I wrote this up on here quite a few years back. After seeing lots of white elephant threads I figured I would dig this up and share what can happen.
Long read but am sure some will get a kick out of it.
I call this the $400 chicken.
I like practical jokes, as a few on here can attest to. But I can honestly say I would never do anything to to intentionally hurt the feelings of or do harm to another person. But sometimes Murpheys law wins all.
I worked for a company called DSC communications. We were on a big project to provide major telecom companies with next generation cross connect systems. I worked with a guy named Chris, he was a pretty good ole boy from southern Misery. Chris was a yupee wannabe and liked expensive things. Lots at work didnt care much for him and called him a brown noser due to some things he did and his personal relationship with the VP of our project. I always felt a bit sorry for Chris cause whenever we had work pot lucks his wife would show up and give the VP backrubs in front of everyone to see. I was embarresed for Chris. Chris always wanted to be a manager,director or VP and would do anything to get there. But to his credit, the guy worked his arse off and I respected that. All those putting him down had no goals in life and hated him because he had goals he was willing to work for.
Chris bought a beautiful McMansion in a new development, was a beautiful place. When I first saw it I cringed due to the white carpet downstairs and the knowledge he had two young kids. White carpet and kids dont mix well, but soon to be revealed it dont mix well with buttheads either. The living room and kitchen were opened up together with just a bar between the two.
Chris decided to host a Christmas party at his new house for those of us at work and a few of his yupee neighbors that he really did not know yet. Was going to be a pretty big deal with lots of food, drink and fun. They also had planned a chinese gift exchange, one of those deals where you pick out a gift and if you dont like it you exchange it with the person that chose previously. Sounded fun to me......and then his wife warned me that no gag gifts were allowed. I am not one to go against protocol but she rubbed me a bit on the wrong side. So I devised a plan. I thought it would be real funny to buy a live duck and wrap up as my present. Would be funny to see it jump out of the box and waddle around the room.
After numerous long distance phone calls from work to where I lived on that Saturday I found someone who might have a duck for sale. I informed my wife of my plans and she pleaded with me to not do it. From this day on I pledge to at least give her wishes some consideration. My best buddy from jr high till now was coming to hang out that night and I got permission from Chris for him to attend the big party. As soon as Dan showed up we first stopped by the local watering hole for a beer or three and then proceeded to the farm to pick out a duck. When we got there the guy said he had no ducks but would sell me a guenea hen for 6 bucks. That sounded great to Dan and I. So we caught a guenea and shoved it in a box I brought.
We got back to my place with the guenea in the box and proceeded to wrap it up. We cut a few air holes in the box and then wrapped it in nice paper with "fragile, do not shake" written all over it. Wife was not happy one bit but knew nothing she could say or do would stop the events to take place.
We got to the party and put the gift with all the others. Lots of folks from work were there and the yuppee neighbors also. Finally the gift exchange started, I was amazed my gift was not being picked. I ended up with a ginga game after it was my turn and was happy. It came down to two gifts left and guess whose turn it was..yep, one of the yuppie neighbors and she chose my gift. She set the gift on the floor by the wrap around couch and opened it. Everyone was excited as the she and a couple others stood over it speechless.
At this point my life went into slow-motion mode. The gift was opened and 3 women were gauking over the hen and not saying a word. In my mind the hen had suffocated and I was gonna look bad by wrapping up a dead farm animal. About that time Chis's toy poodle hauled arse towards the box and the hen jumped straight out and landed on the carpet. The yupee neighbors also jumped straight up right onto the couch. The chase started with the poodle right on the guenea hens butt, and the guenaea was pooping on the white carpet with every step. The gunea ran behind the couch with poodle close on its tail. They came around and the gunea took flight right into the ceiling fan (oscar pointed to the gunea at this point and yelled "look, its a turkey") which propelled it onto the fireplace mantle which was decorated with porcelen Christmas trinkets. The gunea knocked all the trinkets off the mantle as it scurried across every inch of it. When the gunea got to the end of the mantle it took flight again across the room. The humans were reacting in several ways, everything from extreme laughter to extreme fear. The gunea made its way right into the giant punch bowl on the bar between the kitchen and living room. Of course the punch bowl ended up on the living room side with the white carpet. After the gunea hit the ground, feathers doused in red punch, it took flight again. The toy poodle right on its trail. The guenea started flying upstairs and I was able to pin it against the wall, where of course it pooped again on the wall.
I got the guena back in the box it came in and put it in the garage. I then gave my ginga game (which I hated to do) to the neighbor who picked the box with the guenea hen. I cleaned the poop off the carpet and the wall and tried getting the punch stains up to no avail. Chris then escorted Dan, my wife and I out the door with a few beers for the road (not sure if he was wanting us to wreck or not).
We were working 7 days a week back then so I stopped by the next morning with a carpet cleaning kit I had at the house and still couldnt get the stains out. So I told Chris I would pay for the carpet replacement. That day while we were at work a nearby farmers goats got loose and ate everything Chris had planted in his yard, When the farmer came by to apologize Chris gave him the hen. The farmer was kinda dumbfounded as to why Chris had the gunea hen in his garage in a box. Poor Chris told the story and the famrer busted out laughing in his face.
Sunday at work was rough. I was embarresed over what happened but was a hero to lots and a scumbag to some. I did not mean for things to go as they did, was supposed to be an innocent joke.
Monday came along and I got a call in the lab from the vice president (chris's friend) to come to his office. I was scared to death cause Jim could be very intimidating and no non-sense. The previous year two engineers had lost their job on a company ski trip due to some things that happened on the plane flight, figured I was another victim of corporate correctness. I walked into Jims office and he was sitting behind his desks with his usual scoul. Told me to sit down, which I did fearing the worst. He then threw his arms up like he was holding a basketball and yelled, "Richard, you must have cajones this big" then started laughing his arse off. We had customers on the east and west coast and from that day on when someone needed me they asked for "the chicken man". Was amazing how fast the story spread across the US and customers would ask for the chicken man when something was needed.
The carpet replacement ended up costing me around $360. With the cost of the hen and the long distance calls it ended up being the most expensive prank I have ever done. This was in 1980s currency. Another time I should have had my arse whooped but all was forgiven in the end. I will never do something that stupid again.
This is absolutely a true story and my wife still cringes when I tell it.
Long read but am sure some will get a kick out of it.
I call this the $400 chicken.
I like practical jokes, as a few on here can attest to. But I can honestly say I would never do anything to to intentionally hurt the feelings of or do harm to another person. But sometimes Murpheys law wins all.
I worked for a company called DSC communications. We were on a big project to provide major telecom companies with next generation cross connect systems. I worked with a guy named Chris, he was a pretty good ole boy from southern Misery. Chris was a yupee wannabe and liked expensive things. Lots at work didnt care much for him and called him a brown noser due to some things he did and his personal relationship with the VP of our project. I always felt a bit sorry for Chris cause whenever we had work pot lucks his wife would show up and give the VP backrubs in front of everyone to see. I was embarresed for Chris. Chris always wanted to be a manager,director or VP and would do anything to get there. But to his credit, the guy worked his arse off and I respected that. All those putting him down had no goals in life and hated him because he had goals he was willing to work for.
Chris bought a beautiful McMansion in a new development, was a beautiful place. When I first saw it I cringed due to the white carpet downstairs and the knowledge he had two young kids. White carpet and kids dont mix well, but soon to be revealed it dont mix well with buttheads either. The living room and kitchen were opened up together with just a bar between the two.
Chris decided to host a Christmas party at his new house for those of us at work and a few of his yupee neighbors that he really did not know yet. Was going to be a pretty big deal with lots of food, drink and fun. They also had planned a chinese gift exchange, one of those deals where you pick out a gift and if you dont like it you exchange it with the person that chose previously. Sounded fun to me......and then his wife warned me that no gag gifts were allowed. I am not one to go against protocol but she rubbed me a bit on the wrong side. So I devised a plan. I thought it would be real funny to buy a live duck and wrap up as my present. Would be funny to see it jump out of the box and waddle around the room.
After numerous long distance phone calls from work to where I lived on that Saturday I found someone who might have a duck for sale. I informed my wife of my plans and she pleaded with me to not do it. From this day on I pledge to at least give her wishes some consideration. My best buddy from jr high till now was coming to hang out that night and I got permission from Chris for him to attend the big party. As soon as Dan showed up we first stopped by the local watering hole for a beer or three and then proceeded to the farm to pick out a duck. When we got there the guy said he had no ducks but would sell me a guenea hen for 6 bucks. That sounded great to Dan and I. So we caught a guenea and shoved it in a box I brought.
We got back to my place with the guenea in the box and proceeded to wrap it up. We cut a few air holes in the box and then wrapped it in nice paper with "fragile, do not shake" written all over it. Wife was not happy one bit but knew nothing she could say or do would stop the events to take place.
We got to the party and put the gift with all the others. Lots of folks from work were there and the yuppee neighbors also. Finally the gift exchange started, I was amazed my gift was not being picked. I ended up with a ginga game after it was my turn and was happy. It came down to two gifts left and guess whose turn it was..yep, one of the yuppie neighbors and she chose my gift. She set the gift on the floor by the wrap around couch and opened it. Everyone was excited as the she and a couple others stood over it speechless.
At this point my life went into slow-motion mode. The gift was opened and 3 women were gauking over the hen and not saying a word. In my mind the hen had suffocated and I was gonna look bad by wrapping up a dead farm animal. About that time Chis's toy poodle hauled arse towards the box and the hen jumped straight out and landed on the carpet. The yupee neighbors also jumped straight up right onto the couch. The chase started with the poodle right on the guenea hens butt, and the guenaea was pooping on the white carpet with every step. The gunea ran behind the couch with poodle close on its tail. They came around and the gunea took flight right into the ceiling fan (oscar pointed to the gunea at this point and yelled "look, its a turkey") which propelled it onto the fireplace mantle which was decorated with porcelen Christmas trinkets. The gunea knocked all the trinkets off the mantle as it scurried across every inch of it. When the gunea got to the end of the mantle it took flight again across the room. The humans were reacting in several ways, everything from extreme laughter to extreme fear. The gunea made its way right into the giant punch bowl on the bar between the kitchen and living room. Of course the punch bowl ended up on the living room side with the white carpet. After the gunea hit the ground, feathers doused in red punch, it took flight again. The toy poodle right on its trail. The guenea started flying upstairs and I was able to pin it against the wall, where of course it pooped again on the wall.
I got the guena back in the box it came in and put it in the garage. I then gave my ginga game (which I hated to do) to the neighbor who picked the box with the guenea hen. I cleaned the poop off the carpet and the wall and tried getting the punch stains up to no avail. Chris then escorted Dan, my wife and I out the door with a few beers for the road (not sure if he was wanting us to wreck or not).
We were working 7 days a week back then so I stopped by the next morning with a carpet cleaning kit I had at the house and still couldnt get the stains out. So I told Chris I would pay for the carpet replacement. That day while we were at work a nearby farmers goats got loose and ate everything Chris had planted in his yard, When the farmer came by to apologize Chris gave him the hen. The farmer was kinda dumbfounded as to why Chris had the gunea hen in his garage in a box. Poor Chris told the story and the famrer busted out laughing in his face.
Sunday at work was rough. I was embarresed over what happened but was a hero to lots and a scumbag to some. I did not mean for things to go as they did, was supposed to be an innocent joke.
Monday came along and I got a call in the lab from the vice president (chris's friend) to come to his office. I was scared to death cause Jim could be very intimidating and no non-sense. The previous year two engineers had lost their job on a company ski trip due to some things that happened on the plane flight, figured I was another victim of corporate correctness. I walked into Jims office and he was sitting behind his desks with his usual scoul. Told me to sit down, which I did fearing the worst. He then threw his arms up like he was holding a basketball and yelled, "Richard, you must have cajones this big" then started laughing his arse off. We had customers on the east and west coast and from that day on when someone needed me they asked for "the chicken man". Was amazing how fast the story spread across the US and customers would ask for the chicken man when something was needed.
The carpet replacement ended up costing me around $360. With the cost of the hen and the long distance calls it ended up being the most expensive prank I have ever done. This was in 1980s currency. Another time I should have had my arse whooped but all was forgiven in the end. I will never do something that stupid again.
This is absolutely a true story and my wife still cringes when I tell it.
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