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Old 03-23-2018, 06:19 PM   #51
Farmdog
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What sucks is when your in desperate need and the counselor is woefully unqualified to help. I was there. If your a great storyteller and the counselor is amased by your commitment it doesnt mean anything if your partner has made up her mind. Its overated. My first marriage...brief. ( death)my second..15 to 18 years depending how you see things..my third is at 10. I still have had a good life
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Old 03-23-2018, 06:20 PM   #52
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Premarital? Oops my bad...wrong thread
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Old 03-23-2018, 06:27 PM   #53
R.W.T
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Originally Posted by CabezaBlanca View Post
I took your OP all wrong. Good for y'all for wanting to start off on the right path.
Same here
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Old 03-23-2018, 07:01 PM   #54
Razorback01
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Back in 1988, we discussed with several ministers/pastors, etc. Most wanted us to do some counseling, found one that said "either you can do the marriage with me and I can set you on the path, or you can do it at the JP, I'd rather be involved with it". Almost 30 years later- we are still together. Hasn't been easy, but it has been nice.
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Old 03-23-2018, 07:25 PM   #55
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Counselor talked about prayer and how he and his wife would sometimes stop and pray while having sex for being thankful for the opportunity. I told him we don't ever stop and pray, but she sure hollers his name a lot.
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Old 03-23-2018, 07:29 PM   #56
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My Wife and I did this. We had a great Pastor that asked great questions. Really made us think about our future. He also married us. Almost 22 years later and we are very happy together. I do irritate her now and then though.
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Old 03-23-2018, 10:05 PM   #57
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Understand that marriage is a LIFETIME commitment. Also it's not 50-50 but 100-100.
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Old 03-23-2018, 10:13 PM   #58
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This is 33 minutes of the best marriage advice I’ve ever heard. It will be well worth your time.

https://youtu.be/LQa9SJj1p5w
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Old 03-23-2018, 10:18 PM   #59
curtintex
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Premarital counseling is a great idea. HOWEVER.....there is something in wedding cake that makes them change a little bit once they get married. There is something in prenatal vitamins that makes them change some more once they have kids. There is something in hair dye that makes them change some more in middle age. So if you think that woman in PREmarital counseling will in any way resemble the woman you wake up to 20 years later....HA FREAKING HA HA HA.

Now, that being said, the key is to recognize those changes, love her unconditionally and don't say things like, "Your butt is like the county fair....bigger and better every year". Marriage is a tough job....like lion tamer crossed with chainsaw juggler tough. But worth it.....until she kills you with fire in your sleep.


Good luck.
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Old 03-23-2018, 10:49 PM   #60
HoustonHunter
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We had some really great pre marital counseling from our church prior to marriage. I think it was a weekend class with a long questionnaire. Then, our counselor focused on our weaknesses (where our answers didn’t match up). This included finances, number of kids, sex, who ran the household, etc. Lots of discovery.

As with any investment, it’s important to do your due diligence.
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Old 03-23-2018, 10:53 PM   #61
Outback
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~4 crazy and >8 hot and you should be good. Seriously, most ministers won't marry you without premarital counseling.
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Old 03-23-2018, 10:53 PM   #62
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Best premarital advice I did get was to know what kind of woman your marrying is to hang around her house, watch her mother, that's who your wife will be in 20 yrs.
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Old 03-23-2018, 10:55 PM   #63
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Originally Posted by tex4k View Post
Best premarital advice I did get was to know what kind of woman your marrying is to hang around her house, watch her mother, that's who your wife will be in 20 yrs.
Boy is that ever the truth. Holy moly
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Old 03-24-2018, 02:15 AM   #64
ThePumaLives
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We did it though our church, I believe it was eight group sessions that were held right after the service, and there was a couple of private sessions as well. Although we covered a few different topics, the key point of emphasis that I took away was communication. I can honestly say that it helped us communicate in a more constructive manner when things go downhill. We’ve been married for less than three years but have had our share of hard moments and have gotten through all of them by being able to communicate with each other.
I originally typed out a personal experience here, but I deleted it as I don’t want to steer this conversation away from counseling. That being said, not all the problems will surface right away or even be caused by you or your spouse; found this out the hard way when my father in law passed away.
Before we even had our first session, we had to take this quiz where we ranked certain priorities and there was what seemed like 100 questions on there. On the first day, we went over our results. 7 out of the 10 couples in there had answered every single question the exact same way, what are the odds! It was these same couples that claimed that they had never raised their voices at the other, and that they had never had a disagreement... we kept up with these couple via social media, two are now divorced and three others broke up before the wedding. I included this last paragraph because I feel that you only get out of counseling what you put into it. Be honest, even about your faults. If I had to do it all over again, I would opt for private sessions over group sessions.
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Old 03-24-2018, 07:35 AM   #65
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Originally Posted by Graysonhogs View Post
You don't need no stinking counselor. Marriage is easy. I've done it 3 times.

Seriously though, it couldn't hurt.
Got a good laugh thanks!
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Old 03-24-2018, 01:21 PM   #66
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A buddy of mine is a preacher.... he told me he was counseling a young couple and told them most couples argue and fight over two main things. Sex and money. There’s typically a shortage of one and not enough of the other Lol. In truth he’s right. Those are the two biggest things a couple will argue about. Until they have kids
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Old 03-24-2018, 01:39 PM   #67
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Quote:
Originally Posted by drbonner View Post
A buddy of mine is a preacher.... he told me he was counseling a young couple and told them most couples argue and fight over two main things. Sex and money. There’s typically a shortage of one and not enough of the other Lol. In truth he’s right. Those are the two biggest things a couple will argue about. Until they have kids


The other is number of kids when starting a family. Nothing like finding out the other does not want kids at all or wants 15 of them.
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Old 03-24-2018, 01:46 PM   #68
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Originally Posted by curtintex View Post
Now, that being said, the key is to recognize those changes, love her unconditionally and don't say things like, "Your butt is like the county fair....bigger and better every year". Marriage is a tough job....like lion tamer crossed with chainsaw juggler tough. But worth it.....until she kills you with fire in your sleep.
Words spoken from a poet. lol!

Curt you are one funny dude.
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Old 03-24-2018, 01:50 PM   #69
curtintex
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cardinal View Post
Words spoken from a poet. lol!



Curt you are one funny dude.


I was serious. They’re all a little crazy. Mine saw the Hot/Crazy matrix and asked if she was a unicorn. Yeah, babe. You are a unicorn.
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Old 03-24-2018, 01:54 PM   #70
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OP, we went through two different sets of premarital counseling...through the Baptist preacher that married us and the Catholic priest that validated/blessed us into the Catholic church as well. Both were very enlightening in different ways. I see nothing wrong with a non-religious counselor as well if you are going that route.

Like others have said, the work begins once the wedding is over. Tons of reading material out there as well. The "Love Dare" as simple as it is, is one I enjoy going back to. "Getting the Love You Want" was another that was an easy read and made a lot of sense.
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Old 03-24-2018, 01:56 PM   #71
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I was serious. They’re all a little crazy. Mine saw the Hot/Crazy matrix and asked if she was a unicorn. Yeah, babe. You are a unicorn.
Yes, they are. Mine can be the sweetest, most caring woman one moment and the next minute put the fear of God in me.
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Old 03-24-2018, 05:15 PM   #72
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CaptainDave View Post
- approximately 50% of marriages end in divorce
The internet says that's a myth. Here's one article.

https://www.nytimes.com/2014/12/02/u...-lives-on.html
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Old 03-24-2018, 06:06 PM   #73
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Waste of time and money. They don't have women figured out either.
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Old 03-24-2018, 06:34 PM   #74
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We had to take such classes to get married also. The thing is , the guy ( pastor) teaching the class had never been married. Really knew nothing about what it takes to be married. You can take all the classes you want and life is going to throw you s%%t you never thought of. It takes two to make it work, and at times it is downright work. Just hope the good times out shine the the bad, and you both contiune to love each other every day forward. Met my wife in 9th grade, have been together since, this year will be our 33rd anniversary.( I think, may 34th). Is it written stars, or is it written in the sand. Time will tell, be honest with other and I hope you two make it forever.
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Old 03-24-2018, 07:27 PM   #75
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Definitely worth going to for all the reasons listed above. Like some have said the term "counseling" carries a stigma sometimes. I almost look at it like a project kickoff meeting. Get the big ticket items out on the table up front so everyone is on the same page. As curtintex eloquently said, they change throughout the journey, but you still need a solid baseline. Might sound kind of goofy, but you might find a few things that you assumed about your bride might actually be different. It did for me; glad we went. Married 5 years with 2 kids.
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