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Old 03-02-2018, 09:08 AM   #1
DTH
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I need some help from you all. My mother is suffering from alcoholism and her health has taken a turn for the worse. My siblings and I are going to have an intervention with her this weekend and it's either going to be our terms or she's getting cut off from the grandkids. We are looking into treatment options/psychologists/counseling, all the above. All I'm asking is for prayers. Prayers that she will listen with an open heart. Prayers that she will let Jesus come in and take over. Prayers that we can have clarity and get our information across. Just keep my family in your prayers if possible. If anyone has some words of advice as to what worked for yall and what didn't I'll gladly accept them.

Thanks yall.
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Old 03-02-2018, 09:11 AM   #2
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Prayers up brother. Had an uncle who struggled with it and it didn't end well for him. It was hard on the family watching him decline and later commit suicide by drinking him self to death. Keep doing what you can to help and hope she makes a decision to take care of herself.
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Old 03-02-2018, 09:15 AM   #3
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Prayers up.
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Old 03-02-2018, 09:16 AM   #4
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Prayers for you, mom and family. God is amazing and loves to show off in situations like this.
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Old 03-02-2018, 09:18 AM   #5
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Been through this with my daughter, 14 years sober now.
Prayers for you and your family.
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Old 03-02-2018, 09:18 AM   #6
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Prayers sent for you and the rest of your Family for a successful intervention.
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Old 03-02-2018, 09:19 AM   #7
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She is going to have to want to. No amount of intervention will help if she is not willing to help herself and want to quit. Fortunately you can show her what is at stake and how much she stands to lose, besides just her life, and hopefully sway her to wanting to quit. She needs to see what she stands to lose as well as what she stands to gain like health, money, family, friends, work, quality of life, etc. Let her know how deeply she is loved and it is this love that is making you all want to help her. Above all else be in constant prayer for her. Y'all will be in my prayers.
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Old 03-02-2018, 09:29 AM   #8
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Prayers up!
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Old 03-02-2018, 09:35 AM   #9
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Prayers up!
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Old 03-02-2018, 09:39 AM   #10
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Prayers up for you brother. Lord guide this family with your helping hand and rid the alcoholism from his mother. In Jesus name we pray, AMEN.
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Old 03-02-2018, 09:41 AM   #11
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Prayers sent. Difficult situation for sure. Been thru it, on the alcoholic end. I hope she chooses help. At one point I could not imagine my life not drinking. I thank God daily I woke up.
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Old 03-02-2018, 09:42 AM   #12
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Prayers sent, me and my brother have been fighting this battle with my dad my whole life with no luck.
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Old 03-02-2018, 09:46 AM   #13
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prayers for you
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Old 03-02-2018, 09:52 AM   #14
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You need to help her not threaten her. Taking her grandkids away??? Wouldnít that make her drink more. Tough love and alcohol are not the answer. Love your mother and get her the help she needs. Donít punish her. Just my thought.
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Old 03-02-2018, 09:54 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Neck View Post
She is going to have to want to. No amount of intervention will help if she is not willing to help herself and want to quit. Fortunately you can show her what is at stake and how much she stands to lose, besides just her life, and hopefully sway her to wanting to quit. She needs to see what she stands to lose as well as what she stands to gain like health, money, family, friends, work, quality of life, etc. Let her know how deeply she is loved and it is this love that is making you all want to help her. Above all else be in constant prayer for her. Y'all will be in my prayers.
She has tried to quit a half dozen times but to no avail. But you are spot on with all of this. Thanks again.
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Old 03-02-2018, 09:55 AM   #16
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Good luck, but I donít agree with taking away the grandkid part.

Watched my brother do that silly crap cause our parents didnít agree with some of the thing him and his life chose for them.

There was no winner in the end.


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Old 03-02-2018, 09:56 AM   #17
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Originally Posted by buzzbait View Post
You need to help her not threaten her. Taking her grandkids away??? Wouldnít that make her drink more. Tough love and alcohol are not the answer. Love your mother and get her the help she needs. Donít punish her. Just my thought.
We've just tried what seems like everything. This is the one thing that she loves most in life right now. I might be wrong but I just think she will have a wake up call if she knows they aren't going to be in the picture. Like I said, it might be the wrong thing to do but that's why I'm asking for thoughts and prayers.
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Old 03-02-2018, 09:59 AM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mayhem View Post
Good luck, but I donít agree with taking away the grandkid part.

Watched my brother do that silly crap cause our parents didnít agree with some of the thing him and his life chose for them.

There was no winner in the end.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I am at a loss. I just know I don't want my kids around someone who is not in a good state. If she's open to getting help and is actively trying they will be in the picture. I'm only going to pull that card if she refuses help.
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Old 03-02-2018, 10:06 AM   #19
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Well good luck, but I donít believe kids should be used as a bargaining chip.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Old 03-02-2018, 10:10 AM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DTH View Post
She has tried to quit a half dozen times but to no avail. But you are spot on with all of this. Thanks again.
Prayers up for you and the family.


So what has been the reason she has not been able to stop?

What is her trigger that makes her want the first drink?

Does anyone else in the family drink?

What type of health issues?
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Old 03-02-2018, 10:17 AM   #21
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They have to hit rock bottom. If you feel like she is not a good influence in your kids life, then you MUST shield them from her. It just might be the rock bottom she needs.

Showing kids that there are consequences to behavior is an opportunity to teach your kids.

This is a very sensitive area and it is just my .02.
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Old 03-02-2018, 10:20 AM   #22
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Prayers
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Old 03-02-2018, 10:22 AM   #23
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Prayers Up!!!!
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Old 03-02-2018, 10:25 AM   #24
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Prayers for DTH MOM
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Old 03-02-2018, 10:35 AM   #25
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I think not letting her see the grandkids would make her want to drink more The whole family needs to remove alcohol from their homes since there is a tendency of alcoholism in your genes.
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Old 03-02-2018, 10:37 AM   #26
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Neck View Post
She is going to have to want to. No amount of intervention will help if she is not willing to help herself and want to quit. Fortunately you can show her what is at stake and how much she stands to lose, besides just her life, and hopefully sway her to wanting to quit. She needs to see what she stands to lose as well as what she stands to gain like health, money, family, friends, work, quality of life, etc. Let her know how deeply she is loved and it is this love that is making you all want to help her. Above all else be in constant prayer for her. Y'all will be in my prayers.
This. It took a life-changing event to get the person in my family to get help. I hope that it doesn't come to that for you. Prayers for all of you.
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Old 03-02-2018, 10:41 AM   #27
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Prayers for your family. I agree about not using the grandkids as leverage, or a bargaining chip. BUT, I also agree that if she's not going to change, you have to remove them from her situation and influence. If this step becomes necessary, just do it and don't even say anything about it to her. JMHO
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Old 03-02-2018, 10:42 AM   #28
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Quote:
Originally Posted by justintyme8303 View Post
Prayers up for you and the family.


So what has been the reason she has not been able to stop?

What is her trigger that makes her want the first drink?

Does anyone else in the family drink?

What type of health issues?
She's lives at home by herself. Empty nester. My siblings do but not really around her and to not that extent. And its about 3-4 health/alcohol related issues.
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Old 03-02-2018, 10:53 AM   #29
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Quote:
Originally Posted by justintyme8303 View Post
Prayers up for you and the family.


So what has been the reason she has not been able to stop?

What is her trigger that makes her want the first drink?

Does anyone else in the family drink?

What type of health issues?
This is just MY experience with it.

1. It becomes so ingrained in your life that it seriously seems impossible.

2. After a point there is no "trigger". Waking up is a trigger. Trust me. You have to find a
root to "why" you drink . Alcohol is a symptom of a problem I think the word "trigger" is
a cop out.
you feel the need to stay f'd up. It alienates you, which makes you feel sad and lonely, ]
which makes you drink more, oddly enough. After years of being numb, being sober and
alone with your thoughts and problems is very scary.

3. The only person who drank like me was my brother. He stopped too. Everybody's bottom
is different.

I'll pray for y'all, it's a tough road, but very much worth it in the long run. Just be there the best that you can.
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Old 03-02-2018, 10:55 AM   #30
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I pray that this will let her see the bottom, it took allot for me to hit mine but it was when i realized i may not see my kids for several years before i seen the bottom. 12 years now and it's been some of the best years of my life. There is a place called the hope house in LaPorte that helps women that don't have the means for rehab and i think it's better because you can see the worst off the worst there and watch them basically be reborn. It's a spiritual program where you learn how to rely inn God, you can only get so far with will power but with God power you can beat anything
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Old 03-02-2018, 10:59 AM   #31
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Prayers sent that your mom will see what is at stake, not only in her life but in her kids and grandkids' lives through her example and influence. I pray that she will be open to turning her life over to the Lord and leaning on Him every day rather than the bottle. He is the answer.
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Old 03-02-2018, 11:00 AM   #32
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Pray for wisdom and the right words and approach to take place. For steady minds to prevail and for your mom's heart to be softened toward the love from which your requests are coming.

I have walked this road with my brother as have many here but I still can't say I have much to offer in the way of advice. You know going in, she will likely deny it at first and it may take a follow up meeting or so to guide her toward help. As you hear so many times, she'll need to want to get help when she hears the truth and that's my prayer for her to desire life-saving and family-saving change. I pray she recognizes her "bottom" when she hits it and knows she has family to help walk along side her as she climbs back up along with God's strength and hope.

Last edited by Leon County Slayer; 03-02-2018 at 11:02 AM.
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Old 03-02-2018, 11:02 AM   #33
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Prayers sent. I lost 2 uncles to who drank and smoked heavily. Luckily my father had more sense than his brothers and quit after he was diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver. He stopped that day cold turkey. After years of heavy consumption myself I seem to have all but quit. I drink maybe 1-2 times a month but still feel like I need to just stop completely. Sounds weird but it's actually kind of scary to me. Never thought I would be one of those "non-drinkers" but if I'm honest with myself I know that when I have a couple it easily turns into way too many. Good luck to your family!
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Old 03-02-2018, 11:04 AM   #34
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Does your local church have a Celebrate Recovery program?

http://www.celebraterecovery.com/
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Old 03-02-2018, 11:07 AM   #35
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Prayers sent
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Old 03-02-2018, 11:16 AM   #36
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My wife is an alcoholic. My two sons and I have lived with very similar, if not worse, circumstances for many years. I tried every tactic, every threat one could imagine. Unfortunately there is no right answer. In their mind they think that they can get away with it and things will be OK. Things can get much worse before they can get better. I will say that unfortunately "Tough love" is what it takes in my opinion. Don't allow your kids to be around her when she is drinking or drunk. If it's as bad as you say, have her admit herself. If it doesn't work the first time, have her admitted again. My wife went twice and has now been sober for 3 months. A HUGE improvement! She goes to AA every evening now. We are a happy family now but know that we have to continue keeping our eyes and hearts open. Finding the right AA counselor is golden for continued success. It can be done but like said by others she has to know she needs help and willing to get it. Just going through the motions will not make it better. Good luck to you and your family and let me know it there is any more "advice" I can give.

Last edited by spro; 03-02-2018 at 11:22 AM.
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Old 03-02-2018, 11:29 AM   #37
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Quote:
Originally Posted by spro View Post
My wife is an alcoholic. My two sons and I have lived with very similar, if not worse, circumstances for many years. I tried every tactic, every threat one could imagine. Unfortunately there is no right answer. In their mind they think that they can get away with it and things will be OK. Things can get much worse before they can get better. I will say that unfortunately "Tough love" is what it takes in my opinion. Don't allow your kids to be around her when she is drinking or drunk. If it's as bad as you say, have her admit herself. If it doesn't work the first time, have her admitted again. My wife went twice and has now been sober for 3 months. A HUGE improvement! She goes to AA every evening now. We are a happy family now but know that we have to continue keeping our eyes and hearts open. Finding the right AA counselor is golden for continued success. It can be done but like said by others she has to know she needs help and willing to get it. Just going through the motions will not make it better. Good luck to you and your family and let me know it there is any more "advice" I can give.
Thank you sir
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Old 03-02-2018, 11:35 AM   #38
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prayers and support sent DTH , PM me if you need anything


@ justintyme ........ my personal experience typed in bold


Quote:
Originally Posted by justintyme8303 View Post
Prayers up for you and the family.


So what has been the reason she has not been able to stop?

.... because she's an alcoholic that has a physical and psychological addiction to any liquid (beer, wine, whiskey, cough syrup, Nyquil, etc...) which allows her to escape from reality and feel comfortably numb. Addicts never want to stop drinking, smoking, gambling, eating, shopping until they accept the truth and admit they are powerless. Addicts are selfish who only care about themselves as they will lie, cheat, and steal to support their habit. The 1st step is admitting you have a problem, as most addicts are in denial.

What is her trigger that makes her want the first drink?

... most of the time there are no triggers since alcoholics go to bed with the bottle and wake up with the bottle. If the alcoholic does not get their fix within several hours, their body starts craving and goes into delirium tremors.

Does anyone else in the family drink?

... OP will have to answer as addiction passed through genetics is real

What type of health issues?

... wouldn't be surprised if the OP's mother has experienced liver, cerebral, social withdrawal, and muscular atrophy issues due to her addiction to alcohol. Excessive amounts of alcohol can destroy the pancreas, brain, heart, and kidneys.


again, just my opinion as an alcoholic/addict, adult child of an alcoholic (ACOA), and substance abuse counselor
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Old 03-02-2018, 11:53 AM   #39
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Prayers sent up!
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Old 03-02-2018, 11:56 AM   #40
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I have seen this many times and can only add a few things.

1. Many times this is a way to self medicate for an underlying issue.
2. They have to want to change.

A good friend of mine died of an overdose of Alcohol and Cocaine. Both were high enough to cause death on their own. He hated his bipolar meds and was basically self medicating.
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Old 03-02-2018, 12:09 PM   #41
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The reason people struggle with addiction is that they have lost their sense of identity and/or never truly known what their value is. If they knew who they were created to be, they wouldn't sell out to their bad habits/addictions so cheaply.

Love will show her who she has been created to be, that it's not too late to enter into the created value that God has designed for her and that no matter how she responds to life, she is loved and she has value!

show her, in scripture, who God has made her to be, which is a woman who is loved by God. He desires that she enter into that love, through faith, in truth where she knows the place of being accepted and cherished.
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Old 03-02-2018, 12:14 PM   #42
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cajun Blake View Post
prayers and support sent DTH , PM me if you need anything


@ justintyme ........ my personal experience typed in bold





again, just my opinion as an alcoholic/addict, adult child of an alcoholic (ACOA), and substance abuse counselor

Thanks for the info Blake.

I was asking as a recovering alcoholic, adult child of an alcoholic, member of a multi generation family of functioning binge drinking alcoholics. I have been there too and feel most of the time we are the only ones that understand and that can help others.

I have to disagree there is always a trigger / underlying issue that we self medicate with alcohol or drugs.

Last edited by justintyme8303; 03-02-2018 at 12:17 PM.
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Old 03-02-2018, 12:21 PM   #43
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God bless!
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Old 03-02-2018, 12:27 PM   #44
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“Tough love” unfortunately is sometimes the best LOVE. We’ve been through this with my older brother. The best thing for him was for everyone and I mean everyone in the family to cut him off in every way and let him see how it feels to sleep on a park bench a few nights. It wasn’t until he hit rock bottom that he decided for himself that he needed help. The hardest thing for me was keeping my Mom and Grandparents from giving him money and explaining to them that they have purchased more Heroine than they could ever imagine.
Fast forwarding to present time and he’s still using and still mooching off my Grandparents who are in there mid 80’s. My Grandparents caved soon after he went through his last visit to rehab and now he’s back to where he started.
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Old 03-02-2018, 12:37 PM   #45
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Prayers up.
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Old 03-02-2018, 12:43 PM   #46
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DTH View Post
She's lives at home by herself. Empty nester.
My siblings do but not really around her and to not that extent. And its about 3-4 health/alcohol related issues.
Describe her drinking patterns/history since we all seem to have a different perspective of an alcoholic.

What do you feel is her reason for drinking the way she does?

What was her longest stretch of being sober in her last attempt to stop? What made her fall off the wagon?

I would guess no one will drink while she is around at family get togethers?

You have to let her know first and foremost you love her and want her around alot longer and so do the grandkids. So getting her healthy is what this is all about.

Like others have said in the end it will be up to her to make this work but providing support is all on you guys. That includes an alcohol free environment for her 100% of the time at family events.
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Old 03-02-2018, 12:51 PM   #47
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 220swift View Post
They have to hit rock bottom. If you feel like she is not a good influence in your kids life, then you MUST shield them from her. It just might be the rock bottom she needs.

Showing kids that there are consequences to behavior is an opportunity to teach your kids.
Unless mom is a crazy violent drunk there is no reason the sheid the kids ever.

They need to see first hand what can happen when a person becomes addicted to a substance even a legal one. Educate them is the only way to arm them from turning out the same way or even dead from a stupid drinking game or hazing in college one day.
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Old 03-02-2018, 02:53 PM   #48
drbonner
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prayers sent
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Old 03-02-2018, 02:55 PM   #49
spro
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Quote:
Originally Posted by justintyme8303 View Post
Unless mom is a crazy violent drunk there is no reason the sheid the kids ever.
Have to disagree with you on this one. I have seen first hand what living with an alcoholic can do to a child. Even worse, I have a buddy who's daughter has tried to slit her wrists numerous times because of an alcoholic mother.
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Old 03-02-2018, 03:14 PM   #50
125Dad
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178 Days alcohol free don't miss it one bit. My wife jokes that I may have to go to rehab for tea. lol

Prayers for you and your family.
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