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Old 09-05-2017, 09:43 AM   #1
DapperDan
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Default My fiancé and her jokes....

So, this woman loves corny jokes. I mean really corny jokes! Which must be why she loves my Neanderthal ***. Lol. She will literally send me jokes through the day or text them. I'm not complaining by any means. Thought I'd share the latest one... lol



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Old 09-05-2017, 09:48 AM   #2
Johnny Dangerr
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Ha....
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Old 09-05-2017, 10:04 AM   #3
jbowman612
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Haha....
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Old 09-05-2017, 10:05 AM   #4
BLACKFINTURKEY
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That's pretty funny...
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Old 09-05-2017, 10:16 AM   #5
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i don't get it.
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Old 09-05-2017, 10:20 AM   #6
DapperDan
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i don't get it.


Man I hope that's sarcasm....


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Old 09-05-2017, 10:21 AM   #7
jshouse
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Man I hope that's sarcasm....


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so its a building, that turns into a robot? I don't get it.
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Old 09-05-2017, 10:21 AM   #8
DapperDan
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Default My fiancé and her jokes....



Here was her last joke she texted me....


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Old 09-05-2017, 10:41 AM   #9
muzzlebrake
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Originally Posted by DapperDan View Post


Here was her last joke she texted me....


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Might not have been a joke. Maybe a hint?
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Old 09-05-2017, 10:42 AM   #10
DapperDan
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Might not have been a joke. Maybe a hint?





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Old 09-05-2017, 10:54 AM   #11
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Here's one you can get her with, my oldest son told me yesterday. A Mexican magician was performing tricks. For his last trick he said I will disappear on the count of 3. He says uno......dos...... and poof, he disappeared without a tres!

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Old 09-05-2017, 11:01 AM   #12
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Quote:
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so its a building, that turns into a robot? I don't get it.
lol huh?!
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Old 09-05-2017, 11:17 AM   #13
DapperDan
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Originally Posted by Muskles View Post
Here's one you can get her with, my oldest son told me yesterday. A Mexican magician was performing tricks. For his last trick he said I will disappear on the count of 3. He says uno......dos...... and poof, he disappeared without a tres!

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man that had me laughing.


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Old 09-05-2017, 11:32 AM   #14
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Quote:
Quote:
Originally Posted by jshouse View Post
so its a building, that turns into a robot? I don't get it.
lol huh?!
From the movie, Big.

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Old 09-05-2017, 11:43 AM   #15
jshouse
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Quote:
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lol huh?!
I mean, who wants to play with a building? why not make it turn into a prehistoric bug or something?
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Old 09-05-2017, 11:44 AM   #16
jshouse
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tx_Wader View Post
From the movie, Big.

not sure why, but it came to my head.
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Old 09-05-2017, 11:45 AM   #17
Jaybo31
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tx_Wader View Post
From the movie, Big.

Yeah now I get it
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Old 09-05-2017, 01:26 PM   #18
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What did the a Mexican fireman name his twin son's ?

Hose A (Jose)
Hose B
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Old 09-05-2017, 01:30 PM   #19
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Nice!!!
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Old 09-05-2017, 01:33 PM   #20
MySRT8U
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A man walking down a road saw a beautiful young woman crying. She was standing on the edge of a bridge ready to jump. The man approached her and asked what was wrong. She said her life wasn't going how she thought it would, she had no job, and her husband had just left her so she was just going to end it all. The man said, "Well, since you are going to kill yourself anyway, how about you have sex with me first?" The woman was appalled by his comments and lack of sensitivity. She told him no and sent him away. As the man walked away he turned and said "Okay, I'll just wait for you at the bottom."
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Old 09-05-2017, 01:40 PM   #21
muzzlebrake
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pushbutton2 View Post
What did the a Mexican fireman name his twin son's ?

Hose A (Jose)
Hose B
I thought it was Juan and two
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Old 09-05-2017, 01:41 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by muzzlebrake View Post
I thought it was Juan and two
Never heard it that way.
I like this better
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Old 09-05-2017, 02:18 PM   #23
Double-O-Dave
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Quote:
Originally Posted by muzzlebrake View Post
I thought it was Juan and two
Yeah, and a guy shot at both of them with a golf gun. He missed the second son, but got the first one, thus creating a hole in Juan.

At least that's the way I heard it.


Regards,

Dave
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Old 09-05-2017, 03:52 PM   #24
BowOnly81
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MySRT8U View Post
A man walking down a road saw a beautiful young woman crying. She was standing on the edge of a bridge ready to jump. The man approached her and asked what was wrong. She said her life wasn't going how she thought it would, she had no job, and her husband had just left her so she was just going to end it all. The man said, "Well, since you are going to kill yourself anyway, how about you have sex with me first?" The woman was appalled by his comments and lack of sensitivity. She told him no and sent him away. As the man walked away he turned and said "Okay, I'll just wait for you at the bottom."
That had me rolling!!!!!!
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Old 09-10-2017, 02:36 PM   #25
muzzlebrake
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Three cowboys are sitting around the campfire out on the lonesome prairie, each with the bravado for which he is famous.

The guy from montana says:
"i must be the strongest, meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral. It had gored six men before i wrestled it to the ground by the horns with my bare hands and castrated that sucker with my teeth."

the guy from colarado couldn't stand to be bested:
"that's nothing. I was walking down the trail yesterday and a fifteen foot diamondback rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that ****** with my bare hands, bit it's head off and sucked the poison down in one gulp."

the cowboy from texas remained silent, slowly stirring the campfire coals with his p*cker.
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Old 09-10-2017, 03:29 PM   #26
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That's pretty good right there
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Old 09-11-2017, 09:55 PM   #27
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oh look, a squirrel
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Old 09-11-2017, 10:35 PM   #28
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My kid told me this one.



What do you call a witches nose when it's 12" long..................a foot!
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Old 09-11-2017, 10:42 PM   #29
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What do you call a Mexican riding a lawn mower?

A promotion

What do you call a Mexican with 8 arms?

Helll if I know, but I bet he can pick a butt load of vegetables
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Old 09-12-2017, 09:30 AM   #30
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The cotton eyed joe - that's great!! LOL!

Last edited by Dusty Britches; 09-12-2017 at 09:36 AM.
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Old 09-12-2017, 09:49 AM   #31
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DapperDan View Post
man that had me laughing.


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Lol! I did too!

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Old 09-12-2017, 10:25 AM   #32
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years ago my brother and I made a wager on a football game, the stakes were the rights for the winner to pick names for the other's kids (alcohol may have been involved). fortunately, I won.

a few months ago he called to announce him and his wife were expecting, and he would be a man of his word, but to please be thoughtful of the kids .... twins (one boy and one girl).

it took much thought and deliberation, but i finally came to a decision. then just yesterday we got the call and welcomed to the world Denise & Denephew
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Old 09-12-2017, 10:56 AM   #33
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This is epic
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Old 09-15-2017, 01:49 AM   #34
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New one up!


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Old 09-15-2017, 07:13 AM   #35
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Quote:
Originally Posted by boomerball View Post
years ago my brother and i made a wager on a football game, the stakes were the rights for the winner to pick names for the other's kids (alcohol may have been involved). Fortunately, i won.

A few months ago he called to announce him and his wife were expecting, and he would be a man of his word, but to please be thoughtful of the kids .... Twins (one boy and one girl).

It took much thought and deliberation, but i finally came to a decision. Then just yesterday we got the call and welcomed to the world denise & denephew
lolololol
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Old 10-06-2017, 11:13 PM   #36
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She’s up graded to videos....
https://youtu.be/NLkDLy2TYxQ


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Old 10-06-2017, 11:36 PM   #37
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DapperDan View Post
She’s up graded to videos....
https://youtu.be/NLkDLy2TYxQ


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That is hilarious!
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Old 10-06-2017, 11:41 PM   #38
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PapaBear View Post
That is hilarious!


I know!


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Old 10-06-2017, 11:49 PM   #39
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She’s a keeper in my book
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Old 10-07-2017, 12:03 AM   #40
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Originally Posted by NBK75 View Post
She’s a keeper in my book


Thanks! I happen to agree


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Old 10-07-2017, 11:04 PM   #41
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Joke of the day...
Fiancé is on her phone and says “OMG! So this guy was in a horrible accident at a saw mill. He got his entire left side sawed completely off!”

Me: wholly crap that’s terrible.

Her: he’s all right now.....*


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Old 10-07-2017, 11:16 PM   #42
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I love this thread
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Old 10-07-2017, 11:37 PM   #43
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I love this thread
I do too!
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Old 10-08-2017, 12:21 AM   #44
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Old 10-08-2017, 01:01 AM   #45
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Originally Posted by kmon View Post
Yum I love hummingbird pies
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Old 10-08-2017, 04:12 AM   #46
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Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?

Because he was outstanding in his field .
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Old 10-08-2017, 04:48 AM   #47
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The class assignment was to write a short story using as few words as possible

the story had to contain religion, sex, and mystery

their was only one A+ in the class....

OMG! I'm pregnant, wonder who did it.
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Old 10-08-2017, 04:56 AM   #48
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A small bucket went to see the doctor.
The doctor's prognosis: "You need some water, you're a little pail".
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Old 10-08-2017, 05:54 AM   #49
Txbownut
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Ok, I'll play.

I keep having these dreams.... one night I'm a teepee, the next night I'm a wigwam.
My doctor says it's because I'm two tents.
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Old 10-08-2017, 08:05 AM   #50
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She'll love this one- how do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on him.
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