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laugh at my misfortune

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    laugh at my misfortune

    Well, went out yesterday morning and had plenty of luck..unfortunately it was mostly bad ha. Figured I would share this amusing story. To start the day off I got out to the woods at 5, and began my somewhat long walk. I forgot my belt so these dang pants are falling down and my treestand is colder than a witches tit in a brass bra and keeps smacking me in the ***. So im trying to hold my pants up and keep a frisky treestand off me for about a 700 yard walk. Find a decent area and get set up. (by the way I hunt public land) Well 645 rolls around and I decide to hit the doe bleat a few times. The last time I hit it there is an explosion of gunfire coming from the lake and it dam* near makes me jump out the tree. Well that stops and then theyre shooting again 15 minutes later, which isnt a big deal by any means cause they have as much of a right to be there as I do, I just wasnt expecting it. They sound close as hell but I know they had to have been a mile away. Next I here a rifle which boggles my mind cause the closest house is 2 miles away probably and the WMA is closed for rifle hunts. I ended up hearing 2 about 20 minutes apart. Then I hear cows..again dont know how cause the closest cows are 2 miles off. Then a f*cking donkey! Im thinking holy sh*t its a petting zoo out here today. Then dogs start barking from somewhere. This is without a doubt the absolute loudest I have EVER heard the woods. You can exclude the rifle/shotgun fire and itd still be the loudest between the birds, cows, donkeys and dogs. Im 700 yards off the road and wondering if between my stand and the road if i went through a portal to narnia. Mind you all of this is going on before 8. I start thinking between all this noise im not gonna see a **** thing, and I sure wont hear it. Around 830-845 the dogs shutted up, the duck hunters (i assume) limited out cause they stopped and I heard no more cows or donkey. So now im sitting in the stand hoping that my day will get better and i start shaking cause of the cold. I stand up and put a dip in (cause that helps) and try my best to ignore this wierd feeling in my gut. Well the feeling stuck around and I chalked it up to being gas so I decide to squeeze my cheeks tight but give a little push. Wanted to mitigate sh*tting my pants the best I could. Well apparently when you have liquid farts, nothing can stop the poop from seeping into your pants. yep..I pooped my pants. I put a hand in to check things out and came up with liquid gold. So I did what any avid outdoors-man would do.....i wiped my finger off on the tree and kept hunting. NO SHAME!! I aint letting a little brown stain ruin my day! its not even 10 o clock yet. Well no more than 10 minutes went by and guess what I had come by my stand!...if you said a stud buck..you're wrong. I had a dam* 125 lb hog strolling up. Guess he smelled the poop and mistook it for a girlfriend of his. Well Im not gonna pass on the opportunity to shoot a good size hog so I grab my bow, connected my release to my d-loop, drew back and I INSTANTLY regretted it because I had my dang poop finger shoved under my nose and chilling on my lip...I almost said to hell with the hog and just let my bow down, but I stuck it out and ripped the shot off. Well unfortunately I never did find it cause the blood trail disappeared so I sh*t my pants and put poop up my nose all while sitting in a wild zoo for absolutely nothing. So theres a little story for you and I hope everyone had a better Thanksgiving than I. Good luck out there this season and stay safe

    #2
    Only a grunt could tell a story like that.

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      #3
      Hahahahahaha!!!!! Awesome write-up! I am rolling!!!

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        #4
        In for the ribbing. Poor fella

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          #5
          I admire you for tellin' that story.....it's a great thing to be able to laugh at yourself!!! Sounds like a hunt you will never forget!

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            #6
            Lmao. Better luck next time, thanks for sharing.

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              #7
              Good stuff there! Hope it gets better for ya

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                #8
                yeah, dont think I'll ever forget this hunt haha

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                  #9
                  That brings a whole new meaning to the term "stinky finger!"

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                    #10
                    LMAO!! Holy hell!

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                      #11
                      Originally posted by parkchief100 View Post
                      That brings a whole new meaning to the term "stinky finger!"
                      LOL man you aren't lying!

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                        #12
                        What a day!

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                          #13
                          That's Funny! Thanks for sharing.

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                            #14
                            Awesome story so eloquently stated!!!! Thanks for sharing.

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                              #15
                              Hilarious! Im crying from laughing. Better luck next time.

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