May 15,2010 is a day I will never forget. It's the day I realized that my life was in shambles and the only person I could blame was me. My drinking had become a horrible problem and consumed and defined who I was. What started out as drinking with buddies for fun in high school had manifested itself into basically a 20 year binge. I dealt with all my problems, marital, financial, and others by drinking. I always had nice cars, house, good job so I thought there wasn't a problem. Alcoholics were those bums on the street, I thought. Came to find out that couldn't be further from the truth.
It had come to the point that if there was any social event, get together, or function where there wasn't alcohol I didn't want to go. And if I "had" to go, I'd slam some before we went. If I wasn't working or asleep, I was drinking. No one knew the extent of the drinking, I guess because I didn't act drunk. I knew deep down I was an alcoholic, I just pushed it down with alcohol so I didn't have to face it(ironic,huh). I blamed everything on someone or something else, I neglected my fatherly and husbandly duties at times, because getting drunk took priority. In 2007 I got a DWI after I had a wreck, ran off the road and almost hit a 4' diameter tree at 70. That made me stop for about a week. Nearly dying, dwi, and the other troubles weren't enough to stop me. In hindsight that was absolutely insane, but at the time I didn't see it. This addiction will start to strain relationships, friendships, work performance, etc. But I kept blaming everyone else.Got tired of my dad staying on my butt. I'm surprised that some people will even talk to me now. But that person was not me, and they knew that.
May 14, 2010 was a normal day for then. Get off work, grab a 30, and start drinking, the same as I had done for many years. Night went as always, sitting in a lawn chair slamming beer and "thinking". Went to bed about 10. At 4:30 in the morning on May 15, 2010, I woke up, wide awake, with tears running down my face. I don't know why, but I knew at that moment that I had to change. It's almost like God was saying " I'm tired of being nice and trying to guide you on the right path, I'm about to slap you and wake you up". I got up, poured out all alcohol in the house, and then just sat and reflected on what my life had become. Later that morning I checked into rehab. I learned a lot about myself there. I got the counseling that I needed. Went to outpatient for 4 months. I truly think that if I hadn't gone or if I didn't have the family and friends I have, I might not be here, or if I was, it wouldn't be a pretty sight.
I'm only telling this because I know some people have the same issues and I'm here to say that it can be done. In hindsight, I wasn't living at all, I was bound by my addiction. I can honestly say that the last three years have been some of the best of my life. And if my story helps one person, it's worth telling. I promised myself I would try to help anyone who had similar problems if I could. It's very hard to admit a problem, it's probably the hardest step. That and losing people you thought were friends. Your true friends will be there. PERIOD. But if anyone ever needs advice or help, don't hesitate to ask. I thank God every day for my sobriety.. 3 years and counting.
It had come to the point that if there was any social event, get together, or function where there wasn't alcohol I didn't want to go. And if I "had" to go, I'd slam some before we went. If I wasn't working or asleep, I was drinking. No one knew the extent of the drinking, I guess because I didn't act drunk. I knew deep down I was an alcoholic, I just pushed it down with alcohol so I didn't have to face it(ironic,huh). I blamed everything on someone or something else, I neglected my fatherly and husbandly duties at times, because getting drunk took priority. In 2007 I got a DWI after I had a wreck, ran off the road and almost hit a 4' diameter tree at 70. That made me stop for about a week. Nearly dying, dwi, and the other troubles weren't enough to stop me. In hindsight that was absolutely insane, but at the time I didn't see it. This addiction will start to strain relationships, friendships, work performance, etc. But I kept blaming everyone else.Got tired of my dad staying on my butt. I'm surprised that some people will even talk to me now. But that person was not me, and they knew that.
May 14, 2010 was a normal day for then. Get off work, grab a 30, and start drinking, the same as I had done for many years. Night went as always, sitting in a lawn chair slamming beer and "thinking". Went to bed about 10. At 4:30 in the morning on May 15, 2010, I woke up, wide awake, with tears running down my face. I don't know why, but I knew at that moment that I had to change. It's almost like God was saying " I'm tired of being nice and trying to guide you on the right path, I'm about to slap you and wake you up". I got up, poured out all alcohol in the house, and then just sat and reflected on what my life had become. Later that morning I checked into rehab. I learned a lot about myself there. I got the counseling that I needed. Went to outpatient for 4 months. I truly think that if I hadn't gone or if I didn't have the family and friends I have, I might not be here, or if I was, it wouldn't be a pretty sight.
I'm only telling this because I know some people have the same issues and I'm here to say that it can be done. In hindsight, I wasn't living at all, I was bound by my addiction. I can honestly say that the last three years have been some of the best of my life. And if my story helps one person, it's worth telling. I promised myself I would try to help anyone who had similar problems if I could. It's very hard to admit a problem, it's probably the hardest step. That and losing people you thought were friends. Your true friends will be there. PERIOD. But if anyone ever needs advice or help, don't hesitate to ask. I thank God every day for my sobriety.. 3 years and counting.
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