I’m certainly no string making expert, but it looks like there is too much twist, which means yes, it is still too long.
Also, I don’t know if you are putting backtwist in before doing your second loop, but in the one pic, the string looks like 2 bundles wrapped around each other instead of one bundle with 2 different colors in it. It may just be an optical illusion in the pic??? Can’t tell?
It takes a little time to figure it out and get consistent strings. I’ve tried numerous times and still mess up half the time. That’s why I just have mine made. Good luck learning your new skill!!!!
All of what bisch said is spot on. I’ll add that they tag ends are too long they should be blending in a lot more than that. Use hemostats to secure the string while twisting your loops and then I use a bread tie to hold one end from untwisting while I do the other end. You want no slack when building your loops and your twist should be as tight as they can be. Any minor slop will cause some strands to have more pressure than other and will make a string that isn’t a top performer. Took me about 30 strings to get decent at it
Also your top loop is too big. You want a loop that’s big enough to not bind up but as small as possible. With practice you will figure out the number of twist it takes to get a proper size loop.
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