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Old 03-23-2018, 12:43 PM   #1
Worksalot
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Default Ever considered premarital counseling?

I think it’ll be worth it. Willing to pay for whatever it costs. Haven’t decided yet on which marriage counselor.
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Old 03-23-2018, 12:50 PM   #2
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You don't need no stinking counselor. Marriage is easy. I've done it 3 times.

Seriously though, it couldn't hurt.
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Old 03-23-2018, 12:50 PM   #3
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Some churches require it.
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Old 03-23-2018, 12:51 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by Graysonhogs View Post
You don't need no stinking counselor. Marriage is easy. I've done it 3 times.
Winner!
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Old 03-23-2018, 12:54 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by Graysonhogs View Post
You don't need no stinking counselor. Marriage is easy. I've done it 3 times.

Seriously though, it couldn't hurt.
LOL!



Seriously though, our preacher required it before he would marry us. It can't hurt.
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Old 03-23-2018, 12:58 PM   #6
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Are you kidding. You have the Green Screen. Ask us anything and we'll have an answer!
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Old 03-23-2018, 01:04 PM   #7
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Yes but NOT for couples. Couples counseling is a giant waste of time and money. Go get counseling for yourself. Fix YOU. Be the best YOU. Then when the two of YOU know how to do be great by yourself and communicate with each other then and ONLY then is couples counseling worth it. I can assure you any marital type problems are based on unmet expectations. PERIOD. If you cannot communicate in a loving way your expectations and their expectations of you then, you're wasting time.
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Old 03-23-2018, 01:05 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by Graysonhogs View Post
You don't need no stinking counselor. Marriage is easy. I've done it 3 times.

Seriously though, it couldn't hurt.
Yep, getting married is the easy part. Staying married is where the work starts.

I wouldn't call what my wife and I did as pre-marital counseling but we did have to go through an interview of sorts before the pastor would agree to perform the ceremony. He asked questions and gave advice and I think it only lasted about an hour. I feel like even that was beneficial.

We haven't had any issues that we couldn't figure out how to overcome by spending a little time studying the Word and openly talking with each other. If we ever encounter a problem we can't overcome with those things, I won't hesitate for us to seek counseling.

And while you're not asking for it, I'm going to give you some simple advise anyway. Don't be afraid to show her your vulnerabilities early in your relationship, and allow her to be empathetic to them. On the flip side, be empathetic when she shows you her vulnerabilities. She won't always need you to fix her problems, sometimes just listening is enough. Solid advice from a Texas counselor named Brenee Brown. You can find her videos on YouTube.

May the Lord bless your upcoming marriage.
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Old 03-23-2018, 01:06 PM   #9
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They didn't have that when I got married
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Old 03-23-2018, 01:08 PM   #10
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Repeat and agree to this statement and life will be good
"yes dear, my sole purpose in life is to please you"
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Old 03-23-2018, 01:12 PM   #11
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buddy of mine did it and backed out after the counseling. Saved him lots of cash and grief
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Old 03-23-2018, 01:18 PM   #12
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buddy of mine did it and backed out after the counseling. Saved him lots of cash and grief
Smart man, right there.
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Old 03-23-2018, 01:20 PM   #13
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We did it before getting married. Was a good experience. I think it’s worth it. I don’t remember it actually costing anything though.


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Old 03-23-2018, 01:21 PM   #14
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Ask yourself these simple questions and there is no need for it. You can mix the order of questions if you like.

1. Is she low maintenance?

2. Where does she fall on the crazy/hot matrix. (if you don't know what that is, do yourself a favor and look it up)

3. What does her mother look like?

4. Can she bait her own hook?

5. Can she pack a cooler?

I'm sure some others will have more questions you can add to the list.





seriously though, if you feel the need, then do it. Good luck
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Old 03-23-2018, 01:29 PM   #15
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Other than being required by your church, no. If you need counseling with your girlfriend/fiancé pre marriage then you don’t need to marry that person. In my mind counseling would be a last resort to save the marriage. Just my thoughts
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Old 03-23-2018, 01:35 PM   #16
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Other than being required by your church, no. If you need counseling with your girlfriend/fiancé pre marriage then you don’t need to marry that person. In my mind counseling would be a last resort to save the marriage. Just my thoughts
Exactly. If y'all need counseling prior to getting married then my guess is it was never meant to be in the first place.
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Old 03-23-2018, 01:35 PM   #17
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Default Ever considered premarital counseling?

Quote:
Originally Posted by R.W.T View Post
Other than being required by your church, no. If you need counseling with your girlfriend/fiancé pre marriage then you don’t need to marry that person. In my mind counseling would be a last resort to save the marriage. Just my thoughts


That “last resort” might have been avoided with some proactive tools for dealing with problems that could “possibly” arise. Counseling and “problems” are not mutually inclusive.


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Old 03-23-2018, 01:35 PM   #18
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I couldn't disagree more with the comments about how it's unnecessary.

It's one of the best things you can do if you want to have a successful and happy lifelong marriage. Also, make sure it isn't the last thing you and your spouse (after you're married) do together to learn how to do life together better. Take more classes. Read more books. Get involved in more marital enrichment offerings at church, etc....

It doesn't matter who you are or who you pick as a mate. Marriage takes effort. It requires work to grow into the person you need to be to fulfill your part of the relationship. When both of you put in the work, it works out great. If at least one of you won't, then the wheels are eventually gonna fall off. Guaranteed.

And I'll add this.... It's been my experience, both with myself and with others, that if you're opposed to doing this kind of stuff it's a big sign that you really need it. I know I was definitely very uncomfortable with the idea at first, because I was afraid to have to admit I had areas that needed improvement. I didn't want to have to give in on some things I was being selfish about. Everybody else I've ever known that fought against any kind of counseling or class was doing so for pretty much the same reasons. We all, especially men, want to hang on to selfishness and are afraid of being honest about ourselves. It's hard to step up and be honest about yourself and to let go of whatever version of selfishness you have going on in order to put your wife's best interests ahead of your own selfish interests. But that's what God calls husbands to do. He tells us to love our wives like Christ loved the church. (Hint: Jesus willingly gave up his life for the church.) Being that kind of husband ain't for sissies.

Last edited by Shane; 03-23-2018 at 01:46 PM.
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Old 03-23-2018, 01:36 PM   #19
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The church we are getting married at requires it. Nothing real formal but they pair you up with a volunteer couple that has similar life experiences. We are supposed to start it in the next month or two. Six sessions recommended to be completed at every other week intervals.
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Old 03-23-2018, 01:37 PM   #20
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[QUOTE=bullhead44;13268799]Ask yourself these simple questions and there is no need for it. You can mix the order of questions if you like.

1. Is she low maintenance?

2. Where does she fall on the crazy/hot matrix. (if you don't know what that is, do yourself a favor and look it up)

3. What does her mother look like?

4. Can she bait her own hook?

5. Can she pack a cooler?

I'm sure some others will have more questions you can add to the list.





seriously though, if you feel the need, then do it. Good luck[/c

the crazy hot chart is a life saver
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Old 03-23-2018, 01:40 PM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Graysonhogs View Post
You don't need no stinking counselor. Marriage is easy. I've done it 3 times.

Seriously though, it couldn't hurt.
It sounds like fun fun fun.
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Old 03-23-2018, 01:41 PM   #22
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The pre-marital counseling we went through wasn’t to help work through current problems in the relationship. More about learning how to be the best we can for each other, and our family, through god. I feel like some are thinking of “counseling”, in the way of something is wrong and needs to be fixed. Which wasn’t the case for us.


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Old 03-23-2018, 01:45 PM   #23
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I did it. Worked good. Let's be honest relationships almost always fail for the same reasons. It stands to reason that someone talks to you both and makes sure your on the same page and have the same ideas. Can't put you anywhere but ahead.
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Old 03-23-2018, 01:45 PM   #24
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Yes. If you are considering getting married you need counseling!!!!
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Old 03-23-2018, 01:46 PM   #25
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YES! I have officiated close to 100 weddings and require pre-marital counseling before each marriage. 3-4 sessions. We go over the biggest fights in marriage, Sex, Money, and In-laws.

You'd be amazed the things that come out in just those 3 topics
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Old 03-23-2018, 01:47 PM   #26
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BTW, I never charged for the counseling or the wedding but would welcome an honorarium if one was offered by the couple.
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Old 03-23-2018, 01:48 PM   #27
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If you are doing it because you and your fiance are having issues, you need to eject now. If you are doing it for other reasons, go for it.
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Old 03-23-2018, 01:58 PM   #28
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Quote:
Originally Posted by texascanesfan View Post
yes. If you are considering getting married you need counseling!!!!
lol:d:d
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Old 03-23-2018, 02:00 PM   #29
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Originally Posted by ultrastealth View Post
If you are doing it because you and your fiance are having issues, you need to eject now. If you are doing it for other reasons, go for it.
It’s for other reasons. So that we’re both better prepared.
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Old 03-23-2018, 02:02 PM   #30
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I don't think it is necessary. But then, what do I know, my wife and I have only been married 48 years.
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Old 03-23-2018, 02:07 PM   #31
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Worksalot View Post
It’s for other reasons. So that we’re both better prepared.
I took your OP all wrong. Good for y'all for wanting to start off on the right path.
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Old 03-23-2018, 02:07 PM   #32
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Before I got married I had all kinds of counseling, dads, uncles and such. But I was young and dumb and didn't listen. Sure makes for some life experience but we've made 41 yrs.
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Old 03-23-2018, 02:13 PM   #33
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If it’s to be better prepared then do it. You are going to be doing lots of things you don’t want to do once your married. Pick your battles
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Old 03-23-2018, 02:25 PM   #34
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It's a great program that most church's offer and it gets you a discount on your marriage license if it is a certified program by the state.

For most couples that communicate you won't get much out of it. What I learned is that there are a lot of people getting married that shouldn't. The older couple we did the class with told us they have a lot of couples come in that have never had a conversation about the following: Do you want kids, Who will pay the bills, What is our monthly budget, Retirement, Sex, Religion, Political Opinions, Boundaries with In-laws.

Scared the crap out of me that people are going to get married and have never talked about if the other person wants kids.

Go into it with an open mind and see what you can learn to help build your marriage. If you think you have nothing to learn you're delusional.
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Old 03-23-2018, 02:32 PM   #35
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Phillip Fields View Post
I don't think it is necessary. But then, what do I know, my wife and I have only been married 48 years.
That would be akin the the guy who never gains weight saying the gym's a waste of time. Everybody is different.
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Old 03-23-2018, 02:35 PM   #36
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We were required to do it by the church.

I don't like lying.

I made an exception.
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Old 03-23-2018, 02:43 PM   #37
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Quote:
Originally Posted by robie View Post
It's a great program that most church's offer and it gets you a discount on your marriage license if it is a certified program by the state.

For most couples that communicate you won't get much out of it. What I learned is that there are a lot of people getting married that shouldn't. The older couple we did the class with told us they have a lot of couples come in that have never had a conversation about the following: Do you want kids, Who will pay the bills, What is our monthly budget, Retirement, Sex, Religion, Political Opinions, Boundaries with In-laws.

Scared the crap out of me that people are going to get married and have never talked about if the other person wants kids.

Go into it with an open mind and see what you can learn to help build your marriage. If you think you have nothing to learn you're delusional.
We talked about marriage and kids in the very beginning. Said yes and yes to both those questions as did she. Some subjects are uncomfortable but we talk about them anyways.
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Old 03-23-2018, 02:44 PM   #38
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shane View Post
I couldn't disagree more with the comments about how it's unnecessary.

It's one of the best things you can do if you want to have a successful and happy lifelong marriage. Also, make sure it isn't the last thing you and your spouse (after you're married) do together to learn how to do life together better. Take more classes. Read more books. Get involved in more marital enrichment offerings at church, etc....

It doesn't matter who you are or who you pick as a mate. Marriage takes effort. It requires work to grow into the person you need to be to fulfill your part of the relationship. When both of you put in the work, it works out great. If at least one of you won't, then the wheels are eventually gonna fall off. Guaranteed.

And I'll add this.... It's been my experience, both with myself and with others, that if you're opposed to doing this kind of stuff it's a big sign that you really need it. I know I was definitely very uncomfortable with the idea at first, because I was afraid to have to admit I had areas that needed improvement. I didn't want to have to give in on some things I was being selfish about. Everybody else I've ever known that fought against any kind of counseling or class was doing so for pretty much the same reasons. We all, especially men, want to hang on to selfishness and are afraid of being honest about ourselves. It's hard to step up and be honest about yourself and to let go of whatever version of selfishness you have going on in order to put your wife's best interests ahead of your own selfish interests. But that's what God calls husbands to do. He tells us to love our wives like Christ loved the church. (Hint: Jesus willingly gave up his life for the church.) Being that kind of husband ain't for sissies.
Spot on, Shane...as usual

Quote:
Originally Posted by Worksalot View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by ultrastealth View Post
If you are doing it because you and your fiance are having issues, you need to eject now. If you are doing it for other reasons, go for it.
It’s for other reasons. So that we’re both better prepared.
Smart man keep that attitude about your relationship, and you'll do fine IMO

Quote:
Originally Posted by robie View Post
It's a great program that most church's offer and it gets you a discount on your marriage license if it is a certified program by the state.

For most couples that communicate you won't get much out of it. What I learned is that there are a lot of people getting married that shouldn't. The older couple we did the class with told us they have a lot of couples come in that have never had a conversation about the following: Do you want kids, Who will pay the bills, What is our monthly budget, Retirement, Sex, Religion, Political Opinions, Boundaries with In-laws.

Scared the crap out of me that people are going to get married and have never talked about if the other person wants kids.

Go into it with an open mind and see what you can learn to help build your marriage. If you think you have nothing to learn you're delusional.
All valid and extremely important things to know. I agree, it's terrifying how many couples have no idea what the other one is thinking/desiring in life
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Old 03-23-2018, 02:46 PM   #39
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Methodist Minister required it and I'm glad that we did it.

We'll be married 35 years this coming Monday.

Go for it.
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Old 03-23-2018, 02:49 PM   #40
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My marriage tip:

Remember what is said, can never be unsaid. Think about what your are about to say before opening your mouth.
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Old 03-23-2018, 02:54 PM   #41
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Our church requires marriage preparation classes/counseling, whatever you would prefer to call it. I 100% support it. Marriage is tough enough, why not do something on the front end that may help your marriage last and prosper?
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Old 03-23-2018, 03:03 PM   #42
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Worksalot View Post
We talked about marriage and kids in the very beginning. Said yes and yes to both those questions as did she. Some subjects are uncomfortable but we talk about them anyways.
The fact you are actually asking about it means you give a ****, which puts you at a head start. I've heard stories about engaged couples just so "in love" and never bothered to talk about how life is going to work. Have the difficult conversations, learn how to talk about a fight after it happened. Learn how each other communicates. Learn "love languages", as silly as that sounded to me it helped us. I'm an actions person so my wife learned that when i do something for her it is because I love her and in tern she will get up early and make me breakfast before a big hunt or prepare for a out of state trip. She is a words person so I attempt to tell her why I love her, doesn't always go so well but it lets her know I'm making an effort. If your fiance is a words person just be prepared saying I love you doesn't count.


Also had a friends in couples counseling before they were married, that one didn't last 6 months.
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Old 03-23-2018, 03:05 PM   #43
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Quote:
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Some churches require it.
Our Pastor did. Took a test and he said "are you sure you want to get married" or something similar. We did and still together after 25 years.
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Old 03-23-2018, 03:15 PM   #44
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Look up Family Life A Weekend To Remember. We went after being married 2 years and again at 5 yrs. Married for 9 yrs and actually just want to go again because it's fun. Both times we attended there were quite a few pre married couples. May look expensive but most of the time they will throw you in a group deal and get 50% off. Locations all throughout the US. We went to Frisco, Tx and Jackson, Ms locations.

Highly recommend and nothing wrong with premarital counseling!
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Old 03-23-2018, 03:19 PM   #45
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my pastor required it before marrying us. Of course the sessions were thru him, but it was a great thing for us. We took some tests that told us about our personality traits, and due to the differences developed some processes to work thru tough situations that resulted from our personality clashes.

While we always knew we wouldn't see eye to eye on everything, the counseling helped us learn to work thru those time more effectively, which has strengthened our marriage. I would recommend it for sure, and most churches provide it.
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Old 03-23-2018, 03:23 PM   #46
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Go ahead and marry this one. You'll learn a lot and the second one you'll know what to expect. Worked for me 20 years ago. Lol

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Old 03-23-2018, 05:33 PM   #47
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Try being a Methodist marrying a Catholic girl who has 3 uncles in the priesthood. You will get all the premarital counseling you can stand....but,we have been married for 54 years so maybe it was good.
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Old 03-23-2018, 05:42 PM   #48
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We did and it was great our church provides it for a small fee. Well worth it.
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Old 03-23-2018, 05:46 PM   #49
JLivi1224
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Hunt In: Polk County
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Originally Posted by Graysonhogs View Post
That “last resort” might have been avoided with some proactive tools for dealing with problems that could “possibly” arise. Counseling and “problems” are not mutually inclusive.


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This. It’s a good idea.
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Old 03-23-2018, 06:04 PM   #50
CaptainDave
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Join Date: Oct 2006
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We did as it's required in the Catholic church. Had to go to 4 classes, once per month for a few hours. Also had a sponsor couple that we had to meet with about a half dozen times. The sponsor couple had been married for a little over 20 years.

I was a bit skeptical at first, but it ended up being an overall positive experience. Like a few others mentioned, much of it is making sure both of you are on the same page regarding children, finances, in-laws, careers, etc. We learned many new things about one another and our families.

My opinion is it's worth doing and it sure as heck can't hurt. You get a large discount on the marriage license to boot. Sure, there are exceptions to every rule out there.

A very eye opening deal we heard our first day was on divorce rates.

- approximately 50% of marriages end in divorce
- That percentage drops by like 15% for marriages that are performed through a church
- The percentage drops like another 15% for couples that actively attend church

Statistics can be skewed to formulate just about any conclusion; however, it's a fact that marriages with Christ in the center have a much lower divorce rate than marriages that don't.
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