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Old 09-01-2017, 10:49 PM   #1
JANSLEY817
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Default dad jokes

Well with all the stuff going on around us, how about some dad jokes. Anyone have some good ones?

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? He woke up

While looking at a tree "i really don't trust that tree"......"seems real shady"
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Old 09-01-2017, 10:50 PM   #2
slomo
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I like where this thread is going
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Old 09-01-2017, 10:53 PM   #3
JANSLEY817
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Dad: son are you cold?
Son:yes
Dad: go stand in the corner
Son: ?
Dad: it's 90 degrees :-)
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Old 09-01-2017, 10:53 PM   #4
ferrellv
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In for this one.
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Old 09-01-2017, 11:02 PM   #5
JANSLEY817
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Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?
If it had four it would be a chicken sedan
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Old 09-01-2017, 11:06 PM   #6
txtradesman
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Son, is your nose running?

Well then you better go catch it!
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Old 09-01-2017, 11:07 PM   #7
txtradesman
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son: Im hungry

dad: Im Dad, nice to meet you hungry
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Old 09-01-2017, 11:12 PM   #8
JANSLEY817
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Someone said my clothes were gay. I said "yeah they came out of the closet this morning"
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Old 09-01-2017, 11:18 PM   #9
Williams4298
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JANSLEY817 View Post
Someone said my clothes were gay. I said "yeah they came out of the closet this morning"
Haha that one is pretty good!
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Old 09-01-2017, 11:29 PM   #10
JANSLEY817
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What do you call a fish with no i? Fsh

Works a lot better saying than reading
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Old 09-01-2017, 11:38 PM   #11
JANSLEY817
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Waitress: would you like a box for that
Dad: (puts up his fist) you wanna take it outside
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Old 09-01-2017, 11:43 PM   #12
Froggy
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Default One of my Dad's

He had a thousand corny jokes.

"Do you know why they build fences around a graveyard?

People are dying to get in."
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Old 09-01-2017, 11:43 PM   #13
Atfulldraw
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can't pass a cemetery without talking about the fence....
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Old 09-01-2017, 11:44 PM   #14
Atfulldraw
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Froggy View Post
He had a thousand corny jokes.

"Do you know why they build fences around a graveyard?

People are dying to get in."
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atfulldraw View Post
can't pass a cemetery without talking about the fence....
At the same time
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Old 09-01-2017, 11:47 PM   #15
Froggy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Atfulldraw View Post
At the same time
Great minds think alike.
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Old 09-01-2017, 11:49 PM   #16
JANSLEY817
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Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?
He was a little horse?
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Old 09-01-2017, 11:51 PM   #17
JANSLEY817
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How do you make a kleenex dance?
You put a little boogie in it
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Old 09-01-2017, 11:51 PM   #18
JANSLEY817
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To the guy in the wheel chair who stole my camouflage jacket, you can hide but you can't run
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Old 09-02-2017, 12:33 AM   #19
slomo
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in the interest of keeping this thread clean I can't say anything my daddy ever said ��
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Old 09-02-2017, 12:36 AM   #20
Chew
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Henway
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Old 09-02-2017, 12:36 AM   #21
97JeepGuy
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Default

What happened when the toilet paper tried to cross the road?
He got stuck in the crack.
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Old 09-02-2017, 12:40 AM   #22
JerryC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 97JeepGuy View Post
What happened when the toilet paper tried to cross the road?
He got stuck in the crack.
My 8 year old grandson cracked up on that one
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Old 09-02-2017, 01:37 AM   #23
jonate98
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Default

What did the dad buffalo say to his son when he left for college?

Bi-son


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Old 09-02-2017, 02:44 AM   #24
Still Hunter
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You got time for two short jokes and a long joke...

" joke!joke!jooooooooooke!"
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Old 09-02-2017, 06:43 AM   #25
IowaHunter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by txtradesman View Post
son: Im hungry

dad: Im Dad, nice to meet you hungry
I always said that to my kids.
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Old 09-02-2017, 08:21 AM   #26
Bowtech38
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Wanna hear a dirty joke? Guy fell into a mud puddle.
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Old 09-02-2017, 09:13 AM   #27
JANSLEY817
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Default

Where does a fish go when it's sick?
The dock
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Old 09-02-2017, 09:24 AM   #28
Jaybo31
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These kill me . This one starts at :33. They have a ton of videos

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Old 09-02-2017, 09:26 AM   #29
Double-O-Dave
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Talking

As a dad, I was a huge promoter of Dad jokes...until I saw this documentary:

http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=...BF&FORM=VDQVAP


Regards,

Dave
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Old 09-02-2017, 09:38 AM   #30
150class
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Default

Son: Dad I want to go to a haunted house
Dad: what's wrong with the one we live in?
Son: ....wait what?
Dad: Goodnight. *turns off lights*
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Old 09-02-2017, 09:42 AM   #31
cattlelackranch
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chew View Post
Henway


I think your lost.

Start your own thread for Grandpa jokes
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Old 09-02-2017, 09:46 AM   #32
cattlelackranch
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A Dog struts into the local saloon.

Bartender: what can I get you?

Dog: I'm looking for the man who shot my Paw
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Old 09-02-2017, 09:49 AM   #33
Larryf250
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Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road?

It was stuck in a crack
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Old 09-13-2017, 12:02 PM   #34
mooney_ag
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Default

Why did Ms. Tomato turn red?

She saw Mr. Green Pea....
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Old 09-13-2017, 12:32 PM   #35
tradtiger
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Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chew View Post
Henway
About 3 pounds
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Old 09-13-2017, 12:39 PM   #36
Jtrage
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Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Froggy View Post
He had a thousand corny jokes.

"Do you know why they build fences around a graveyard?

People are dying to get in."
More along these lines...

Do you know how many people are dead in that cemetery?
All of them.

If a plane crashes on the border where would you bury the survivors?
You wouldn't.
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Old 09-13-2017, 01:10 PM   #37
txbowkill
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Son if you don't quit playing with yourself you're going to go blind.

What are you looking at Dad I'm over here?
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Old 09-13-2017, 01:28 PM   #38
jerp
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I tried using my 10 best puns to get a laugh - but no pun in 10 did....
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Old 09-13-2017, 01:46 PM   #39
cehorn
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Hunt In: Uvalde, TX
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when dove hunting...
Dad: I haven't seen a single dove
Dad: I haven't seen a married one either....
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Old 09-13-2017, 01:46 PM   #40
Pushbutton2
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Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chew View Post
Henway


Henway?

What's a Henway?
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Old 09-13-2017, 01:48 PM   #41
chrisgunguy
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Default

Driving past a cemetery in downtown:

Dad: Did you know that this is the dead center of town?
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Old 09-13-2017, 02:48 PM   #42
Muskles
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Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Froggy View Post
He had a thousand corny jokes.

"Do you know why they build fences around a graveyard?

People are dying to get in."
My cousin is a mortician. When you ask him "how's business", he says "people are always dying to see me."

Sent from my XT1080 using Tapatalk
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Old 09-13-2017, 03:04 PM   #43
lanceodom
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Driving past a cemetery my dad always did the fence joke and always asked
Dad: "do you know how many dead people are in the cemetery?"
Me: "No"
Dad: "all of them"
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Old 09-13-2017, 03:08 PM   #44
macguyverberry
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I remember my dad writing out Cajun for me:

MR DUKS
MR NOT
MR TWO
CM FEAT AN EM IDI BIDI EYES
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Old 09-13-2017, 03:13 PM   #45
kruppa24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Froggy View Post
He had a thousand corny jokes.

"Do you know why they build fences around a graveyard?

People are dying to get in."
Do you know how many people are dead in that cemetery? ALL OF THEM
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Old 09-13-2017, 03:13 PM   #46
mooch
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Hunt In: Karnes County, Coast
Default

What does a guy with two left feet wear?

Flip flips.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Old 09-13-2017, 03:14 PM   #47
kruppa24
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Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by lanceodom View Post
Driving past a cemetery my dad always did the fence joke and always asked
Dad: "do you know how many dead people are in the cemetery?"
Me: "No"
Dad: "all of them"
Guess I was late on this one.
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Old 09-13-2017, 03:27 PM   #48
woodsman
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jerp View Post
I tried using my 10 best puns to get a laugh - but no pun in 10 did....
Winning!
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Old 09-13-2017, 03:53 PM   #49
Brazman
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This is my stepladder.

I never knew my real ladder...
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Old 09-13-2017, 06:20 PM   #50
Pushbutton2
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Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by jerp View Post
I tried using my 10 best puns to get a laugh - but no pun in 10 did....
Took me a bit to get this.
It's a good one
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