Funny Read and Darn Tasty- All credit goes to our buddy Aaron Bierschwale!!!
I don't know if I ever actually do it the same way twice but I'd be glad to tell the basic steps I try to follow:
1. Drink lots of beer. This recipe doesn't work without it...you need to have your creative thinking cap on!
2. You want to either kill a young buck or a doe for the hors d' oeuvres because the meat is much more tender. I usually use the big muscles in the ham....you could use back strap and tenderloin as well but I prefer to keep those for frying. Depending on how many people you are feeding you may need to kill more than one deer. Trim the meat up good and get all of the "trash" off of it. Cut it in to bite size chunks. Have a beer because it's hard work processing a deer. Note: have a beer for each deer processed.
2. Cut up onions and jalapenos in to whatever size you'd like to have. It always takes alot more jalapeno and onion than you'll think so plan ahead and get some extra. Have a beer...the onion made you cry so you need to do something manly. Note: be sure you don't rub your eyes while trying not to cry because the jalapeno on your fingers will burn the hell out of your eyes. Have a beer.
3. Buy the cheapest bacon you can find(better for flavor cause the fat & grease will really cook good). Cut the whole **** package of bacon in half. You'll need more bacon than you think as well so get several packages and what you don't use you can stick in the freezer for next time. Have a beer.
4. Mix up a bottle of b-b-que sauce, a bottle of Italian dressing, and one beer in a bowl. Note: try not to use the half full beer in your hand + the first half of the one you now need for this process. Splurge and get a fresh beer for the marinade and finish your the half full beer yourself. Now get a new beer.
5. Spread out and get comfortable, preferably with a friend and a cooler full of beer, cause it's going to take a while to wrap these suckers up! You will need your onion, jalapeno, bacon, meat, toothpicks, and a bowl filled about a quarter full with the marinade mixture. Set up an assembly line that makes sense to you. It's a hell of a lot easier than reaching all over the place for the ingredients. Note: be sure the assembly line does not hinder easy access to your beer on the table or the beer in the cooler. Just to make sure finish off the beer on the table and check for easy access to the cooler while getting a fresh beer.
6. Take a piece of meat and sandwich it between an onion and jalapeno, wrap a piece of bacon around it and insert a toothpick. Make sure to run the toothpick through the onion and jalapeno or else they will fall out of the wrap. Note: that last bit of advice sounds pretty silly, however, after consuming the number of beers you will have had by this point you need reminding. Get another beer.
7. As you get the wraps completed drop them into the marinade bowl. If at any point you see that there is not enough marinade in the bowl to cover the entire bowl of wraps then you need to add marinade. You want the wraps to be drowning in the marinade...never can have too much marinade. Note: it is customary to have at least 1 beer for every ten wraps completed. If you are being helped in the assembly by one or more person the frequency with which you must consume goes up exponentially.
8. Put the marinating wraps in the refrigerator for as long as you can. I like to marinate them for at least one night(the stuff we ate on the skiing trip had marinated for 2 days). Leave the mess on the counter while you go finish the cooler full of beer. Note: this may not make much sense either but you will understand after step 10.
9. Take your drunk *** to bed because you have all your buddies coming over tomorrow and all you've been telling them about is how good these hors d' oeuvres are going to be! Note: right now your biggest concern is, "How the hell am I possibly going to feel like drinking with the guys tomorrow".
10. Roll out of bed when you best buddy shows up and annoys the **** out of you because you won't get up. Stagger in to the kitchen and look at the mess on the counter. Drink the beer your friend just handed you and scratch your little cajones while never taking an eye off of the mess. Go outside and start the fire( I prefer not to cook them on a gas grill but it will work in a pinch). Have your buddy help you clean up the mess and use the time as an opportunity to "reload". Note: the "reloading" phase is very important. Not only does it help calm the "shakes" for better handling of the tongs, it is also unknown how the hors d' oeuvres turn out when cooked by a sober person. Don't be the first to make that mistake.
11. Take the marinating wraps out of the fridge approximately 1 hour prior to cooking. Throw the first load on the grill and close the lid. Check them fairly frequently because they will not take too long to cook. The best way to check them is to actually pick one up and eat it. If the bacon is crispy enough for you and the meat tastes done enough then take the first batch off and put them on a platter. Note: if you want the bacon to be more crispy then scoot all of the wraps together and spray a little of your beer on them...this will cause the fire to flare up and it will cook the bacon in a hurry.
12. Load the second batch on the grill and pass the platter around. Note: continue this process until all of the hors d' oeuvres are cooked, being sure to have at least two beers while cooking each batch. Also, make sure you are full by the time the last batch comes off the grill. You will find that the only chance the cook gets to eat them is straight off the pit! The platter never comes back with any leftovers.
Have fun and enjoy the recipe. I hope you enjoy the cooking process as much as I do!
I don't know if I ever actually do it the same way twice but I'd be glad to tell the basic steps I try to follow:
1. Drink lots of beer. This recipe doesn't work without it...you need to have your creative thinking cap on!
2. You want to either kill a young buck or a doe for the hors d' oeuvres because the meat is much more tender. I usually use the big muscles in the ham....you could use back strap and tenderloin as well but I prefer to keep those for frying. Depending on how many people you are feeding you may need to kill more than one deer. Trim the meat up good and get all of the "trash" off of it. Cut it in to bite size chunks. Have a beer because it's hard work processing a deer. Note: have a beer for each deer processed.
2. Cut up onions and jalapenos in to whatever size you'd like to have. It always takes alot more jalapeno and onion than you'll think so plan ahead and get some extra. Have a beer...the onion made you cry so you need to do something manly. Note: be sure you don't rub your eyes while trying not to cry because the jalapeno on your fingers will burn the hell out of your eyes. Have a beer.
3. Buy the cheapest bacon you can find(better for flavor cause the fat & grease will really cook good). Cut the whole **** package of bacon in half. You'll need more bacon than you think as well so get several packages and what you don't use you can stick in the freezer for next time. Have a beer.
4. Mix up a bottle of b-b-que sauce, a bottle of Italian dressing, and one beer in a bowl. Note: try not to use the half full beer in your hand + the first half of the one you now need for this process. Splurge and get a fresh beer for the marinade and finish your the half full beer yourself. Now get a new beer.
5. Spread out and get comfortable, preferably with a friend and a cooler full of beer, cause it's going to take a while to wrap these suckers up! You will need your onion, jalapeno, bacon, meat, toothpicks, and a bowl filled about a quarter full with the marinade mixture. Set up an assembly line that makes sense to you. It's a hell of a lot easier than reaching all over the place for the ingredients. Note: be sure the assembly line does not hinder easy access to your beer on the table or the beer in the cooler. Just to make sure finish off the beer on the table and check for easy access to the cooler while getting a fresh beer.
6. Take a piece of meat and sandwich it between an onion and jalapeno, wrap a piece of bacon around it and insert a toothpick. Make sure to run the toothpick through the onion and jalapeno or else they will fall out of the wrap. Note: that last bit of advice sounds pretty silly, however, after consuming the number of beers you will have had by this point you need reminding. Get another beer.
7. As you get the wraps completed drop them into the marinade bowl. If at any point you see that there is not enough marinade in the bowl to cover the entire bowl of wraps then you need to add marinade. You want the wraps to be drowning in the marinade...never can have too much marinade. Note: it is customary to have at least 1 beer for every ten wraps completed. If you are being helped in the assembly by one or more person the frequency with which you must consume goes up exponentially.
8. Put the marinating wraps in the refrigerator for as long as you can. I like to marinate them for at least one night(the stuff we ate on the skiing trip had marinated for 2 days). Leave the mess on the counter while you go finish the cooler full of beer. Note: this may not make much sense either but you will understand after step 10.
9. Take your drunk *** to bed because you have all your buddies coming over tomorrow and all you've been telling them about is how good these hors d' oeuvres are going to be! Note: right now your biggest concern is, "How the hell am I possibly going to feel like drinking with the guys tomorrow".
10. Roll out of bed when you best buddy shows up and annoys the **** out of you because you won't get up. Stagger in to the kitchen and look at the mess on the counter. Drink the beer your friend just handed you and scratch your little cajones while never taking an eye off of the mess. Go outside and start the fire( I prefer not to cook them on a gas grill but it will work in a pinch). Have your buddy help you clean up the mess and use the time as an opportunity to "reload". Note: the "reloading" phase is very important. Not only does it help calm the "shakes" for better handling of the tongs, it is also unknown how the hors d' oeuvres turn out when cooked by a sober person. Don't be the first to make that mistake.
11. Take the marinating wraps out of the fridge approximately 1 hour prior to cooking. Throw the first load on the grill and close the lid. Check them fairly frequently because they will not take too long to cook. The best way to check them is to actually pick one up and eat it. If the bacon is crispy enough for you and the meat tastes done enough then take the first batch off and put them on a platter. Note: if you want the bacon to be more crispy then scoot all of the wraps together and spray a little of your beer on them...this will cause the fire to flare up and it will cook the bacon in a hurry.
12. Load the second batch on the grill and pass the platter around. Note: continue this process until all of the hors d' oeuvres are cooked, being sure to have at least two beers while cooking each batch. Also, make sure you are full by the time the last batch comes off the grill. You will find that the only chance the cook gets to eat them is straight off the pit! The platter never comes back with any leftovers.
Have fun and enjoy the recipe. I hope you enjoy the cooking process as much as I do!
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