I never thought she would want to end it. We have two kids together 11 and 5 at the time. I was agnostic boarding on atheist, she was an on again off again christiain but had quit going for a while. The lack of faith on my part was a problem, but there were other things.

I tried everything to save the marriage, offered going to counsiling, reached out to her preacher, her family, our mutual friends etc. She wasn't having any of it. 3 weeks later, she moved into our guest room, took off her wedding ring and changed her facebook status to "single" and started taking lots of "risque" pictures and updating it. Lots of filters, cleavage etc(shes 48). A few more weeks went by and I heard the "conversations" with someone else. Late night, lots of passion, lots of things I can't print. My kids heard it too. I ended up sleeping with ear plugs for months.

I still tried keeping her here, fought hard, begged, when to church, tried to pray, still nothing. Then she blocked me on any social media from seeing her. Her family basically took her side and I was "out". For the record, shes a financial train wreck, pathological liar, and couldnt finance a gumball with 50% down. That caused lots of problems for us. I bailed her out financially more times than I can count. And when I would get upset about it, it became my "fault" she lied about it because of how i reacted.

Anyway, after 100 days of this I finally went down to the courthouse and filed. I broke into tears in my truck, punched the dashboard, screamed at the sky. Nothing changed.

From then till she moved out on March 15 2019 I had to endure listening to those conversations, she quit her job and lived off "me" from December she moved out. She filed a domestic violence protective order against me because we had a fight about her "conversations" and money she took out of the health savings account.

The judge didn't believe it, but she tried to take the kids, the house, the guns, anger managment, supervised visitation, the whole works. I was one decision from losing my kids forever.

Fast forward although she stayed till March 15 we were divorced February 26. We both used lawyers for consultations, but didn't hire them outright. This saved me having to itemize everything I owned and her getting 1/2. Instead I gave her $100k out of my retirement and then she took everything she wanted out of the house, which was mostly everything(including the curtains).

I stood by and endured it, because they are just things. I wanted my kids 50/50 custody and knew if I fought shed continue to make bogus claims.

I pray often that I wish I had seen the signs, and been able to change things. I miss my "family" terribly and what it meant.( I was a wild one before her and didn't need anyone".
I could never take her back now, but she was my wife, the mother of my kids and that was something.

So, yes I filed because what she was doing, wasn't what I wanted my kids to have as an example of what a family should be. We told my oldest on the 4th of July weekend last year. She was lost, and I couldn't stop crying. But I also made my ex tell my daughter it was her idea, I wasnt taking the sword on that one.

Father's Day this year was the absolute worst, despite having my kids with me, its a painful reminder of what I had.

So..if there's infidelity, or abuse, I agree, go file. But for anything else, especially if there are kids involved, fight to your last breath to resurrect what you had. At 54, I'm staring at the single life with a 6 and 12 year old, this isn't how I planned how my life would go.
Sorry to hear this man. Sounds similar to my story. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
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