Lame jokes

[12ring]

"Wildcat in the Outhouse", by Claude Ballz.

[417scott]

This thread should be mandatory reading for anyone with young'ish kids. It's a gold mine of dad jokes.

[Worksalot]

Wanna hear a joke?

Women's rights

Ask Wendy Davis. The one who ran for governor of TX.

[Abcdj]

Two friends playing golf.

1 Said, man, you gotta get you some of these balls.

2. Whats so special about that ball?

1. You can't lose them!! Hit it into the water it floats to the top. Hit it into the tall grass it beeps. Hit it into the dark woods it lights up.

2. Man, that's great. I do need to get some of those. Where did you get them?

1. I found it

[Huntsman27]

An Aggie enlists in the army and after basic training he is sent off to war.

When they arrive everyone is issued a riffle but him and when mentions it to his sergeant he is handed a long stick and is told to yell bangity bang.

Then everyone is issued grenades except him and when he mentions it he is given a handful of rocks and is told to throw them an yell boomity boom.

Then everyone is issued a knife except him and when he mentions it he is given a stick and told to yell stabity stab.

When they get in their first skirmish the Aggie holds up his long stick and yells bangity bang, bangity bang and to his amazement the enemy falls over dead. A few minutes later several of the enemy are approaching and the Aggie throws one of his rocks and yells boomity boom, boomity boom and again to his amazement they all fall dead. Later he is engaged in hand to hand combat and uses his stick yelling stabity stab, stabity stab and the enemy is killed.

Finally, a lone enemy is approaching and he holds up his long stick and yells bangity bang, bangity bang but nothing happens. He throws one of his rocks and yells boomity boom, boomity boom but the enemy continues to approach undeterred. The Aggie grabs his stick and begins poking the enemy yelling stabity stab, stabity stab but is unable to kill him, the enemy ran over the Aggie yelling tankity tank, tankity tank.

[Huntsman27]

What do you call a blonde skeleton in a closet?

Last years hide & seek champion.

[Huntsman27]

A man and a blonde were sitting at a bar in an airport watching the 10 o'clock news when a story of a women on a bridge contemplating suicides came on.

The man turns to the blonde and says, "I bet you $20 she jumps", the blonde said, "your on".

When the woman jumped off the bridge the man said, "I'm sorry I can't take your money, I saw this story on the 6 o'clock news". The blonde said, "no, a bet is a bet, I saw it to but I didn't think she would jump again".

[Jaybo31]

An Aggie enlists in the army and after basic training he is sent off to war.

When they arrive everyone is issued a riffle but him and when mentions it to his sergeant he is handed a long stick and is told to yell bangity bang.

Then everyone is issued grenades except him and when he mentions it he is given a handful of rocks and is told to throw them an yell boomity boom.

Then everyone is issued a knife except him and when he mentions it he is given a stick and told to yell stabity stab.

When they get in their first skirmish the Aggie holds up his long stick and yells bangity bang, bangity bang and to his amazement the enemy falls over dead. A few minutes later several of the enemy are approaching and the Aggie throws one of his rocks and yells boomity boom, boomity boom and again to his amazement they all fall dead. Later he is engaged in hand to hand combat and uses his stick yelling stabity stab, stabity stab and the enemy is killed.

Finally, a lone enemy is approaching and he holds up his long stick and yells bangity bang, bangity bang but nothing happens. He throws one of his rocks and yells boomity boom, boomity boom but the enemy continues to approach undeterred. The Aggie grabs his stick and begins poking the enemy yelling stabity stab, stabity stab but is unable to kill him, the enemy ran over the Aggie yelling tankity tank, tankity tank.

I'm laughing way too hard at this

[Preacher Man]

Why is a pool table green?

If somebody racked your balls, you’d be green too!

[Preacher Man]

What’s the most elastic thing in the Bible?

Skin, because Moses tied his $ss to a tree and walked 10 miles.

[txpitdog]

Sometimes I tell dad jokes



Sometimes he laughs

[Chew]

What does a nosy pepper do?
-Gets jalapeno business!


I was going to tell a time travel joke but y'all didn't like it...

Strong...

[CaprockRoamer]

How do you unlock a banana?


With a mon-key

[CaprockRoamer]

Why did little Johnny saw his commode in half?

Because he overheard his daddy saying some of his halfazzed kinfolk were coming to visit.

Why did little Johnny try to flush himself down the commode?

Because his mama called him a little ****.

[Tony Pic]

What is a pirates favorite State? Arrrrkansas.

What is a pirates favorite letter?
Everyone thinks Rrrrr...But its actually the C.