Is my wife's heart too big? (long read)

[Txjourneyman]

You are a good man and she is a better woman.
Truly special people you two are.

Nah, I'm an a-hole that happened to marry a saint!

[J-Bob]

My parents did a lot of this when we were growing up. It seemed like we always had an extra down-on-their-luck person staying in the guest room. We had a lot of these folks coming through our church and my parents seemed to be a magnet for them.

It almost never ended well and with very few exceptions the people ended up bitterly resenting my parents after they left. That part always confused me since my parents had been very generous to them in opening their home and often providing emotional support.

These people were typically not good influences on us kids but more importantly they were like emotional black holes sucking up all of my parents' time, energy and attention. It caused problems with my siblings and I. We were on our own more than we needed to be while mom tried to "fix" her new project person. I would be most concerned about this for your daughter - not the risk of physical harm which I hope is low, but the high risk of emontional/parental missing time if your wife if spending all her time trying to prop this lady up.

One thing's for sure, if drugs were involved I would definitely require regular drug tests or your new roomie.

I hope your situation works out better than what we experienced.

[Texas Deer Dude]

You said you prayed about this, do you that God is in you doing this? If so trust Him. Pray and ask God how He wants you to be a blessing to this young lady and go from there. Remember this where God guides God provides. Trust Him and he will give you wisdom and guidance about this situation.

[lovemylegacy]

My wife is likely the most charitable person I know. She is a devout Christian and walks the walk. (Much more so than I). I have RELUCTANTLY agreed to her latest charitable endeavor, and now we have a young woman living in our home that just got out of a halfway house.
Our church runs a place called Grace House. A faith based drug and alcohol recovery home. Our new room mate is a recent "graduate". My wife does quite a bit of volunteer work at Grace House and accordingly know this young lady much better than I. I'm not sure that makes her a better judge of the situation since she tends to let emotion get in the way of logic when it comes to the ladies at Grace House.
The young lady seems very nice although I have hardly gotten to know her. The plan is for her to stay for 6 months and save for her own place and a car. She has found work at one of the nicer area restaurants and is making decent money for a 22 year old waitress. My big concern is that she is from the next town over, way too close to old friends and influences. And really, we don't know her or her past very well at all. I guess I'm worried about my stuff is what it comes down to. I have asked my brother in law to hold on to several valuable hunting items for me, at least for the time being.
I mentioned to my wife that I had these concerns and she got upset that I was more concerned with material things than helping someone out. She also said, "So if something comes up missing it's automatically her to blame?". To which I answered yes. That didn't go over well. Then she mentioned our homeowners insurance to take care of any losses. ( I didn't bother mentioning our deductible)
And, to put the icing on the cake, my weekend ride, my beater truck, has become our guest's transportation. Now, the truck is nothing spectacular, a 97 F-150 with a ton of miles. It does run and drive well. I only use it to run errands on weekends and it is my lease ride when I head up there. I do get the truck back anytime I need it. She is only supposed to use the truck for work, church, and recovery meetings. But, how can we be sure thats whats going on. I guess Carie has a lot more trust than I do.
I don't mind helping a person out that is willing to help themselves but where do you draw the line? God knows we have the room to do it since our oldest two have moved out, (both are doing great BTW, and sharing a rental home not far away). Our 10 year old loves having another girl in the house since Haley and Sheree have moved out.
We discussed this before it all happened and frankly there was a lack of communication about it. I thought this was all "tentative" and then all of a sudden...BAM! Its done. I am reluctant to ask the young lady to leave now that she is there. I will make the most of it and do my best to be a positive role model. But I am very concerned. I need to pray about this a whole lot more.

Rules and structure is what she needs. Make her understand there are rules, as she obeys rules and adheres to the structure of your household, trust is gained on yalls part. Obviously she has made a step to get away from her old life and you sir have been appointed by the LORD to help her. Prayers will be made on all of yalls behalf.

[WCB]

Trust but verify. I'd suggest investing in a GPS vehicle tracking device. I would want to know everywhere my truck has been. There is a lot of liability involved with her driving your truck.

yep


Be firm but fair brother. She does good, good. Step out of line,...

[hoghunter69]

i worked and retired from the state prison system and i can honestly tell you, it wont end well.

[J-Bob]

Bump for an update from the OP. Curious how this is working out.

[Eric Pence]

Your wife is a saint...But I on the other hand would have said "No Bueno" too much help leads to dependancy..and I would have a trust issue as well.

[JKaggie07]

This would be a hard one for me too, but I have found when I am most uncomfortable is when God is doing his best work in me. Stepping out of your comfort zone is hard to do but I think that your family and this young girl could be blessed by this whole situation instead of burdened. I too think you are on the right track.

[Txjourneyman]

So far it has been pretty uneventful. She had been using my truck to get back and forth to work. That came to a stop when I sold it. I'm a bit of a horse trader when it comes to my truck. I flip used trucks trying to find a better one. So while I'm waiting on the drivetrain on my next project truck to get rebuilt she has no wheels. That can be a pain when someone has to pick her up from work. Other than that no real issues.

[wickll]

As someone mentioned in the earlier posts, make sure there are some strong rules in place. Coming from the halfway house (and also since your wife works there), I am sure that the halfway house has some strong rules, or else it couldn't continue to function. I would suggest using these as a guide.
Bless you and prayers sent that this young lady will continue to keep her life on track .

[Dirtymike]

After trying to help people multiple times in my life, being burned multiple times in my life i have become a jerk. I would never bring in a drug addict into my home. Especially with my children being exposed to them. You said your daughter is excited to have another girl in the house. I remember how "cool" older kids were when I was young. I also remember many of the mistakes i made from learning what the "cool" kids do.

Again I am a jerk. I would check her records. Its public info. Not only exposing your child to someone who has taken the wrong road but by allowing her to drive your truck puts liablity on you. If she is jacked up and kills someone in your truck with state min liablity the family could pursue you as the owner.

If I felt like i had to hide my property in my home to feel safe from you taking it, you dont need to be in my home.

[kerrbow]

Have you talked to the young lady about your concerns? Tell her you are not as a trusting person as your wife(be up front with her). Our Lord Jesus loved all sinners but he was also not afraid to tell them about their behavior and the need to turn from their ways that lead to destruction. The world is full of success stories and testimonies of people who, when given the chance, turned their life over to Him and have never looked back. If she stumbles help her back up. And if she does, never, never throw it up to your wife. Set guidelines and be firm when backing them up.

[J-Bob]

So far it has been pretty uneventful. She had been using my truck to get back and forth to work. That came to a stop when I sold it. I'm a bit of a horse trader when it comes to my truck. I flip used trucks trying to find a better one. So while I'm waiting on the drivetrain on my next project truck to get rebuilt she has no wheels. That can be a pain when someone has to pick her up from work. Other than that no real issues.

Very glad to hear this. Thanks for the update.

[Hughiam]

The Genie is out of the bottle on this one. You are going to have to suck it up and live with it. I am no Christian, and would never had let this happen in my home. Too many repeat offenders in jail/prison and I have young kids.