Divorce your wife?

[clayree]

Is there a way you can assure she wont get half of your 401k? We dont have kids so the most important thing is assuring she doesn't get half my retirement?

If you're in Texas, you're in a community property state. Half of your stuff including 401k's are legally hers, & vice versa. No way around that............

[JHT]

That's my wife. We saw that car eating while we were eating lunch in Fort Worth and I told her to pose with it for the green screen. LOL.

Yes her mouth is purdy!

Good one!

[Dale Moser]

Ha ha. I'm dying laughing at it and she would too if I showed her.

If you seen a beat up '14 F150 rolling around Ft Worth in the future with "Was His" on the license plate then everyone wave at her!

You must have shaved 45 min or an hour off that drive to the ranch...welcome to actual Texas.

[Throwin Darts]

You must have shaved 45 min or an hour off that drive to the ranch...welcome to actual Texas.

Sure did. We moved to Aledo. I shaved off the worst part of the drive and couldn't agree more that this is actual Texas. We are loving it.

[j.trevor123]

Well I have still yet to get married. From things I see and hear it’s hard not to be a little worried about finding “the right one” (or one that it’s right enough y’all can get through issues) I think I have dodged a few Bullets in the past, I’m sure they will say the same.

[2B4Him]

Women innately want to be led. If you are passively living in your marriage, you are burdening your wife with a responsibility she was not designed to handle. Conflict will always be the by-product.

It is unfortunate you got flamed by 3 or 4 folks for this comment.
I believe that the way we were designed was not 'subject to' the whims and changes of culture throughout the ages. I am a 'complimentarian' believing that men and women were uniquely designed by our Maker for particular purposes and roles. Neither is superior nor inferior. When both embrace their God-given roles in the context of a marriage, both parties benefit.
All the way back to the Garden, when Eve chose to taste the forbidden fruit, Adam was standing right there - he did nothing to protect her, he did not remind her of the prohibition. He was passive.

I guess I am likewise a caveman, but I'm blessed to be in my 34th year of marriage to my cavewoman.

[SaltwaterSlick]

It is unfortunate you got flamed by 3 or 4 folks for this comment.
I believe that the way we were designed was not 'subject to' the whims and changes of culture throughout the ages. I am a 'complimentarian' believing that men and women were uniquely designed by our Maker for particular purposes and roles. Neither is superior nor inferior. When both embrace their God-given roles in the context of a marriage, both parties benefit.
All the way back to the Garden, when Eve chose to taste the forbidden fruit, Adam was standing right there - he did nothing to protect her, he did not remind her of the prohibition. He was passive.

I guess I am likewise a caveman, but I'm blessed to be in my 34th year of marriage to my cavewoman.

I too agree with what Playa posted, and in fact IF men and women would study God's Word and live by it, there would be no divorce.

What Playa posted is Biblically sound. There are at least 4 places in the New Testament that teaches us this principle. Here is the one from Ephesians:

Wives and Husbands
Eph 5:22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
Eph 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.
Eph 5:24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,
Eph 5:26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
Eph 5:27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.
Eph 5:28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;
Eph 5:29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,

Though each of these verses is important and necessary for a man and woman to join together and become one flesh as is described in the Bible as Holy Matrimony, I want to focus on what we as husbands are to do, how we are supposed to love our wives, verses 5:25 thru 5:29... Look at that! So many read the first few verses and THERE IT IS!!! THE GOTCHA FOR WOMEN...SUBMIT!!! ... but it is a shame if you stop reading right there! God tells us we are to love our wives LIKE CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH!! THAT is a TALL order men! Christ gave his life for the Church. He died for the church, willingly and lovingly! We can never reach His standards, but THAT is what we are to strive for and to pattern our lives after... I would submit, that if a man and his fiance' were to study this one chapter and all it tells men and women about marriage, then get married and both submit to living by these Words, there would not be many divorces, if any. In today's society and culture however, that is a hard task to get done. There's a very good chance it won't happen if there is NO Bible study or love of God in your lives.

Please do not misunderstand me! I am NOT preaching to anyone, nor am I trying to shame anyone, but instead I am offering up a way to make it work whether you started your marriage in this manner or are still wanting to try to make it work, whether it be for the kids or just because... Men, love your wives like Christ loved the Church... Give it your all and everything... If she still is unfaithful or leaves, your conscience would be completely clear, Grieved but clear as having done everything humanly possible to make it work. God gave us an out for infidelity. Use it if you must and bee OK with it.

[Graysonhogs]

I too agree with what Playa posted, and in fact IF men and women would study God's Word and live by it, there would be no divorce.

What Playa posted is Biblically sound. There are at least 4 places in the New Testament that teaches us this principle. Here is the one from Ephesians:

Wives and Husbands
Eph 5:22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
Eph 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.
Eph 5:24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,
Eph 5:26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
Eph 5:27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.
Eph 5:28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;
Eph 5:29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,

Though each of these verses is important and necessary for a man and woman to join together and become one flesh as is described in the Bible as Holy Matrimony, I want to focus on what we as husbands are to do, how we are supposed to love our wives, verses 5:25 thru 5:29... Look at that! So many read the first few verses and THERE IT IS!!! THE GOTCHA FOR WOMEN...SUBMIT!!! ... but it is a shame if you stop reading right there! God tells us we are to love our wives LIKE CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH!! THAT is a TALL order men! Christ gave his life for the Church. He died for the church, willingly and lovingly! We can never reach His standards, but THAT is what we are to strive for and to pattern our lives after... I would submit, that if a man and his fiance' were to study this one chapter and all it tells men and women about marriage, then get married and both submit to living by these Words, there would not be many divorces, if any. In today's society and culture however, that is a hard task to get done. There's a very good chance it won't happen if there is NO Bible study or love of God in your lives.

Please do not misunderstand me! I am NOT preaching to anyone, nor am I trying to shame anyone, but instead I am offering up a way to make it work whether you started your marriage in this manner or are still wanting to try to make it work, whether it be for the kids or just because... Men, love your wives like Christ loved the Church... Give it your all and everything... If she still is unfaithful or leaves, your conscience would be completely clear, Grieved but clear as having done everything humanly possible to make it work. God gave us an out for infidelity. Use it if you must and bee OK with it.

Problem is, women aren’t raised like that anymore. PLUS, they have a financial “out”. Right or wrong, that’s how it is. I agree, IF people followed the Word, this would be a moot point. I 100% agree with that last sentence as well. Today’s society is sad. People think they don’t love each other when they aren’t “in love” and the new wears off. However, I have seen too many men think that “head of the house” to mean that they have carte blanche to be a jackass. They cherry pick that part for their own benefit and ignore the rest. People will fall back to the “women weren’t like that in our day. There wasn’t near the divorce”.
Of course there wasn’t. Women had next to no options for good jobs, coupled with the stigma of being a divorcee’. Faced with that, yeah staying married was abt the only choice. As times changed and more opportunities for women became available, as well as an instant gratification society, the rise in divorce was I inevitable. But cheating is the #1 deal breaker.


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[SaltwaterSlick]

Problem is, women aren’t raised like that anymore. PLUS, they have a financial “out”. Right or wrong, that’s how it is. I agree, IF people followed the Word, this would be a moot point. I 100% agree with that last sentence as well. Today’s society is sad. People think they don’t love each other when they aren’t “in love” and the new wears off. However, I have seen too many men think that “head of the house” to mean that they have carte blanche to be a jackass. They cherry pick that part for their own benefit and ignore the rest. People will fall back to the “women weren’t like that in our day. There wasn’t near the divorce”.
Of course there wasn’t. Women had next to no options for good jobs, coupled with the stigma of being a divorcee’. Faced with that, yeah staying married was abt the only choice. As times changed and more opportunities for women became available, as well as an instant gratification society, the rise in divorce was I inevitable. But cheating is the #1 deal breaker.


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Sad words but well said sir.

[Charles]

That's my wife. We saw that car eating while we were eating lunch in Fort Worth and I told her to pose with it for the green screen. LOL.

Yes her mouth is purdy!

She told me she wasn't married

[Sparkles]

I don't know but she sure as heck put a big ol red flag as a petty vindictive beesh on herself with that. ugh

Dealer plate doesn’t help either


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[Hughiam]

Father's Day last year my wife told me she wanted a divorce. It totally blindsided me and left me reeling like I'd been given a death sentence. We hadn't been in the best spot for a time, but I never thought she would want to end it. We have two kids together 11 and 5 at the time. I was agnostic boarding on atheist, she was an on again off again christiain but had quit going for a while. The lack of faith on my part was a problem, but there were other things.

I tried everything to save the marriage, offered going to counsiling, reached out to her preacher, her family, our mutual friends etc. She wasn't having any of it. 3 weeks later, she moved into our guest room, took off her wedding ring and changed her facebook status to "single" and started taking lots of "risque" pictures and updating it. Lots of filters, cleavage etc(shes 48). A few more weeks went by and I heard the "conversations" with someone else. Late night, lots of passion, lots of things I can't print. My kids heard it too. I ended up sleeping with ear plugs for months.

I still tried keeping her here, fought hard, begged, when to church, tried to pray, still nothing. Then she blocked me on any social media from seeing her. Her family basically took her side and I was "out". For the record, shes a financial train wreck, pathological liar, and couldnt finance a gumball with 50% down. That caused lots of problems for us. I bailed her out financially more times than I can count. And when I would get upset about it, it became my "fault" she lied about it because of how i reacted.

Anyway, after 100 days of this I finally went down to the courthouse and filed. I broke into tears in my truck, punched the dashboard, screamed at the sky. Nothing changed.

From then till she moved out on March 15 2019 I had to endure listening to those conversations, she quit her job and lived off "me" from December she moved out. She filed a domestic violence protective order against me because we had a fight about her "conversations" and money she took out of the health savings account.

The judge didn't believe it, but she tried to take the kids, the house, the guns, anger managment, supervised visitation, the whole works. I was one decision from losing my kids forever.

Fast forward although she stayed till March 15 we were divorced February 26. We both used lawyers for consultations, but didn't hire them outright. This saved me having to itemize everything I owned and her getting 1/2. Instead I gave her $100k out of my retirement and then she took everything she wanted out of the house, which was mostly everything(including the curtains).

I stood by and endured it, because they are just things. I wanted my kids 50/50 custody and knew if I fought shed continue to make bogus claims.

I pray often that I wish I had seen the signs, and been able to change things. I miss my "family" terribly and what it meant.( I was a wild one before her and didn't need anyone".
I could never take her back now, but she was my wife, the mother of my kids and that was something.

So, yes I filed because what she was doing, wasn't what I wanted my kids to have as an example of what a family should be. We told my oldest on the 4th of July weekend last year. She was lost, and I couldn't stop crying. But I also made my ex tell my daughter it was her idea, I wasnt taking the sword on that one.

Father's Day this year was the absolute worst, despite having my kids with me, its a painful reminder of what I had.

So..if there's infidelity, or abuse, I agree, go file. But for anything else, especially if there are kids involved, fight to your last breath to resurrect what you had. At 54, I'm staring at the single life with a 6 and 12 year old, this isn't how I planned how my life would go.

[Slick8]

Dang man, I can echo a similar story but not to the extreme of yours....eerily similar though.

I too made mine tell the girls which was no surprise since they had both her her talking to ole babe...

I made her file since it was her idea and unwillingness to try to save the 25 year marriage.

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[SaltwaterSlick]

Hugh, I am so, so sorry to hear about how this all turned out! Wish I could have helped some! You sir, keep your head up! I know you to be an honest, good man from experience. If you ever get back to this low country, let me know. I'd love to sit with you and talk. You're always welcome at my campfire!

[miket]

Father's Day last year my wife told me she wanted a divorce. It totally blindsided me and left me reeling like I'd been given a death sentence. We hadn't been in the best spot for a time, but I never thought she would want to end it. We have two kids together 11 and 5 at the time. I was agnostic boarding on atheist, she was an on again off again christiain but had quit going for a while. The lack of faith on my part was a problem, but there were other things.

I tried everything to save the marriage, offered going to counsiling, reached out to her preacher, her family, our mutual friends etc. She wasn't having any of it. 3 weeks later, she moved into our guest room, took off her wedding ring and changed her facebook status to "single" and started taking lots of "risque" pictures and updating it. Lots of filters, cleavage etc(shes 48). A few more weeks went by and I heard the "conversations" with someone else. Late night, lots of passion, lots of things I can't print. My kids heard it too. I ended up sleeping with ear plugs for months.

I still tried keeping her here, fought hard, begged, when to church, tried to pray, still nothing. Then she blocked me on any social media from seeing her. Her family basically took her side and I was "out". For the record, shes a financial train wreck, pathological liar, and couldnt finance a gumball with 50% down. That caused lots of problems for us. I bailed her out financially more times than I can count. And when I would get upset about it, it became my "fault" she lied about it because of how i reacted.

Anyway, after 100 days of this I finally went down to the courthouse and filed. I broke into tears in my truck, punched the dashboard, screamed at the sky. Nothing changed.

From then till she moved out on March 15 2019 I had to endure listening to those conversations, she quit her job and lived off "me" from December she moved out. She filed a domestic violence protective order against me because we had a fight about her "conversations" and money she took out of the health savings account.

The judge didn't believe it, but she tried to take the kids, the house, the guns, anger managment, supervised visitation, the whole works. I was one decision from losing my kids forever.

Fast forward although she stayed till March 15 we were divorced February 26. We both used lawyers for consultations, but didn't hire them outright. This saved me having to itemize everything I owned and her getting 1/2. Instead I gave her $100k out of my retirement and then she took everything she wanted out of the house, which was mostly everything(including the curtains).

I stood by and endured it, because they are just things. I wanted my kids 50/50 custody and knew if I fought shed continue to make bogus claims.

I pray often that I wish I had seen the signs, and been able to change things. I miss my "family" terribly and what it meant.( I was a wild one before her and didn't need anyone".
I could never take her back now, but she was my wife, the mother of my kids and that was something.

So, yes I filed because what she was doing, wasn't what I wanted my kids to have as an example of what a family should be. We told my oldest on the 4th of July weekend last year. She was lost, and I couldn't stop crying. But I also made my ex tell my daughter it was her idea, I wasnt taking the sword on that one.

Father's Day this year was the absolute worst, despite having my kids with me, its a painful reminder of what I had.

So..if there's infidelity, or abuse, I agree, go file. But for anything else, especially if there are kids involved, fight to your last breath to resurrect what you had. At 54, I'm staring at the single life with a 6 and 12 year old, this isn't how I planned how my life would go.

Man I hated reading this. I am so sorry you had to endure this. I have a few similar stories that I have never felt ready to share. I know the pain of a spouse cheating and even worse knowing beforehand/during. It is FAR worse than finding out later. Stay strong and life will get better, I promise. As I have said in other threads, it is going to suck for a while, but will get better and better till it is just a part of your past.


( this thread can be considered divorce advice )