Kids and electronics

[locolobo]

My "children" are too old for me to have had this problem but they still had chores to do and responsibilities to take care of. They were reprimanded one way or another if that failed to happen. They however, have this situation to deal with.
One daughter has the perfect solution. Her children get a phone for their 14th birthday. They get it for one purpose only, for the parents to contact them when they needs to. They do not get possession of the phone unless there is a need for it. If they don't answer when she calls or call back in a reasonable time frame, it is assumed they do not need said phone and it will be taken away. If they get too wrapped up in the phone to do chores, help when work is happening, or get an attitude when asked to do something the phone disappears until needed for its intended purpose. So far she has not had problem one with the first (and only so far) child to get a phone!

[sir shovelhands]

While the totalitarian system of do as I say or catch a whoopin works on many kids, some don't respond well to it. It worked with moderate success on me (and I got whooped a lot), but I swear Chuck Norris couldn't have beaten my sister into respecting my parent's authority.

My buddy had a system that I think I believe would've worked better with my sister and I when we were kids.

Each week they assign their kids chores by day of the week, all written down on a white board. When they finish their chores and homework, any time left in the day is their free time, assuming they don't have activities. Failure to finish chores and homework before free time results in a loss of entertainment privileges, until the following day, and until those chores are complete. This is, in my opinion, a fair system from a child's point of view. The kids know what's expected of them up front, the consequences of not doing so, and the benefits of doing so.

His kids wake up early in the morning and knock out all their chores. Come home, do their homework and then they're free afterwards. All three make good grades, stay out of trouble, and rarely require disciplining.

Regarding your wife undermining you, that's a serious talk you need to have ASAP. I recommend the simple system of whichever parent gives out the punishment is the only one that can undo the punishment. Otherwise you're showing the kids they can play you two against each other. Stand together or be pushed apart.

Also, if you're the only one giving punishments out, I highly recommend you motivate your wife to take some responsibility in doing so as well, otherwise you'll forever be the hated disciplinarian in your children's minds while she's the angel. It's unfair to you.

[glen]

I will say you are in a bad spot as everyone has raised kids differently and have different belief systems. I only have one at home and is 17 and he has sir type of game. Plays at night when everyone else is asleep. Since his Sr year was cancelled he has gotten lazy and just goes to work and hangs out with girlfriend. I took the trash to the road yesterday. If I gotta do it next week I’m wheeling it into his room and dumping it on his bed. If he yells at me in my house he has either decided to pay the household bills or has determined he is now the ruler and it’s time to overthrow the current one. He watch when his older brother decided to yell at me so I don’t think he will make that choice.

Your house- your rules- easy. Give them the rules and the consequences. Act swiftly and with purpose if rules are broken. Do exactly what you have said you will do and no more or no less. Everyone with kids has had obstacles in raising their kids. Good Luck

[rladner]

I turned electronics time into currency. If they want to play electronics they need to have "time" to play them. In order to get "time" they need to "work". So, things like taking out the trash gave them 15 min. Unload the dishwasher, 15 min. Get homework done in a timely manner ...... Mow the lawn got them an hour. It all depends, but make them "earn" the time. Making the bed, cleaning their room, etc.....For sports, if they played hard I would give them an extra hour. Its up to you, but you and wife need to be on the same page. I kept track of everything they did during the week and at the end of the week I gave them their "Paycheck" of minutes. They could "spend" them however they wanted. All in one day or a little each day as the continue to accumulate for the next week. They could never get an "advance". They could only spend what they earned. I felt it was teaching them about life and managing cash as well. But, I never limited them. The more/harder they worked the more minutes they could make.

[Neck]

Stop fighting. Get a Circle and be done with it.

https://meetcircle.com/

If you happen to have a NetGear router it may already come with the Circle software on it. Mine had it on it already. All I had to do was login to the modem/router and enable it and configure it. It was free for the first 30 days. After that it is like $5 bucks a month. The only thing I don't like about it, and it is no fault of the Circle, is that if you set your kids to only have say 2 hours of internet a day and they have Iot devices well those dang devices chatter on the internet all day long and eat up their allotted time. You have to create a group for those devices separately so it doesn't ding the kiddos. My daughter's iPad chatters all day long too. You will see because it tracks all the logs of every site every device in your house goes to. I had to tell my daughter when she is not using her iPad just turn it off because even when it has been sitting idle for hours it is still connecting to all kinds of crap on the internet. They are great. You can set bedtimes. You can set timeouts. With the click of a button you can disable a persons internet or a devices internet. Track sites, block adult sites, etc. You can manage it all from your phone too with the Circle app. It is worth a try like I said especially if you have a Netgear with it already on it.

https://www.netgear.com/landings/circle/default.aspx

[Graysonhogs]

Stop fighting. Get a Circle and be done with it.

https://meetcircle.com/

If you happen to have a NetGear router it may already come with the Circle software on it. Mine had it on it already. All I had to do was login to the modem/router and enable it and configure it. It was free for the first 30 days. After that it is like $5 bucks a month. The only thing I don't like about it, and it is no fault of the Circle, is that if you set your kids to only have say 2 hours of internet a day and they have Iot devices well those dang devices chatter on the internet all day long and eat up their allotted time. You have to create a group for those devices separately so it doesn't ding the kiddos. My daughter's iPad chatters all day long too. You will see because it tracks all the logs of every site every device in your house goes to. I had to tell my daughter when she is not using her iPad just turn it off because even when it has been sitting idle for hours it is still connecting to all kinds of crap on the internet. They are great. You can set bedtimes. You can set timeouts. With the click of a button you can disable a persons internet or a devices internet. Track sites, block adult sites, etc. You can manage it all from your phone too with the Circle app. It is worth a try like I said especially if you have a Netgear with it already on it.

https://www.netgear.com/landings/circle/default.aspx

I’m more in favor of the octagon


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[Graysonhogs]

Stop fighting. Get a Circle and be done with it.

https://meetcircle.com/

If you happen to have a NetGear router it may already come with the Circle software on it. Mine had it on it already. All I had to do was login to the modem/router and enable it and configure it. It was free for the first 30 days. After that it is like $5 bucks a month. The only thing I don't like about it, and it is no fault of the Circle, is that if you set your kids to only have say 2 hours of internet a day and they have Iot devices well those dang devices chatter on the internet all day long and eat up their allotted time. You have to create a group for those devices separately so it doesn't ding the kiddos. My daughter's iPad chatters all day long too. You will see because it tracks all the logs of every site every device in your house goes to. I had to tell my daughter when she is not using her iPad just turn it off because even when it has been sitting idle for hours it is still connecting to all kinds of crap on the internet. They are great. You can set bedtimes. You can set timeouts. With the click of a button you can disable a persons internet or a devices internet. Track sites, block adult sites, etc. You can manage it all from your phone too with the Circle app. It is worth a try like I said especially if you have a Netgear with it already on it.

https://www.netgear.com/landings/circle/default.aspx

That might be something to have in your arsenal, but as a stand alone I don’ t think it’s enough. But, I was raised that when I was told to do something I better not even “look” at my dad funny. And absolutely no way in jail I’d yell or throw a fit. As Dale mentioned, my dad was “shock and awe”.



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[gvick]

We got that yelling and fit throwing under control at a very early age. Wife has never undermined me nor I her. the kids did know who to ask for certain things though but they knew not to ask the other if one had already told them no.
My son got to where he thought he was the man of the house when I was on the road a lot. So the next time I came in I removed every thing from his room. I left his bed, 2 pair underwear, 2 pair of socks, 2 button up shirts, 2 pair of pants, 2 pair of shorts, boots and tennis shoes, and a list of chores that he could do to make money to buy them back and list of things he was going to have to pay for.
Then he thought he was smart and told ne that I couldnt take his TV or his Stereo because his Grandmas had given them to him, so I said Daggum that is right and I went out side to where I had them stored and layed them on the ground, pulled out my trusty 45 and emptied one mag into each, then told him it was up to him what he did with them he could either take them back to the room in my house that I let him stay in or he could put them in the trash can that I pay for.
He turned out pretty well Is on his own now doing good and never has raised his voice or over stepped with his mother or myself and is Yes Sir/Maam, No Sir/Maam with us still.
When I go to his house I respect his house as his, I expect the same when he is in mine.

[tex4k]

A local mom I know came up with a self limiting method since this quarantine. The kids can have unlimited use of devices with 1 rule, however amount of time spent on fun stuff today, they have to spend that amount of time doing the school/learning programs tomorrow before they can start in with the fun stuff again. Took about a week of fits, meltdowns, and almost mutiny for it to click, there's lots of other fun stuff to do without any educational stipulations.

[Drycreek3189]

Please take this with a grain of salt, but you and your wife are these kids parents. Your kids have no choice and they don’t make the deals. Let them cry and scream and pitty themselves for being little brats and let them do it in their room with the door off the hinges with no electronics.

My kids WILL do what I say WHEN I tell them to do it. No if ands or buts. I don’t care if they don’t like it. I ain’t their buddy. I’m their daddy and I’m teaching them real life lessons. My oldest is almost 13. She has a lap top for school work. That’s it. No cell phone, no tablet. “She’s the only one in middle school without a phone”. Quite frankly, I don’t care. She’ll get one in high school.

Through being consistent and tough, my kids have learned that no matter the fits they throw, Daddy don’t give in. They shut their little smart *** trap and get to work like I tell them to and then they get to play. Just like I get up and go to work everyday and play when work is over.

I usually will have one big blow up a year and it’s enough to keep things tamed the other 364 days of the year.

Be tough and stick to your guns and don’t give in. Kids are as bad as dogs when you start giving in to them or let them get away with things. Time to put that foot down and don’t put up with their ****. You are Papa Bear. BE Papa Bear

[dustoffer]

I think the main thing is, is they will not do any chore type activities when requested. I have tried to assign basic chores to them, like unload the dishwasher, put away your clothes, vacuum the carpets, etc... But they refuse to do them. They will shout at me how I'm ruining their life, and how no one else has to do it, etc.
I have/am trying to teach responsibility and pride in your work, even if you don't want to.
If they would help out when asked, and do basic chores, I wouldn't mind them playing a while on them.

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Unacceptable---the refusal and disrespect. My son is 50 and he still knows the "rules" and so does our granddaughter. My parents weren't screamers, they were tellers - once. I can't remember dad ever blowing his top although if I was late getting home for supper, he often met me in the front yard and I watched him select and break off a "switch". If it wasn't the switch it was "the look" that I understood clearly.

Bottom line---this is your work you must do in order to play---and if that doesn't work keep raising the bar until you find the price they aren't willing to pay. And, as someone posted, get on the same page as the wife, and make sure the two of you aren't living on your phones as well.

Looks like the GS is pretty much in agreement on this one--so just do it.