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Old 01-10-2018, 10:49 AM   #1
Gunnyart
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Default should I act surprised?

My BIL just spilled the beans that apparently my wife is planning a 50th Birthday party for me.

He obviously didn't know it was a secret so I can't blame him but my wife is going to be absolutely crushed because this is the first time she's tried to throw a party for me which is a really big deal for her to pull it off. (she is self conscious about never being able to surprise me.)

I'd lay the odds that word gets back to her that I know are about 50/50.

I really want my wife to enjoy this "victory" of FINALLY after almost 28 years of marriage managing to surprise me.

I'm really torn up (for her) over this.

Do I:
Play stupid and act surprised and run the risk she finds out I know...
or
Lavish praise on her for the effort and end all pretense?
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Old 01-10-2018, 10:50 AM   #2
Pkripper
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Act surprised until busted and the lavish praise.
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Old 01-10-2018, 10:51 AM   #3
LiftAndShoot
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That's a tough one.

I think you have to weigh the odds that she goes from 'crushed that you found out' to 'crushed that you found out and then angry with you for 'acting' surprised.'

Not sure about your Mrs., but mine would want to know that I know. I would mitigate with how grateful I was and how thoughtful the idea is. Maybe even give her time to change up the plans.

Also, totally would throw the BIL under the bus.
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Old 01-10-2018, 10:52 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LiftAndShoot View Post
That's a tough one.

I think you have to weigh the odds that she goes from 'crushed that you found out' to 'crushed that you found out and then angry with you for 'acting' surprised.'

Not sure about your Mrs., but mine would want to know that I know. I would mitigate with how grateful I was and how thoughtful the idea is. Maybe even give her time to change up the plans.

Also, totally would throw the BIL under the bus.
X2
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Old 01-10-2018, 10:53 AM   #5
Gunnyart
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Both suggestions hold merit. The dilemma deepens.
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Old 01-10-2018, 10:53 AM   #6
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Play stupid.....absolutely nothing good comes out of your telling her you know. If she finds out you know, you are still a saint for trying to let her do her thing and least with my wife you would be. Win Win.
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Old 01-10-2018, 10:54 AM   #7
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What chu talking about Willis?" .
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Old 01-10-2018, 10:55 AM   #8
BitBackShot
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Faint and poo your pants. It's the only way she'll buy it.
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Old 01-10-2018, 10:56 AM   #9
Abcdj
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If mommas happy......................
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Old 01-10-2018, 10:57 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pkripper View Post
Act surprised until busted and the lavish praise.
This for sure.

LWD
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Old 01-10-2018, 11:00 AM   #11
Bigdaddy
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Art act surprised.
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Old 01-10-2018, 11:02 AM   #12
stickbowcoop
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Smart View Post
Play stupid.....absolutely nothing good comes out of your telling her you know. If she finds out you know, you are still a saint for trying to let her do her thing and least with my wife you would be. Win Win.
I disagree. My wife would very hurt that I lied to her and pretended not to know. Nothing good comes from lying, ever. I would just tell her my BIL spilled the beans and go from there.
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Old 01-10-2018, 11:02 AM   #13
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First, ^... snitches get stitches..

Second, It could be a ruse concocted by your wife to get you to expect a b-day party....when in reality it ain't happening.....


but yeh..lie... lie your *** off.
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Old 01-10-2018, 11:03 AM   #14
dbaio1
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Smart View Post
Play stupid.....absolutely nothing good comes out of your telling her you know. If she finds out you know, you are still a saint for trying to let her do her thing and least with my wife you would be. Win Win.
I agree with this ^^^^
Half the fun for her will be all the planning and prep would be my guess.
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Old 01-10-2018, 11:06 AM   #15
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In 28 years of marriage you have not figured out that regardless which option you choose that your still wrong? :-)
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Old 01-10-2018, 11:06 AM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Smart View Post
Play stupid.....absolutely nothing good comes out of your telling her you know. If she finds out you know, you are still a saint for trying to let her do her thing and least with my wife you would be. Win Win.
This
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Old 01-10-2018, 11:07 AM   #17
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Originally Posted by systemnt View Post
...It could be a ruse concocted by your wife to get you to expect a b-day party....when in reality it ain't happening.....
If I believed my wife was devious enough to go to that extent I'd be massively surprised.
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Old 01-10-2018, 11:07 AM   #18
systemnt
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Originally Posted by Gunnyart View Post
If I believed my wife was devious enough to go to that extent I'd be massively surprised.
All part of the plan....
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Old 01-10-2018, 11:10 AM   #19
meltingfeather
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My vote is do not try to deceive your wife.
Even if you pull it off it's not real.
"If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair."
~C.S. Lewis
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Old 01-10-2018, 11:13 AM   #20
riverbowman
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My wife would absolutely want to know. She would feel foolish if I knew about it and especially if other party attendees knew that I knew... If that even makes any sense. Some wives are different though. Not an easy decision.
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Old 01-10-2018, 11:14 AM   #21
systemnt
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"sticks and stones, may hurt you but a wife is always just one disappointment away from setting you on fire" - systemnt
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Old 01-10-2018, 11:17 AM   #22
Smart
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stickbowcoop View Post
I disagree. My wife would very hurt that I lied to her and pretended not to know. Nothing good comes from lying, ever. I would just tell her my BIL spilled the beans and go from there.
Lying?..LMAO....how the "bleep" are you lying to her if its a surprise? It never comes up.

If that's a lie in a relationship, there are some problems.

Last edited by Smart; 01-10-2018 at 11:20 AM.
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Old 01-10-2018, 11:25 AM   #23
LiftAndShoot
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Um, something else to consider - make the BIL tell the wife that he let it slip.
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Old 01-10-2018, 11:29 AM   #24
sir shovelhands
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LiftAndShoot View Post
Um, something else to consider - make the BIL tell the wife that he let it slip.
Now that is a solution right there.
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Old 01-10-2018, 11:31 AM   #25
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Go drink enough to forget. Problem solved. Just playing sort of
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Old 01-10-2018, 11:35 AM   #26
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gunnyart View Post
I'd lay the odds that word gets back to her that I know are about 50/50.
Is your BIL the only one who knows you know? Tell him if he opens his trap again you will break his face. Then act surprised at the party. Itís a good lie.
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Old 01-10-2018, 11:36 AM   #27
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I would tell my wife I knew, but then I would tell her how happy I am. Then she would reshedule the party and not tell the BIL and let him be surprised when he shows up somewhere else all alone and doesn't know what is happening.
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Old 01-10-2018, 11:37 AM   #28
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Smart View Post
Lying?..LMAO....how the "bleep" are you lying to her if its a surprise? It never comes up.

If that's a lie in a relationship, there are some problems.



I agree with both your posts. No reason to upset her

Last edited by AntlerCollector; 01-10-2018 at 11:57 AM.
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Old 01-10-2018, 11:44 AM   #29
rfroese
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I have this same issue when it comes to Christmas gifts my wife gives me. She gets upset when I know what it is but she just can't seem to ever be able to surprise me. Either it's a box that I see where it came from or accidentally getting it shipped to the house, she never is able to surprise me.

With my wife, we value honesty over everything. As far as lying, I don't see it as a lie but I do believe in telling my wife everything.
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Old 01-10-2018, 11:47 AM   #30
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You know but don't know all of the details so there's some surprise left yet. If she finds out, just say he mentioned something but I didn't really believe him.
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Old 01-10-2018, 11:52 AM   #31
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Smart View Post
Lying?..LMAO....how the "bleep" are you lying to her if its a surprise? It never comes up.

If that's a lie in a relationship, there are some problems.
We have a great relationship and have been together for 25 years. It's lying because you know and don't tell her, then act surprised like you didn't know. I have very strict rules about lying because of some bad experiences in my youth. I am an open book. I either tell people the truth or say it's none of your business . So in our relationship I would tell her. I didn't mean to sound like I was saying what works for me works for everybody.
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Old 01-10-2018, 11:52 AM   #32
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do you know what all she is planning, as in details, are are you just aware that she is "going all out"? on something for you? there is a difference, and you can still be surprised by what she chooses to do. its all perspective my man.
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Old 01-10-2018, 11:54 AM   #33
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jb5001 View Post
You know but don't know all of the details so there's some surprise left yet.
It's true I don't have any details. date, location, guest list. I'm leaning this way.
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Old 01-10-2018, 11:56 AM   #34
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Originally Posted by RWB View Post
In 28 years of marriage you have not figured out that regardless which option you choose that your still wrong? :-)
this right here ^^^ you're wrong either way
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Old 01-10-2018, 11:56 AM   #35
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Just tell her you absolutely dont want a 50 year old birthday party under any circumstances. Problem solved.
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Old 01-10-2018, 11:57 AM   #36
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Good luck with this!!!
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Old 01-10-2018, 11:58 AM   #37
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Secret you and the BIL can take to the grave!
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Old 01-10-2018, 11:59 AM   #38
AntlerCollector
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Originally Posted by Gunnyart View Post
It's true I don't have any details. date, location, guest list. I'm leaning this way.
Well then you will be surprised

Problem solved
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Old 01-10-2018, 11:59 AM   #39
Dale Moser
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She's setting you up, it will happen the day before.


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Old 01-10-2018, 12:00 PM   #40
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Man all you guys telling him to dime the BIL out must be some trust fund, silver spoon babies lol. Where I come from, snitches get stitches. lol
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Old 01-10-2018, 12:01 PM   #41
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No matter what you do, it will be the WRONG decision.
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Old 01-10-2018, 12:01 PM   #42
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I wouldn't say ish and act surprised as hell - then celebrate ... It's your bday so you know what that means!
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Old 01-10-2018, 12:06 PM   #43
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BIL is the weak link. If he can be trusted to NOT EVER tell anybody you knew I'd roll with it.
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Old 01-10-2018, 12:11 PM   #44
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gunnyart View Post
My BIL just spilled the beans that apparently my wife is planning a 50th Birthday party for me.

He obviously didn't know it was a secret so I can't blame him but my wife is going to be absolutely crushed because this is the first time she's tried to throw a party for me which is a really big deal for her to pull it off. (she is self conscious about never being able to surprise me.)

I'd lay the odds that word gets back to her that I know are about 50/50.

I really want my wife to enjoy this "victory" of FINALLY after almost 28 years of marriage managing to surprise me.

I'm really torn up (for her) over this.

Do I:
Play stupid and act surprised and run the risk she finds out I know...
or
Lavish praise on her for the effort and end all pretense?
I recommend some type of head injury that affects short-term memory because any other way at this is a lose/lose unless honesty is the most important value in your marriage...then I suggest telling her you to know about it.
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Old 01-10-2018, 12:13 PM   #45
Smart
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tommyh View Post
do you know what all she is planning, as in details, are are you just aware that she is "going all out"? on something for you? there is a difference, and you can still be surprised by what she chooses to do. its all perspective my man.

Yup exactly this...no reason to ruin it all if for her. Even if you find out a partial snippet, there are all kinds of things to be surprised about. She's going out of her way to do something special for you so we can put any "morality" stuff aside for a night....

Last edited by Smart; 01-10-2018 at 12:16 PM.
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Old 01-10-2018, 12:14 PM   #46
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rfroese View Post
I have this same issue when it comes to Christmas gifts my wife gives me. She gets upset when I know what it is but she just can't seem to ever be able to surprise me. Either it's a box that I see where it came from or accidentally getting it shipped to the house, she never is able to surprise me.

With my wife, we value honesty over everything. As far as lying, I don't see it as a lie but I do believe in telling my wife everything.
my wife found a solution to that very problem in our marriage...any guesses?
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Old 01-10-2018, 12:22 PM   #47
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If you really want to surprise them, donít show up.


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Old 01-10-2018, 12:23 PM   #48
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You don’t know when, where or who is going to be there so a lot of it (most of it) is still a surprise. Go with A as long as it lasts, then go to plan B. When you have to move to plan B make sure she knows it was the BILs fault and not her own.
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Old 01-10-2018, 12:25 PM   #49
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1st thought. Maybe there is no party and the BIL was supposed to let the fake party slip out. Now you'll be surprised when Nothing Happens lol.

2nd thought. If there really is a surprise party, when they jump out and yell surprise, you drop on the floor like you're having a Heart Attack
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Old 01-10-2018, 12:32 PM   #50
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Shoot, if you're turning 50, you'll probably forget about it by the time it happens and be surprised anyway.
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