Originally posted by rferg84
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When you get married you quit living for yourself (or you should anyways). God is number one, then family, then work and everything else. You live for your wife as a provider, protector and leader. So when I say happy wife, happy life it is in no way to say that it's her way or no way. It's to say that I will put her needs first (above my own) and serve her, even if she doesn't deserve it. I will pick her up if she falls and catch her if she stumbles. If you lead her with a servants heart and treat in a manner that no only makes her happy but enables her to shine then you don't have to worry about your happiness because it will come from her. If you treat her that way, she will do the same in return (if she doesn't, you have other problems on your hands). The role of men and women in a relationship are different. Christ said to love your wives as He loves the church and He asked her to submit to you. Not in a demeaning or degrading way but in a servants way. If we treat our wives with love and respect, submission is easy.
Wives and Husbands
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Ephesians 25-33 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
1 Peter 3:17 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers
Colossians 18-19 Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord 19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.
It all starts with you, not her. God tells us to love her before she is asked to submit. It's not right for her to submit if there isn't the love there, then it's just abuse. I'm not saying that she doesn't have to do her part because marriage is 100/100% not 50/50, you both have to put in your all. What I am saying is LOVE your wives unconditionally, LEAD them through life, PROTECT her from hurt, envy, jealousy, ect. and the rest starts to fall into place.
Do I hunt, golf, or fish as much as I used to? Definitely. Do I go out drinking with my buddies anymore. Not really.
Truthfully though, it's not because of my wife. It's because of my priorities. Our time is by far our most valuable resource, once it's gone we never get it back. Between owning businesses (my wife and I are both self employed and own another business together) we simply don't have time for the things that aren't important. I want to spend as much of the free time I have with my wife and my two beautiful daughters. We surround ourselves with like minded people who understand those same things. We hang out with our friends every weekend, we drink, we eat, shoot things, catch fish, golf even, we fellowship at every turn. Heck two buddies and I took our three little girls (all under 5) golfing yesterday and had a blast, we drank a few beers, played golf and our girls putted and chipped with us on every hole. Playing nine with my four year old on a Sunday afternoon beats the heck out of 18 with my buddies most days. I still enjoy and do both but see her drain a three foot putt and tell me she beat me is pretty awesome. On that same note my wife started playing golf so we can go out as a family, still a dang good time, it's win-win for everyone. Do I like to play golf and get rowdy with my friends, absolutely but I don't do it as often as I did in college and that's alright with me.
As our priorities have changed so have our friends, which may sound harsh but it's reality. I'm 31 and a lot of our friends from college (wife's included) simply aren't in the same place in life as we are, they are people I care about but don't hang out with much because we are losing common ground. I simply don't have time for people that don't have the same goals and values that we do. My brain never shuts off thinking about business and I know people who aren't entrepreneurs don't get it, so sometimes my friends that aren't get frustrated with me I'm sure because that's all I talk about. Life is too short to deal with drama. So I have a tight circle of people that I love and would do anything for. We have family nights, guy nights, girl nights, kid free trips, kid trips, we golf, hunt, fish all together.
Happy marriages in my opinion (take it for what its worth, your mileage may vary) start with a few things. God must be the center of your relationship. You must be willing and comfortable praying with and for each other. Mutual respect has to be given all the time. It's easy to inadvertently as a man disrespect our wives, maybe it's income disparity, physical ability, intelligence (either way
), our roles in the home, parenting, how she folded the clothes, or a million silly things. You have to respect her and she has to respect you and although your roles are different, they are both equally necessary for your marriage to work. Women are inherently more sensitive then most men and we have to understand that her needs are different. I heard Zig Zigglar one time say that if a man fails at his task one day the best thing his woman can do is take him and the bedroom and be intimate, don't necessarily talk about it. Flip that, if your woman comes home after failure, try and take her in the bedroom be intimate and don't talk about her problems, it will go over like a **** in a punchbowl. The reactions to two similar cause with the same solution create immediately different results, our needs are different.
If we understand how are needs are different we can start to understand how what we do affects her. If she feels insecure about something, by all means talk about it and give her reassurance. If that doesn't work, don't do it. Men and women are just different and we too often think, well that wouldn't bother me at all so I don't understand why it bothers her. Hell you may never know, just know that it does and respect that. If you do that, she'll have the same courtesy for you. If I'm upset, good chance I'm not going to talk about it. If my wife upset, there is a good chance she's going to talk about it. If she doesn't give me space or I don't listen to her just because that's what each of us want, it wont ever work. It's really about finding mutual respect and accountability to each other.
She's not your hunting buddy, she's not your girlfriend, your roommate, your mom, or your maid. She is your equal. She's the woman who committed her life to you. It's not easy but nothing worth doing is.
Don't be afraid to get married, find the one that loves Christ more than you. That loves hunting and the outdoors just below how much she loves you but a little above working and everything else. Find the woman whom you meet and instantly want to serve (I'm talking opening doors, pulling out chairs, giving her the last cold beer or pinch of snuff, letting her sit in your favorite chair kinda stuff), not one that you want to serve you. Last word of advice don't ever trust a woman that your dog doesn't like and one that doesn't like your dog. You're just asking for a divorce.
Wives and Husbands
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Ephesians 25-33 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
1 Peter 3:17 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers
Colossians 18-19 Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord 19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.
It all starts with you, not her. God tells us to love her before she is asked to submit. It's not right for her to submit if there isn't the love there, then it's just abuse. I'm not saying that she doesn't have to do her part because marriage is 100/100% not 50/50, you both have to put in your all. What I am saying is LOVE your wives unconditionally, LEAD them through life, PROTECT her from hurt, envy, jealousy, ect. and the rest starts to fall into place.
Do I hunt, golf, or fish as much as I used to? Definitely. Do I go out drinking with my buddies anymore. Not really.
Truthfully though, it's not because of my wife. It's because of my priorities. Our time is by far our most valuable resource, once it's gone we never get it back. Between owning businesses (my wife and I are both self employed and own another business together) we simply don't have time for the things that aren't important. I want to spend as much of the free time I have with my wife and my two beautiful daughters. We surround ourselves with like minded people who understand those same things. We hang out with our friends every weekend, we drink, we eat, shoot things, catch fish, golf even, we fellowship at every turn. Heck two buddies and I took our three little girls (all under 5) golfing yesterday and had a blast, we drank a few beers, played golf and our girls putted and chipped with us on every hole. Playing nine with my four year old on a Sunday afternoon beats the heck out of 18 with my buddies most days. I still enjoy and do both but see her drain a three foot putt and tell me she beat me is pretty awesome. On that same note my wife started playing golf so we can go out as a family, still a dang good time, it's win-win for everyone. Do I like to play golf and get rowdy with my friends, absolutely but I don't do it as often as I did in college and that's alright with me.
As our priorities have changed so have our friends, which may sound harsh but it's reality. I'm 31 and a lot of our friends from college (wife's included) simply aren't in the same place in life as we are, they are people I care about but don't hang out with much because we are losing common ground. I simply don't have time for people that don't have the same goals and values that we do. My brain never shuts off thinking about business and I know people who aren't entrepreneurs don't get it, so sometimes my friends that aren't get frustrated with me I'm sure because that's all I talk about. Life is too short to deal with drama. So I have a tight circle of people that I love and would do anything for. We have family nights, guy nights, girl nights, kid free trips, kid trips, we golf, hunt, fish all together.
Happy marriages in my opinion (take it for what its worth, your mileage may vary) start with a few things. God must be the center of your relationship. You must be willing and comfortable praying with and for each other. Mutual respect has to be given all the time. It's easy to inadvertently as a man disrespect our wives, maybe it's income disparity, physical ability, intelligence (either way
), our roles in the home, parenting, how she folded the clothes, or a million silly things. You have to respect her and she has to respect you and although your roles are different, they are both equally necessary for your marriage to work. Women are inherently more sensitive then most men and we have to understand that her needs are different. I heard Zig Zigglar one time say that if a man fails at his task one day the best thing his woman can do is take him and the bedroom and be intimate, don't necessarily talk about it. Flip that, if your woman comes home after failure, try and take her in the bedroom be intimate and don't talk about her problems, it will go over like a **** in a punchbowl. The reactions to two similar cause with the same solution create immediately different results, our needs are different. If we understand how are needs are different we can start to understand how what we do affects her. If she feels insecure about something, by all means talk about it and give her reassurance. If that doesn't work, don't do it. Men and women are just different and we too often think, well that wouldn't bother me at all so I don't understand why it bothers her. Hell you may never know, just know that it does and respect that. If you do that, she'll have the same courtesy for you. If I'm upset, good chance I'm not going to talk about it. If my wife upset, there is a good chance she's going to talk about it. If she doesn't give me space or I don't listen to her just because that's what each of us want, it wont ever work. It's really about finding mutual respect and accountability to each other.
She's not your hunting buddy, she's not your girlfriend, your roommate, your mom, or your maid. She is your equal. She's the woman who committed her life to you. It's not easy but nothing worth doing is.
Don't be afraid to get married, find the one that loves Christ more than you. That loves hunting and the outdoors just below how much she loves you but a little above working and everything else. Find the woman whom you meet and instantly want to serve (I'm talking opening doors, pulling out chairs, giving her the last cold beer or pinch of snuff, letting her sit in your favorite chair kinda stuff), not one that you want to serve you. Last word of advice don't ever trust a woman that your dog doesn't like and one that doesn't like your dog. You're just asking for a divorce.
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