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Old 05-03-2009, 02:03 AM   #1
trjones87
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Default Men, i need help please

Why do guys have to be so dumb sometimes? What is it in our blood that makes us idiots when it comes to women??? Im hear lookin for advice. Women have got to be the most complicated thing ever and i dont understand. This is for you married men, what do you do? how do you think? what advice do you have for a young man dating the woman he wants to marry?
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Old 05-03-2009, 02:10 AM   #2
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Run like heck!!! I'm in the same boat as you though, only I can't run, she'd hunt me down and break both my legs.
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Old 05-03-2009, 02:10 AM   #3
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Default I got nothin'...........

Working on my 3rd & FINAL marriage here!!! Seriously, find a good Christian woman & be a good Christian HUSBAND. The rest will all take care of itself.
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Old 05-03-2009, 02:10 AM   #4
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Trust me youll know it when she is the one. IMO
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Old 05-03-2009, 02:21 AM   #5
trjones87
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I know shes the one, im just great at not being a great guy to her
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Old 05-03-2009, 02:25 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trjones87 View Post
I know shes the one, im just great at not being a great guy to her
How old are you?

You need to figure out how to be a good man to her or just run away and forget about marriage until you grow up a little.

(Thats NOT a slam, its the truth. YOU have to be grown up enough to realize that you must honor your vows)
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Old 05-03-2009, 02:26 AM   #7
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ill be 22 in two months, not graduating for another year, weve been dating for over a year
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Old 05-03-2009, 02:27 AM   #8
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its not like im cheating on her or anythign like that. its the little stuff, i just can seem to get everything right all of the time
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Old 05-03-2009, 02:30 AM   #9
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You will NEVER get everything right!
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Old 05-03-2009, 02:31 AM   #10
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i know....it just seems like im always slipping up
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Old 05-03-2009, 02:33 AM   #11
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Man... 22 in college. WOW, I know I wasnt ready to get married then. There was a lot of stupid things I need to do before I was ready to settle down.

You need to look at your self and decide what you want to do. Be honest with yourself, is getting married now going to cause you to resent her in 10 years because instead of partying and running with the boys you were home with her?
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Old 05-03-2009, 02:34 AM   #12
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its hard to grow up and be a man, i know it aint easy. but i do know this is the one i want to spend the rest of my life with and im willing to do what it takes, its just so easy to mess up
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Old 05-03-2009, 02:54 AM   #13
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when I got married, I was standing at the front of the church in front of over 200 people. My best man had his truck backed up to the side door of the parish hall.
If I would have given him the high sign; all the groomsmen would have ran out the back of the church, loaded up two of the kegs and we were going to mexico!

But, even though I had a plan, I knew I wouldnt need it.


dude its OK to question yourself. Just make sure you are honest with your answers. Losing "the one" and hurting feelings is way better than a divorce 2 years later.

dont worry about all the little things you think you do wrong....pretty soon you will find out that there are lots of things you thought you were doing right that are wrong!
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Old 05-03-2009, 03:08 AM   #14
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First off you are very young, even though it might not seem like it to you now. You have lots of time, so don't rush it.

The most important thing in any relationship, and this goes for work, friendships, family, as well as romantic interests...is communication. You have got to be able to express yourself, but even more importantly you have to able to listen.

Most of the time, if you are trying to do the right thing, and you take a minute to think about things before you do them....you will be okay. Nobody is perfect, take care of the big things and the little things will take care of themselves.
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Old 05-03-2009, 03:09 AM   #15
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Are you committed to her, engaged, etc.? I am 43 and went to college for 11 years. School is important, if she understands that, great. Also, I did not really settle down until I finished school. I was 30. You do not have to be that old yourself. You will know it in your heart.

Is your bow the last bow you ever want to shoot in your life since it, your woman, will be the last string you get to fondle?

Is she a christian, and yourself, since you need to get right with God in your relationship or things won't work out right? Does she mind that you hunt and does she hunt?

Face it man we are simple creatures and women are way complicated, you will never make them totally happy, Relationships(marriage) are like making mashed potatoes, you put them together and mash them to a pulp till you can not tell one from the other. You will die to yourself. Sacrifices will be made, do she want kids and do you? Can you support them? Do you get along with her family? What kind of work does she do? Will either require travel, etc?

There are too many things here to list. I have been married for 13 years. I love my wife and have 4 kids. I tell you it still takes work everyday. It is the hardest job you will ever do and hate to love and love to hate. It is rewarding though when the Lord sends the right woman your way. If you trust in him in all your ways and hear his still small voice, he will tell you what to do. A few minor thoughts and words from an old bull sittin on the side of a hill chewin his cud.
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Old 05-03-2009, 03:10 AM   #16
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I thought I was dating the perfect one for about 5 years.....as it turns out, if we would have gotten married when we had kind of planned on it, instead of letting her finish school, we would have been divorced in less than a year. As it turned out, she had a problem with being faithful, so I crawled off in a bottle for a while, yet somehow had a really great time. lol, I actually got back with her for a short period, only to cheat on her like crazy (still kept it to myself b/c I wanted her to be the one to always feel like an ***). And the girl who got to see me go through all that mess and preached to me and told me on a pretty regular basis that I was an *** b/c of what I was doing during "round 2" is the one that I am tying the knot with. It is really funny how things turn out. We work well together and mess up about equally on the little things, it's the harrassing and joking about it afterwards instead of the fighting and arguing that helps things out.......and the fact I should never be without a place to hunt.
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Old 05-03-2009, 03:11 AM   #17
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1. you'll never do everything right. just as in life so in a marriage mistakes will be made..it;s the learning from them that counts in the end.

2.they understand us way better than we do them. pondering over it will just give you a migraine.

3. she may not always be right but she'll never be wrong. accept it.

4. find a middle ground and go from there.. compromise is key on both sides

5. always treat her with love and kindness and be aware words are like bullets once let fly they cant be taken back in the end.
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Old 05-03-2009, 03:53 AM   #18
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^^^^ ALL wise words of wisdom to live by from everyone posted above. I'm on round 3 myself and have been through some very tuff times. If you take one thing from any of these "mentors" PLEASE take the communication part seriously as it will save your arse many times over but it has to be HONEST communication not bs.
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Old 05-03-2009, 03:59 AM   #19
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She might be the right one for you, but are you the right one for her? Some of these guys have mentioned your age, grow up and other things.. I'm 45 yrs old, I've been married to the same wonderful woman for 25 yrs. and we have three great kids. She is my best friend and I am her best friend. Both of you have to be right for each other for things to work right. I have heard my entire life that you have to give 100% in a marriage......marriage has to be a 50/50 deal. you give 50%..you get 50%...if you are giving 100% of the time it means that you are not getting anything in return. If she is right for you the little things that she does not get right will not bother you. If you are right for her the little things that you do not get right will not bother her, One of the keys is to ALWAYS HONOR HER and RESPECT HER. Good luck guy growing up is hard, but when you get my age or older you'll know it was worth all of it!!!
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Old 05-03-2009, 06:43 AM   #20
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I know that there are alot of folks on here who got married young. I personally don't think any man should get married until he is at least 28. Nowdays it seems like it is taking longer for folks to truly grow up and "find themselves" (ie, become who they really are). For the women I think that number is AT LEAST 25. So my advice to you is to wait. If it is right then she will understand.

I have a question for you. On the things that you are continually screwing up on, is it something that you really know deep inside that you shouldn't be doing when you are doing it? If so it sounds like you have an issue with selfishness. You love yourself and your wants and needs more than you love her and her wants and needs.

One thing I know for sure is that if I love my wife and do everything in my power to fulfill her wants and more importantly her needs then she will willing do the same for me.
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Old 05-03-2009, 06:51 AM   #21
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Ah......advice. Let me give you my advice. Be a man. Don't be a push over. Stand your ground if you are right. Being nice just to please her will get you no where in the long run. She'll lose respect for you. God has placed you as the head of your household. This does not mean that you should abuse your position. Rather, realize that God has given YOU the responsibility to protect, provide, and most importantly LEAD your family. Take the reigns as that man and ask God to guide you and give you wisdom. Be ready to make mistakes, to admit to them, and to learn from them and move on. And as Winston Churchill said at a college graduation, "NEVER GIVE UP. NEVER GIVE UP. NEVER GIVE UP."
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Old 05-03-2009, 07:06 AM   #22
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Put her needs above your needs. Listen to her with open ears. Do not try to fix anything unless she asks for it to be fixed. Approach your relationship with her from a biblical perspective. Join a young couples group at your church. Pray. Good luck!

Todd
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Old 05-03-2009, 07:51 AM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lance View Post
Are you committed to her, engaged, etc.? I am 43 and went to college for 11 years. School is important, if she understands that, great. Also, I did not really settle down until I finished school. I was 30. You do not have to be that old yourself. You will know it in your heart.

Is your bow the last bow you ever want to shoot in your life since it, your woman, will be the last string you get to fondle?

Is she a christian, and yourself, since you need to get right with God in your relationship or things won't work out right? Does she mind that you hunt and does she hunt?

Face it man we are simple creatures and women are way complicated, you will never make them totally happy, Relationships(marriage) are like making mashed potatoes, you put them together and mash them to a pulp till you can not tell one from the other. You will die to yourself. Sacrifices will be made, do she want kids and do you? Can you support them? Do you get along with her family? What kind of work does she do? Will either require travel, etc?

There are too many things here to list. I have been married for 13 years. I love my wife and have 4 kids. I tell you it still takes work everyday. It is the hardest job you will ever do and hate to love and love to hate. It is rewarding though when the Lord sends the right woman your way. If you trust in him in all your ways and hear his still small voice, he will tell you what to do. A few minor thoughts and words from an old bull sittin on the side of a hill chewin his cud.
both christians
she loves that i hunt
we want kids, but no immediately
i already have a great job at a fortune 500 company lined up
she wants to go into CPS
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Old 05-03-2009, 07:53 AM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RdRdrFan View Post
I know that there are alot of folks on here who got married young. I personally don't think any man should get married until he is at least 28. Nowdays it seems like it is taking longer for folks to truly grow up and "find themselves" (ie, become who they really are). For the women I think that number is AT LEAST 25. So my advice to you is to wait. If it is right then she will understand.

I have a question for you. On the things that you are continually screwing up on, is it something that you really know deep inside that you shouldn't be doing when you are doing it? If so it sounds like you have an issue with selfishness. You love yourself and your wants and needs more than you love her and her wants and needs.

One thing I know for sure is that if I love my wife and do everything in my power to fulfill her wants and more importantly her needs then she will willing do the same for me.
usually it is my selfishness, not in huge ways but in small ways. this stuff is alot harder than i coulda ever imagined
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Old 05-03-2009, 08:05 AM   #25
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You are answering your own question. When she becomes more important to you than you are you will be close. Set up a meeting with your Pastor and begin the journey.
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Old 05-03-2009, 08:05 AM   #26
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Communicate with honesty - always
Marriage is a covenant - no matter what she does, you should always love her
Be the head of the household, but don't abuse it or be-little her
Make sure she's a best friend and that you can always smile, laugh and joke
I'm 32, been married to my high school sweetheart since I was 22, have 2 kids one on the way and we still have a great time everyday
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Old 05-03-2009, 08:28 AM   #27
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Tyler, Tyler, Tyler....

I know what you're going through, I met my wife when I was 21 and was married by the time I was 22. Dying to your own flesh can be the most difficult thing in world. We are all selfish, but being married will change that (especially when you have kids!). Since you're both Christians, she doesn't care if you go hunting, you both want kids and you already have a job lined, sounds like you're at a point where you're ready to make that leap. Just remember marriage is like anything else, if you want it to be good, you have to work at it. I believe there is a simple test that can answer the question of whether your marriage will work or not. Find a day when you've been sitting around not doing much and your girlfriend has had a busy day and is ready to kick her feet up and relax. Now wait for her to sit down on the couch beside you and put her feet up. Just as she gets comfortable, look over at her and say, "Sweetie, do you mind making me a sandwich?" This simple test will give you all the answers you need But seriously, just remember these four things: 1) Always fight fair! Don't bring up past fights that have been resolved and don't attack her family or tell her she's just like her mom (I learned that one the hard way), Also don't use swear words during a fight, 2) Never go to bed mad! You don't always have to resolve every fight immediately, but just make up before you go to bed, I don't have to tell you how good making up can be 3) Don't have separate bank accounts! What's yours is hers and what's hers is yours. There's nothing wrong with each of you having a little walking around money, but in the end finances are the biggest thing couples fight about (that and kids ) 4) This is the most important of all. DO NOT go into your marriage thinking divorce is an option! You both need to agree that there is nothing you can't work through. Once you threaten divorce it's a very slippery slope, so just don't do it.

Anyways, don't let anyone tell you you're too young. I only knew my wife for 6 months before I married her and we're coming up on 10 years this June. We have 3 kids and I still love her as much as the day we got married. Everyone meets their soulmate at different times in their lives and either your ready or your not, age shouldn't matter. You're the only one who can decide whether you're ready or not. Good luck and God bless.
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Old 05-03-2009, 08:38 AM   #28
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Stop blaming yourself and blame HER. She needs to love you for who you are and not who she wants you to be.

ohhhhh!.......and what Steve said!!

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Old 05-03-2009, 08:47 AM   #29
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Not married(yet) but whatever you do................ always tell the truth and be honest to yourself and her.
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Old 05-03-2009, 08:52 AM   #30
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My advise is to make sure that you both are Christians or it will never work. You will be a stat. Now I am not saying that because you follow the Lord that there are any guarantees, but it will be alot easier!!

Second, I would recommend one book that does work. "Men are from Mars,Women are from Venus". Simple and Honest.
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Old 05-03-2009, 09:00 AM   #31
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first and only marriage started at 26 a little older than most,, 23 years later it still works and is good.. the advice about church and all is the best you will ever get... get in and stay in even if you have to change churchs a few times it will help.... something I learned a long time ago

many people say that a marriage is 50-50 its not and can not be.. the bible says the man is head of the house you must be for it to work.. doesnt mean making every decision though.. it means giving in many times just because she wants it... the best marriage arraignment is 51-49.. trust her decisions and dont get bent out of shape when something goes wrong,, all of yours wont be right either.... when she wrecks the car ask if shes allright and say ouch that musta hurt and let it go, getting mad wont make it go away or any easier to pay the repair bill.. do your part to raise your kids including keeping them when their babies and she needs to go to the store or get away a few hours with her friends....

when I got married I told my wife there were a few things that were not nor would ever be debatable... primarily what I wanted or need for work, ( as police officer) If i needed a new duty weapon a new vest, shoes or anything I could or would use for work and not to ever say anything about it ... she accepted it and I didn't abuse it...

the most important thing of all... when you give her your word to do something keep it!!!!!!!!!!!!! then you have the right to expect the same from her...good luck and God bless you like he has me!!

only three arguments in 23 years.... i'm ahead of the curve!!!

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Old 05-03-2009, 09:03 AM   #32
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Originally Posted by Tejas Wildlife View Post
Working on my 3rd & FINAL marriage here!!! Seriously, find a good Christian woman & be a good Christian HUSBAND. The rest will all take care of itself.
X2 You hit it right on the head there!!
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Old 05-03-2009, 09:12 AM   #33
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[QUOTE=TEAM SHARK;1463353]My advise is to make sure that you both are Christians or it will never work. QUOTE]

I could not disagree more........
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Old 05-03-2009, 09:17 AM   #34
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I really do not know what to tell you but, here is what I think. Marriage is what the two of you make of it. I have been married for almost 15 years. I knew my wife in high school and really never dated. I moved off for a few years and one night I was back in her town and BAM, about a month later she was pregnant. It has not always been good for us but it has not all been bad either. two years ago after many years of fights and not knowing if that is what I really wanted We found out she was Bi-polar and going through things that I wish no one else has to go through. She has gotten her Meds right and I will say our marriage is better than it has ever been. Hell she evens like to go fishing with me and is now wanting to go hunting with me this year. It would have been easy to walk away at time but I hung in there. I was the party type and liked lots and lots and lots of girls at the time and I had to grow up fast. I have never once regreated what had happened. She had a little girl when we got together and then we had two boys.
My advise would be, YOU and only YOU know what has to be done. You know what she is needing and You know what you have to do to make things work. I hope the best for both of you. Sorry for the rambling on.
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Old 05-03-2009, 09:33 AM   #35
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I was 21, my wife was 19. Very non-traditional wedding. Everyone said it wouldn't work as we were too young, not Christian enough, not enough money, too immature, didn't date long enough, yada yada yada...
Now we've had our problems too, but communicate and love her. Make her feel like she's the best thing since sliced bread. I'm always telling my wife she's my queen, my princess and the love of my life. Even when she tries to back the truck in the driveway and can't hit concrete...
I tell my wife a part of a Led Zeppelin song all the time. "If the mountains should crumble to the sea, there would still be you and me". Until you can say that and mean it every day, you ain't ready!!
Oh yeah, we've been married almost 32 years, 3 children and 1 grandkid on the way. I guess some of family and friends were wrong...
As far as being selfish, I buy hunting/archery/gun stuff all the time. Yesterday we ordered a garden window for the kitchen and it cost $750. She wanted it and all I could think of was me spending the same amount on my SB XT. Now I have to install that bad boy, but it'll be worth it. She smiled big time!!
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Old 05-03-2009, 09:36 AM   #36
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Give her of 1/2 everything you have now .
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Old 05-03-2009, 09:40 AM   #37
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Not much I can add that the others havnt said, but good luck!
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Old 05-03-2009, 09:48 AM   #38
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Let me start by stating i have been married for 17 yrs to the same woman. Certianly we have had ups and downs but overall it has been wonderful, i can only contribute it to the fact that my heavenly father is my mentor and he guides me and directs me (when i listen). His word is chalked full of direction,wisdom,and advice you just have to apply it. Just recently a movie was released and was very inspirational(fireproof). I would say that would be a good starting place, then find a good spirit filled church that might offer the fireproofing class and the love dare book. Be patient! A good quote to remember is (love conquers all). God bless and good luck!
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Old 05-03-2009, 10:09 AM   #39
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Four phrases that will take you far in married life:

1. Yes ma'am
2. No ma'am
3. No, that dress does not make your butt look fat
4. Of course I love your cat



Trailboss
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Old 05-03-2009, 10:13 AM   #40
KUJays
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Married for 8 years in August and have learned a few things. Most importantly, just swallow your pride and agree regardless how ludicrous what she is saying may sound.
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Old 05-03-2009, 10:17 AM   #41
Bweger
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I got married at the age of 20. Not because I had to but because I wanted to. Like others have said we have had our rough spots but we are still married and we have 3 wonderful daughters and one amazing grand daughter. We have been married for 25 years and it looks like we will be married til one of us croaks. My best advise is do what you feel is right. If you both want to be married then do it. When you do hit the rough spots talk everything out. Dont keep anything bottled up inside that will just make things worse.
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Old 05-03-2009, 10:20 AM   #42
Loneaggie
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Rather than write two pages of advice I am simply going to refer you to a book I think EVERY man should read. The title is "Understanding the Mind of a Woman." After you read it you will want to burn it, throw it off a cliff, etc. The reason you won't be happy after the first read is that you will 1) know he is right 2) be mad that he is right and 3) not want to make the changes he suggests. It pretty much flies in the face of so much of our modern society thought patterns about being a husband. The book is from a Christian perspective and very very very good. Overall it centers around service and thoughtfulness. Not to steal thunder, but a lot of times what makes women happy and comfortable is knowing that the man in their life cares for them and by that I mean wants to take care of them, and enjoys it.

One of the examples from the book that really stuck with me was about errands. Let's say its Saturday and you're adding some accessory to your truck. As always you realize you're missing some vital tool or part and are going to have to run to the store to get it. There are two options "I'm headed to Autozone, be back in a few."... that's how we naturally think. However, the following sentence means so much more to the person you are delivering it too. "Babe, I have to run to Autozone for a part, do you need me to grab you anything while I'm out?" Was that really that painful? Is dropping by the grocery store for 10 minutes to get milk or whatever really going to hurt you? No, but we aren't conditioned that way these days. Its the small things like that, that build a relationship of caring, love, and respect. Get the book. Read the book. Re-read the book, Re-read the book again
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Old 05-03-2009, 10:24 AM   #43
HandiKap Bowhunter
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Man age doesn't matter but wait till you are finished with school before you start any wedding plans. I was dating my wife in college and we got engaged after we were both done. I don't know if we could handle the stress of school and the stress of planning the wedding. We have been married going on 8 years in about 2 weeks and have been together for over 10 years. Good luck with your decision and just know there are ups and downs and you can never do everything right. I still get in trouble for lil things that just don't cross my mind all the time. Load unload the dishwasher, fold the clothes in the dryer, etc.
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Old 05-03-2009, 10:29 AM   #44
rocky
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trjones87 View Post
Why do guys have to be so dumb sometimes? What is it in our blood that makes us idiots when it comes to women??? Im hear lookin for advice. Women have got to be the most complicated thing ever and i dont understand. This is for you married men, what do you do? how do you think? what advice do you have for a young man dating the woman he wants to marry?
This is not advice, just suggestions.
1- You must be convinced that she loves you and wants to be married to you.
2- above applies to you also.
3- If #1 and #2 are met, there is no sense in not waiting for both of you to mature.
4- When you do marry, move as far as you can from both sets of parents, to avoid negative influence.
5- try to wait 5 years to have kids, so that you can enjoy each other and build a stronger bond.
6 Any doubts now will come to pass later.
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Old 05-03-2009, 10:35 AM   #45
Mike D
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Los of good advice here. One thing that opened my eyes recently is the movie Fireproof. I highly recommend that you watch it. Maybe without her at first, then together.

There's 4 things that cause the most fights in a marriage, so you have to make sure that you agree on these things.
  1. MONEY (#1 cause of divorce in North America is money fights)
  2. Religion
  3. Kids
  4. In-Laws
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Old 05-03-2009, 10:47 AM   #46
bowhuntertex
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Open and Honest is the key to a strong relationship. I have been with my wife for 3 years now and we have yet to argue. I found that things work better when you sit down and work out the things you don't agree on instead of letting them fester........
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Old 05-03-2009, 10:48 AM   #47
scubasteven25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kfd82 View Post
You need to figure out how to be a good man to her or just run away and forget about marriage until you grow up a little.
X2. Figure it out before either of you get hurt.
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Old 05-03-2009, 11:06 AM   #48
junkmanhunter
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There has been alot of good advice given by different people on here.

My thoughts are every relationship and couple are different, what works for others might not work for you all. I do know one thing for certain. Get right with the LORD, talk to a pastor then go from there.

I have been married 25 years this Feb.

Something I used to tell my boys was if you can't come to the dinner table and tell me and your mom what you did during the week, you probably shouldn't have done it.

I try to keep that in mind with my actions. Slow down and communicate with this young lady. If you all are right for each other it will work out. Life and relationships are marathons not sprints!!

Be honest with her even when it is not popular or no matter how much it hurts you.

Communicate with each other, it's the only way to know what is happening in the relationship.

Did I say be HONEST!!

All the long time married guys will tell you the same thing, it ain't easy but it is sure worth it....

GOOD LUCK !!!!!!!!
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Old 05-03-2009, 11:10 AM   #49
samsdad
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Best advice. Don't ask for advice on women on a bowhunting board
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Old 05-03-2009, 11:14 AM   #50
arrowsmack324
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trjones87 View Post
I know shes the one, im just great at not being a great guy to her
Does she know you're the one? Don't be presumptuous you may end up getting a drinking problem. Don't what else to say aside from GOOD LUCK!!! If you screw it up thats on you bud.
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