Holding a child back (4th grade)

[Playa]

My wife and I are considering holding my son back this year, he is a 4th grader. Technically he is an A/B student, but it is artificially inflated because the school allows for grades to be corrected to passing, for most assignments and even some tests. This practice is asinine in my opinion, but that’s another discussion.

We have tried both carrot and stick. Kid has basically been grounded since thanksgiving due to grades. We are so frustrated. His homework takes 2+ hours per day with my wife’s watch care & assistance. But he continues to struggle to demonstrate a level of responsibility and proficiency.

He is one of the youngest if not the youngest in his entire class. I think this has some to do with it. We are hoping a year to mature and review the concepts of the 4th grade will help.

We don’t expect straigh A’s but failing grades and “I forgot” just isn’t acceptable.

Anyone held a kid back this late? We considered it in the 2nd grade but his teacher encouraged us just to continue to work with him, but that hasn’t seemed to work.

[Mike D]

Man, I feel your pain. We have fought this with our son through his entire school time. Early on I feel he truly struggled but as he got to jr high and now SR high school, a lot of it is laziness on his part. Since he has been allowed to skate and turn stuff in late and not be held accountable for his actions (or lack thereof) he has just become to think that is the norm and acceptable.

We have done the same as you with carrot and stick but it hasn’t made a whole lot of difference and it’s extremely frustrating.

Unfortunately I don’t have any advice for you as we have done everything we know to do from the parent side and it still continues into his senior year.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

[JayKen86]

We held my son back in first grade, like yours he was youngest in his class ( July birthday). I wanted to hold him back in kinder but teacher explained there really wasn't any point in that. We also discovered he has an inner ear problem and couldn't hear and since surgery there has been a world of difference.

Now I will play devils advocate and tell you what so many are against and don't want to hear.... look into learning disabilities. Like ADD and dyslexia. My son was diagnosed with ADD and is medicated for it. He now enjoys school work and goes out of his way to participate. I know there are so many people totally against this medication, but truth be told it's a real disability. I myself have it and have taken medication since high school. I wouldn't be where I am today without being diagnosed and would have given up and just settled for any old run of the mill job.

[Tex]

Ask the teachers if they think he has ADD. They aren't allowed to say anything unless asked. My son was the same way and my wife (a teacher) said he was. I'm old school and said he just needed his butt busted. Finally in fourth grade we put him on meds. Wow what a difference.
My son was never hyper or disrespectful but his brain just doesn't process like most do. Also I would have no problem with holding back a fourth grader if that's what you determine is best.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[bullhead44]

If you feel he needs it, he probably does. . You may also check into having him tested for any learning disabilities. I talked to a mother of a student I coached who always struggled in school. She is now 26 and they just realized she has vision problem and when she reads, her eyes see 2 different lines at the same time. She refused to try college because she felt dumb. Her problem was corrected with glasses and she is now going to college and making a's and B's.

If he is into athletics, it will be a big benefit once he gets into high school. Lots of growing goes on around 17-18 in boys. Of course, that is coming from the perspective of a coach

[whakm]

I was held back in the 2nd grade because of "maturity" issues ( I would have rather played and drawn pictures on my assignments)and it was the best thing that could have happened. In that one year I matured and was lucky enough to get a teacher that knew how to bring the best out in me.

[Playa]

If you feel he needs it, he probably does. . You may also check into having him tested for any learning disabilities. I talked to a mother of a student I coached who always struggled in school. She is now 26 and they just realized she has vision problem and when she reads, her eyes see 2 different lines at the same time. She refused to try college because she felt dumb. Her problem was corrected with glasses and she is now going to college and making a's and B's.

If he is into athletics, it will be a big benefit once he gets into high school. Lots of growing goes on around 17-18 in boys. Of course, that is coming from the perspective of a coach

That’s part of the problem, kid has zero motivation and goals and no self discipline. He is adequately intelligent enough for academics and a natural athlete, but forget about him going and shooting hoops or practicing catching pop flies on his own. If it isn’t friends or electronics he doesent seem to care, that is why we thought grounding him from those would motivate him to perform better. He does have trouble focusing but from what I can tell it’s not any more than an average boy his age.

He just has no drive which is hard for my wife and I to comprehend as we are both high achievers. I can relate a little because I skated by on my wit and charm stating about the 7th grade. I want better for him.

[LROSE]

My wife and I too are on the fence about this topic. Our son is in 4th grade and has never taken to school like his sister did. We did have him tested for dyslexia and he does have it. He is in the Scottish Rite Program for it and this year has been a learning year for us all. His reading has gotten better but he still has that "I dont know, I cant remember" attitude. He is a very smart child and is sharp as a tack BUT his lack of confidence in himself in the classroom is his biggest hurdle. We are trying to decide if he should be held back now in the 4th grade to try to get him caught up instead of waiting till later and him being behind the rest of the class next year and beyond.

[tkuehn5410]

I'm on the fence on this one, but it really does sound like something worth considering, given he'll have a year to mature and be one of the oldest instead of the youngest, which may help his test scores in high school as he considers college.

[JayB]

My youngest, the teachers thought we should have held back in K. We didn't until grade 3. He too has a late (JULY) birthday, plus Aspergers, so it was the right thing for him in 3rd. He would finally catch up with the others (maturity) about the end of the year but be behind them again at the start of the next school session. Holding him back helped some. He did not really have a problem repeating 3rd grade and scored fairly well. His friends were a grade ahead but that became a non issue after about a year.

I will say this, You are the parents, you know best. If school work is getting into your time to be together as a family and frustrating everybody involved, something needs to change. He will never like school if he knows it will make Mom and Dad upset. Grades aren't everything, effort is, just like you said.

Alternatives may need to be looked at before middle school starts.

[Playa]

The school’s homework system is broken, and that is a losing battle I’m willing to take up. The amount of homework they assign is sillly and leaves little time to be a kid. And they do not have a checks and balances system in place for parents. He will be missing assignments we don’t even know he has

[White Falcon]

My parents held me back in 4th grade. They said years later it was a big mistake. Today tutoring is the way to go.

[trhunter]

Best thing we ever did for both our kids. My son was one of the youngest in his class and we didn't want him to graduate while he was still 17. Now my daughter has dyslexia and with her we really had too. We do not regret it. There will be some for it and some against it but to tell you the truth it is what you and your wife think is best for your child.

Oh we didn't hold my son back until the 6th grade, it is the parents right until the reach 8th grade I do believe. My daughter was held back in the 1st grade after testing.

[garza]

very tough and touchy subject. we are going through the same thing with our 8 year old daughter. We just had her tested at the Scottish Rite Institute for dyslexia and ADD and she has both. in fact i'm about to go pick up my daughter and we are heading to her pediatrician to discuss the results and start her on meds, which i was very against in the beginning but because of her learning disabilities and frustration i've learn to be more open about it. its been a very difficult 6-7 months. if you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask.

garza

[Farmdog]

I personally think you should hold him back