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Old 12-19-2019, 12:54 PM   #1
topduarte
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Default How do u go about telling a parent she cannot drive anyore due to safety reasons

Just dropped off my mom at airport but she will probably miss her flight.

She got in a small fender bender on way to my home. She was lost and confused.

Lately I see more dings and scratches on her small suv.

Guy she hit was nice and did not want her to miss her flight. Only his mirror was damaged. I told him get an estimate and I will take care of it. He told she did mot even realize she hit him.

I need to talk to my brothers about this. They live out of town.

So how have any of you handled taking away driving duties to your parents?

Btw, i live in Pflugerville and she is in Jarrell.

Thanks

Manny
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Old 12-19-2019, 01:02 PM   #2
brianlg31
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In for the responses. My stepdad is at that point also. His truck looks like a demolition derby vehicle. He lives with my sister and she is beside herself on how to handle it. I tell her just take the keys away and tell him no more. But I donít have to deal with the heart break. Heís 87 and hasnít depended on anyone since he left home at 14.


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Old 12-19-2019, 01:03 PM   #3
twosixteens
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Unfortunately the best way is to be direct explain your reasons and how she doesn’t want to be the one to harm others. Good luck
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Old 12-19-2019, 01:06 PM   #4
Hoggslayer
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Prayers for wisdom and understanding. My Mother and MIL are getting to this point and I know its going to be a fight one day.
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Old 12-19-2019, 01:08 PM   #5
Dakota7493
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Yeah, I don't look forward to that day myself. Think my wife is ready to have her keys pulled and she's only 43!
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Old 12-19-2019, 01:10 PM   #6
WItoTX
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Quote:
Originally Posted by twosixteens View Post
Unfortunately the best way is to be direct explain your reasons and how she doesnít want to be the one to harm others. Good luck
This. I would be ****** if someone just took my keys. But if they come to me and make me receptive to their message, I would be much more likely to give up my keys.

Good Luck OP, getting old is fun for no one.
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Old 12-19-2019, 01:10 PM   #7
Artos
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My gramp refused to listen until he ran right into a huge yellow hummer at an intersection...said if he can hit that, he could kill a pedestrian. He was 90.
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Old 12-19-2019, 01:13 PM   #8
AntlerCollector
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Been through this with a grandfather years ago. We had to take the keys away.

Best way imo is to make them understand that they are a danger to other people and they can easily cause injuries to people even children in other vehicles
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Old 12-19-2019, 01:13 PM   #9
Goldeneagle
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We got lucky with our dad. He was 90 when his car took a dump. He had me come over to look at it. He wanted to buy a new car and I asked him why? My sister lived with him and took him to all his appointments, shopping, etc.. Why do you need another car. He looked at me and told me I was right. Pitched the keys in the floor of the car and called someone to haul it off.
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Old 12-19-2019, 01:17 PM   #10
sailor
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Start with, "I love you mom"...………………..
prayers for ya...……..
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Old 12-19-2019, 01:19 PM   #11
DavidH
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My mom had two accidents in and around Houston. After the first accident I told her I didn't think it was a good idea if she continued driving in Houston. She was upset at me for insinuating that she couldn't handle the hustle/bustle of Houston. She kept driving to Houston. After the second accident, I said "now you know why I suggested you not drive in Houston?" She was perturbed again. But she didn't drive anywhere but within 15-20 miles of where we live (south of Houston). These are all places/roads she is familiar with. She also toned down how aggressive she drove. I think outta fear that she would have another accident and I/we would for sure take her keys away completely. Her health has deteriorated now and she doesn't drive at all. You have my sympathy. Good luck.
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Old 12-19-2019, 01:22 PM   #12
Dale Moser
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From a distance.
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Old 12-19-2019, 01:26 PM   #13
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It’s tough first my grandpa, then my mom now my MIL , sitting here waiting to help her run to do errands, freedom is a hard thing to give up and is a burden to help them be safe
Praying for some peace
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Old 12-19-2019, 01:36 PM   #14
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Somebody ask Senor Burnadell how it was broke to him
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Old 12-19-2019, 01:39 PM   #15
friscopaint
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Daddy got out of hospital and we took it away, wasn't there when he got home and we told him no more driving. No nice way, sadly you become the parent.
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Old 12-19-2019, 01:41 PM   #16
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Adding my sister and I were in lock step on it. Direct was best in our case.
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Old 12-19-2019, 01:44 PM   #17
Jon-Paul
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I'm struggling with this as well. I tried telling him and got told I didn't know what I was talking about. I even offered to hire him a driver that and still did not work.

He still drives and I constantly worry about him.
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Old 12-19-2019, 01:45 PM   #18
JHoss
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You can submit to DPS in writing to have a medical review board look into their condition. Instructions are online. Basically a review board makes them come in for a driving test and if they fail or refuse to come, they lose their license.

That's the practical side... now making your parents agree they need to quit driving is a different matter. Good luck and prayers sent for wisdom in all of it.
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Old 12-19-2019, 01:52 PM   #19
tps7742
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Originally Posted by JHoss View Post
You can submit to DPS in writing to have a medical review board look into their condition. Instructions are online. Basically a review board makes them come in for a driving test and if they fail or refuse to come, they lose their license.

That's the practical side... now making your parents agree they need to quit driving is a different matter. Good luck and prayers sent for wisdom in all of it.
Definitely an option but as a last resort. Keep the government out of your personal business if possible.
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Old 12-19-2019, 02:21 PM   #20
Guardian Reaper
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No good way. Loss of ones independence is a tough realization, but more importantly is their safety along with the rest of ours!
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Old 12-19-2019, 02:36 PM   #21
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Originally Posted by AntlerCollector View Post
Been through this with a grandfather years ago. We had to take the keys away.

Best way imo is to make them understand that they are a danger to other people and they can easily cause injuries to people even children in other vehicles
My paw paw wasn't havin it. Didn't care about other people. He was an old hard keester. So we disabled his truck. Told him it was busted and it would cost too much to fix. He hated spending money. Maw maw convinced him to give it to me to get it out of their yard lol. So me and friend went over and towed away from the house and then cranked her up and drove it off.
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Old 12-19-2019, 02:48 PM   #22
Leverhunter
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Friend recently went through this. Sat the parent down with family doctor and they all had a discussion about it. Opinion of the doc was enough that the parent didn't put up much of a fuss and took a lot of the burden off the kids.
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Old 12-19-2019, 02:50 PM   #23
eastxhunter
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Get em a self driving Tesla - problem solved
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Old 12-19-2019, 02:51 PM   #24
glpoe1
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When my Mother got to that point I talked with her car insurance agent and he was happy to cancel her insurance on my behalf. I explained to her that due to her medical condition (diagnosed with dementia) that they would not be able to insure her car except in another family members name. It worked.
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Old 12-19-2019, 02:58 PM   #25
7sdad
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Fortunately my mother told me she was done, I got off easy with that part but she does live with me.
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Old 12-19-2019, 02:58 PM   #26
Hogmauler
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My mom had dementia and it was like trying to reason with an alcoholic or drug addict. She would not believe it. Can’t remember how it exactly how it went down but my dad basically took the keys I guess cause he started driving. She may have realized it herself and never said anything as well. It’s very hard for anyone to lose their driving priveleges. That was her independence. Just the fact that your concerned shows what type of person you are. You’ll find a way.
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Old 12-19-2019, 02:59 PM   #27
Shane
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Several good recommendations given already. Another option is to talk to her doctor and/or eye doctor and have them be the bad guy/gal in that conversation with your mom.
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Old 12-19-2019, 03:00 PM   #28
double bogey
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Last fall I grounded myself. I was on so much pain meds that I knew it could be an issue. I sure didn't want to hurt anyone else. didn't drive from a bit after thanksgiving, to june this year.

I hope I'll know when its time later.
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Old 12-19-2019, 03:01 PM   #29
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Duckologist View Post
My paw paw wasn't havin it. Didn't care about other people. He was an old hard keester. So we disabled his truck. Told him it was busted and it would cost too much to fix. He hated spending money. Maw maw convinced him to give it to me to get it out of their yard lol. So me and friend went over and towed away from the house and then cranked her up and drove it off.
Plot twist. Paw Paw was in his late 50's and a great driver. You just wanted his truck
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Old 12-19-2019, 03:03 PM   #30
texan4ut
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My Mom turned 88 yesterday. She would drive from Grandview to Arlington once a week to get her hair done. Finally she decided it was just too much of a drive for her thank God. The she had a bad fall at home and they took her t the hospital. Had nothing broken but a small concussion was enough for the Dr to tell her no driving for 3 months. She hated that but did what she was told. She was frustrated but she managed. Now she only drive within 20 miles of where she lives. Country roads she knows well and never at night. I have told her as long as she doesn't have an accident she can drive.
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Old 12-19-2019, 03:04 PM   #31
100%TtId
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Originally Posted by friscopaint View Post
Daddy got out of hospital and we took it away, wasn't there when he got home and we told him no more driving. No nice way, sadly you become the parent.
^^^This

No excuse with Uber, lyft, etc.
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Old 12-19-2019, 03:12 PM   #32
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Originally Posted by CEO View Post
Plot twist. Paw Paw was in his late 50's and a great driver. You just wanted his truck
Paw paw almost put the truck INSIDE the drug store. He hit it pretty hard but thankfully it was brick. Thankfully no one was walking in front of his truck. My paw paw never learned to drive an automatic. His trucks came equipped with a standard transmission, no radio, no AC and no electric anything. Wasn't many people dying to have his truck. He had two trucks in his life. That last was was a 1990 and we got it away from him in 2005ish. It had about 25,000 miles on it. I took it and sold it to a less fortunate soul for 400 bux. Oh, and he was in his early 90s
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Old 12-19-2019, 03:25 PM   #33
Leonhogboy
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It sure makes it easier if the Dr. says she shouldn't drive. Then he is the bad guy.

Peggy got confused going through the cones in a construction zone. She stopped in traffic and a truck hit her from behind. She knew she stopped and couldn't figure out why they said it was a moving violation.
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Old 12-19-2019, 03:34 PM   #34
Razorback01
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Following, my dad scares the crap outta me and wife.
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Old 12-19-2019, 03:35 PM   #35
Hart8
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My dad? Not a chance..My mom? Possibly..I can hear my dad telling me to kick rocks,and pound sand..I can hear my mother saying the first time you don't show up I'm outta here..They're both in their mid 70's..Cyndi's mom,she'd be cool with it.Her dad,not a chance.He's 80yrs old.Took me out Thanksgiving Day to show me how much power his new Chevy 6.2 gasser had..Half froze road in North Iowa.He didn't give a f...lol

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Old 12-19-2019, 03:36 PM   #36
BULL21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WItoTX View Post
This. I would be ****** if someone just took my keys. But if they come to me and make me receptive to their message, I would be much more likely to give up my keys.

Good Luck OP, getting old is fun for no one.
Problem is that wife elderly patients( many with cognitive issues), they donít process reasoning like you do. Many times, you canít have rational conversations.
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Old 12-19-2019, 03:37 PM   #37
topduarte
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Thanks to all, it will be a fight but we will not bring ut up until after Christmas when returns home.

Again thank you.

Manny
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Old 12-19-2019, 03:41 PM   #38
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My wife worked for a car dealership and she got a call one day from a customer inquiring about when his vehicle would be ready. Long story short, kids took the car away from the father and told him they took it to the dealership to be serviced. They told service writer to put notes in file that if he were to ever call up there, to just say that they are waiting on parts to fix and that it would be ready in a few weeks. He always accepted the answer and would call back again a month later with the same result.
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Old 12-19-2019, 03:47 PM   #39
AntlerCollector
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Duckologist View Post
My paw paw wasn't havin it. Didn't care about other people. He was an old hard keester. So we disabled his truck. Told him it was busted and it would cost too much to fix. He hated spending money. Maw maw convinced him to give it to me to get it out of their yard lol. So me and friend went over and towed away from the house and then cranked her up and drove it off.


Nice work
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Old 12-19-2019, 03:53 PM   #40
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I followed my mother and grandmother home one day from another family members house.
Gmom drove and thank god we were on a very lightly used road. She literally spent more time on the wrong side of the road than on the correct side. Over hills, around turns even so dar as to several times kick up rocks and grass. When we got to my mothers I had words. After that my brother drove her everywhere
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Old 12-19-2019, 03:54 PM   #41
TxSon1836
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sounds like a tough situation. prayers for ya bud seems like there is some solid advise on here though good luck!
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Old 12-19-2019, 03:58 PM   #42
tex4k
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Mom gave up her keys when she jumped the curb and plowed into the brick store front she was wanting to go to! More times than not they know, I can't blame them for being stubborn, I get a bit perturbed when my boys override my better judgement and insist on doing something for me!
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Old 12-19-2019, 04:38 PM   #43
jerp
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It is especially tough when early-onset dementia is involved. We reached that point with my dad when he got lost coming home from a store 5 miles away he had been going to for 30 years. (only 64 at the time) He was indignant and argued like crazy when we told him he couldn't drive - of course he had already forgotten about getting lost. My mom still had to drive so we sold one car and I installed a hidden kill switch on the other. For the next few years until he went to a nursing facility, every time they walked out to the car he tried to get in the drivers seat and mom would explain he can't drive and the argument started all over again.

Last edited by jerp; 12-19-2019 at 04:41 PM.
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Old 12-19-2019, 04:40 PM   #44
Huntsman27
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it is difficult but the best way to do it is lovingly but direct.
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Old 12-19-2019, 04:48 PM   #45
Abcdj
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My mom is in the beginning or showing signs of Dementia. It's a strange illness. Luckily she doesn't want to drive. Her and my dad are 86. He drives her where ever she needs to go. To us it's not about hurting her self driving If she wanted to drive. It is but it's secondary to her hurting others that's the real concern for us. We couldn't live with that and she couldn't either. After we talked with her in that direction she was totally on board.
I hope your situation goes well.
It's strange having grandkids we care for and elderly parents that are basically the same.
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Old 12-19-2019, 05:01 PM   #46
Hoggslayer
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You could just pull a few plug wires off and play dumb.

Last edited by Hoggslayer; 12-19-2019 at 05:59 PM.
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Old 12-19-2019, 05:23 PM   #47
Ellen
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That was a tough one for us too. My Dad LOVED his car, it was his pride and joy. But driving and Alzheimers just don't go together. We did like others have said and had the doctor tell him he didn't want him driving anymore. Fortunately he liked and trusted his doctor and turned over his keys. Once the keys weren't in his pocket he pretty much forgot about the car. Every now and then he would say "I used to have a car....."
He would also say "I had a wife once....." He and my Mom were married for 62 Years. Alzheimers SUCKS!!!!
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Old 12-19-2019, 07:36 PM   #48
Snowflake Killa
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Hell I need to take the keys from my wife. I have to drink at least a 20 pack to ride with her.

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Old 12-19-2019, 08:00 PM   #49
Swamprat
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Been there, done that with my both my Mom and Dad. With Mom, it was super easy and she eagerly gave up her driving. Dad wasn't as pleasant. He had been super independent for 70yrs and he "wanted the keys to my **** truck!" I was visiting them that weekend when everything unfolded and after I politely refused to give up the keys for two days, the heat was turned up. I always thought 'hopping mad' was a cute term, but I can assure you it's a real thing. I was very cautious to stay out of arm/cane's reach as I was absolutely sure a swing was coming. Though he was 82yrs old, he was in quite good shape and was even chopping trees with an axe just a few months before. He finally looked me in the eye and said, "I believe it's time for you to go...".

I'll never forget those (awful) moments...and made very sure my upper teen boys witnessed some of life's brutal reality. I watched my Dad do the same to my Grandpa and I have to say, it was nearly a repeat performance for both roles. One day, these fellas will have to do it for me..

Without question, it was the right thing to do for his safety as well as that of others.
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Old 12-19-2019, 08:43 PM   #50
doghouse
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Hope my kids don't read this thread!
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