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Old 04-26-2019, 05:46 AM   #1
Huntingfool
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Default parents supporting grown kids?

https://www.yahoo.com/finance/news/b...151731524.html
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Old 04-26-2019, 06:26 AM   #2
flywise
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My mother has my 3 adult brothers living at her house.......I dont get it.
Being a fireman I go into houses almost daily where children from 20 and up are living at home.
My kids are 11&12 and I have been telling them since they can understand my words that they will be moving out when they are 18.
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Old 04-26-2019, 06:42 AM   #3
MBV77
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I wonít kick my kids out at 18, but they had better be on a path of being able to pay their own way in the near future.



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Old 04-26-2019, 06:48 AM   #4
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Sad thing is they dont care if they bleed their parents dry. I have seen it first hand.
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Old 04-26-2019, 07:08 AM   #5
miket
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Pathetic and abusive. The parents are allowing themselves to be abused by the "kids". When you legally become an adult you are responsible for yourself. My oldest is 18 and about to graduate. I told her if she isnt in a trade school or college she is out on the street. Period. As a parent I will help, for the ( actual ) good of the "child" but not be abused.

Not saying, in any way that we shoudnt help our kids to succeed in life, but what I see nowadays is far beyond that.
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Old 04-26-2019, 07:19 AM   #6
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I sent the link to my mother in law and my wife. The oldest sibling of my wife lives at home, has no job and the room she lives in looks like a tornado blew through it. She pays zero bills and does squat around the home to help. Shes 45

Then there is her son. He lives in a home paid for by another, has no job and has wrecked two cars my mother in law bought. Hes quit jobs given to him by family members and refused to work in my FIL shop. Hes 24

The both of them are leeches on society IMO. Ive told my son countless times I wont support him if he turns down a road halfway close to them. Its down right disgusting people can take advantage of anyone that way much less their own flesh and blood
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Old 04-26-2019, 07:31 AM   #7
curtintex
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I'd do anything for my kids as long as they're doing for themselves. But...I didn't raise my kids to want to be taken care of by their parents forever. I raised them to want to go out and make something of themselves. I can guarantee you that if you traced back the lives of these deadbeat "kids" you'd find some parents that were enabling them long before they became adults.
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Old 04-26-2019, 07:32 AM   #8
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Lot of hard feelings among family over the squatters, caused a lot of fights in mine.
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Old 04-26-2019, 07:34 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by curtintex View Post
I'd do anything for my kids as long as they're doing for themselves. But...I didn't raise my kids to want to be taken care of by their parents forever. I raised them to want to go out and make something of themselves. I can guarantee you that if you traced back the lives of these deadbeat "kids" you'd find some parents that were enabling them long before they became adults.
Yes sir, grandparents are sometimes the worst enablers.
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Old 04-26-2019, 07:36 AM   #10
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Just bought my first house. Iím 25 my gf is 24. Went and met the neighbors and their 24 year old unemployed son whoís still living at home. Kind of amazes me how many people just donít take the initiative to leave. I know when I turned 18 I was itching to leave


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Old 04-26-2019, 07:43 AM   #11
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According to my ex, Iím one of those dads that doesnít do enough for my kids. They are 23 and 21.
Parenting has changed so much since I was a kid. Now itís more of a ďfriendshipĒ relationship instead of getting kids ready for the mean real world...


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Old 04-26-2019, 07:46 AM   #12
mikemorvan
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One of the things my wife and i are proudest of is that our kids went off to college, and never returned. Both are seemingly well adjusted and living productive lives. Kind of a double edged sword. We don't get to see them nearly enough, but it's better than seeing them 24/7/365.
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Old 04-26-2019, 07:48 AM   #13
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Pathetic and abusive. The parents are allowing themselves to be abused by the "kids". When you legally become an adult you are responsible for yourself. My oldest is 18 and about to graduate. I told her if she isnt in a trade school or college she is out on the street. Period. As a parent I will help, for the ( actual ) good of the "child" but not be abused.

Not saying, in any way that we shoudnt help our kids to succeed in life, but what I see nowadays is far beyond that.
Sound like my parents . I'm pretty sure that by the time I was 5, I understood I better be making plans for departure by the time I reached 18.
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Old 04-26-2019, 08:12 AM   #14
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I wasn’t told to leave at 18, I was living at home going to a community college with plans to transfer to a university, when I was 19-20 I stopped going because I was working making what I thought was good money at the time. At that point I was told “son people do one of two things after high school. Go to college or get a career job and move out. You stopped going to college so your moving out, hope you get a career job and good luck” looking back that was the best thing that happened to me..
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Old 04-26-2019, 08:19 AM   #15
mikemorvan
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Originally Posted by RobinHood View Post
According to my ex, I’m one of those dads that doesn’t do enough for my kids. They are 23 and 21.
Parenting has changed so much since I was a kid. Now it’s more of a “friendship” relationship instead of getting kids ready for the mean real world...


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...and in my opinion this is one of the first places "parents" go wrong. Kids are going to have bunches of friends. If they're lucky they'll have two or three good friends. BUT, they get one set of "parents".

Parents are to teach and train. Not be besties. Proverbs 22:6.


And - its starts on Day One.
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Old 04-26-2019, 08:25 AM   #16
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I woke up one morning and my parents left me

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Old 04-26-2019, 08:25 AM   #17
Tony Pic
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Raised 3 boys and they are all off on their own. One works on turbine engines (Rolls Royce and GE), one is LE one is a CPA.
My Pop told me, when we had our first was born that, our job as parents is to prepare our kids for a world without us being there. While it is sad when kids fly the coop, it is reinforcement that they are ready to fly, and you have done your job.
My youngest received the most monetarily. With his grades and direction. He was a sure bet. Let him take the college loans(I co-signed), so he had skin in the game. I paid the loans while he was in school. He walked out of college with a masters and a full time job at a major accounting firm making just under 100k. He took over the loans.


Help your kids if you can, but NOT to a detriment.
Gifts are great, but lessons learned are greater.
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Old 04-26-2019, 08:35 AM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by curtintex View Post
I'd do anything for my kids as long as they're doing for themselves. But...I didn't raise my kids to want to be taken care of by their parents forever. I raised them to want to go out and make something of themselves. I can guarantee you that if you traced back the lives of these deadbeat "kids" you'd find some parents that were enabling them long before they became adults.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Radar View Post
Yes sir, grandparents are sometimes the worst enablers.

Both of these......SPOT ON

I and my wife have 8 children from 22 down to 8. I've always joked that their graduation gift would be a watch so they won't be late for work and a suitcase to pack their belongings in so they can vamoose outta my house.
The 4 that are over 18 are gone. 1 works for the state and has his own family, one has her scholarship and attends OU, the other 2 live in my inlaws garage apartment, attend Lonestar Community College, and (for the most part) support themselves.

My wife and I decided years ago that, though we love them dearly, we refuse to cripple them by supporting them after they are adults
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Old 04-26-2019, 08:40 AM   #19
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Failure to launch is a failure by the parents as much as the kid.
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Old 04-26-2019, 08:54 AM   #20
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My kids are out on there own and self sufficient both kids are married and have purchased homes. .It is sad to see the 25-45 yr old children still dependent on parents to house them and feed them.
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Old 04-26-2019, 08:55 AM   #21
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Iím 45 & Iíve teased my dad that I might just quit my job & move in with him and just hunt & fish year around while I manage his investments

Seriously though. I have a 17 yr old daughter who can be indecisive on career choices but at least she constantly talks college & career options which shows she is thinking in the right direction. Sheís narrowed her choice down to the medical field which I applaud
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Old 04-26-2019, 09:54 AM   #22
Slew
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Snowflake Killa View Post
I woke up one morning and my parents left me

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At the Grand Canyon???
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Old 04-26-2019, 10:02 AM   #23
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I donít have kids yet but when I do they wonít be kicked out right at 18 unless theyíre worthless. If youíre living at home while going to school, cool. If youíre living at home saving up for a house, cool. If youíre living at home because youíre a lazy POS, not cool.


I moved out as soon as I graduated high school for two years. Went to school, partied and some how landed a good job. I then moved back in until I was 23. The whole purpose of me moving back home was to put money in the bank so I could buy a house. I was fully supporting myself, and paying rent but it was much easier to save money living there than in an apartment. Iím a firefighter so between my full time job and part time job I only slept there about 15 nights a month, add in trips to the deer lease and I was seldom home. It worked out great for me as I was able to buy my first home at 23. Looking back I would do it again, and would do the same thing for my kiddos.
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Old 04-26-2019, 10:07 AM   #24
gingib
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I moved back home after my brother and I sold our house, as I had less then 10 months until I was getting married.

But it was just a place to sleep as I paid all my bills and did everything on my own including a full time job.
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Old 04-26-2019, 10:13 AM   #25
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One son will be 22 in June and is living at home.


He graduates in 2.5 weeks and will either be going to grad school or accept the job offer from his internship last Summer. If it is the latter, I expect he will continue to live at home until he has built up a nice emergency and trasportation fund.

We paid for both boy's college. The downside for them is they shared a '95 Jeep. Worked out well for the eldest since he is a Petroleum engineer and was given a truck to drive (Sales). The youngest won't be that lucky.
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Old 04-26-2019, 10:25 AM   #26
TeamAmerica
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I was having a visit with 92 year grandmother. I try to visit and have a whiskey with her once a month. She mentioned that my uncle (who is 70) came by to ask for money and she gave him some but " told him this was the last time and money tree is all dried up!". we shall see.

my FIL on the other hand knows we don't need the money but always peels off $200 in cash to give us for "gas and groceries and such". he is just a generous guy.

it is harder than some know what is generosity and what is abuse....i would always give my kid a home if they needed one, but i would be the first one to make sure they had a plan to get back on their feet.
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Old 04-26-2019, 10:29 AM   #27
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Not sure I agree letting them live at home to save up money for a house. Like when my mother in law wanted to live with us while she paid down her credit cards........NOPE!


But I dont understand them not wanting to leave either, when I turned 18 me and a buddy rented a little shack with holes in the floor and nothing but a swamp cooler and were dang proud to just be free. We would splurge on a block of dry ice for the swamp cooler on the summer weekends
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Old 04-26-2019, 10:33 AM   #28
Dale Moser
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There is a severe lack of pride, particularly among males of the species these days.
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Old 04-26-2019, 10:33 AM   #29
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Originally Posted by miket View Post
Pathetic and abusive. The parents are allowing themselves to be abused by the "kids". When you legally become an adult you are responsible for yourself. My oldest is 18 and about to graduate. I told her if she isnt in a trade school or college she is out on the street. Period. As a parent I will help, for the ( actual ) good of the "child" but not be abused.

Not saying, in any way that we shoudnt help our kids to succeed in life, but what I see nowadays is far beyond that.
Or the parents are abusing the "kids" by not giving them the self respect and dignity of living their own lives and providing their own way.
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Old 04-26-2019, 10:48 AM   #30
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dale Moser View Post
There is a severe lack of pride, particularly among males of the species these days.


Nailed it, very few from the younger generation are being raised to be men. Self sustaining, responsible, accountable, hard working men that take pride in doing a good job.

My dad used to tell me that the way you do anything is the way you do everything. Donít be half-***
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Old 04-26-2019, 10:54 AM   #31
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Quote:
Originally Posted by curtintex View Post
I'd do anything for my kids as long as they're doing for themselves. But...I didn't raise my kids to want to be taken care of by their parents forever. I raised them to want to go out and make something of themselves. I can guarantee you that if you traced back the lives of these deadbeat "kids" you'd find some parents that were enabling them long before they became adults.
I agree with you. Some parents ďloveĒ their kids too much to the point of hurting them. I believe we start the process when the child is very young.
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Old 04-26-2019, 10:59 AM   #32
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Originally Posted by TeamAmerica View Post
I was having a visit with 92 year grandmother. I try to visit and have a whiskey with her once a month.
You're a good grandson and definitely win the award for best grandmother!
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Old 04-26-2019, 11:00 AM   #33
curtintex
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dale Moser View Post
There is a severe lack of pride, particularly among males of the species these days.
No doubt. I'd be ashamed to act the way that I know some guys act. No sense of self-pride at all.
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Old 04-26-2019, 11:05 AM   #34
Charles
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Originally Posted by Dale Moser View Post
There is a severe lack of pride, particularly among males of the species these days.
or ambitions
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Old 04-26-2019, 11:34 AM   #35
RR 314
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There is a severe lack of pride, particularly among males of the species these days.
Truer words were never written. Sans a SEVERE physical or mental disability, there is no explanation for camping out with the parental (unless you are doing so because THEY need help). Pitiful.

My wife extended a job offer to a millennial college grad a couple months ago. She then received a call from the woman's/girl's father and he wanted to negotiate salary/terms of employment. Haaaaa. This is apparently not uncommon these days. The offer was subsequently rescinded.
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Old 04-26-2019, 11:38 AM   #36
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dale moser View Post
there is a severe lack of pride, particularly among males of the species these days.
bingo!
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Old 04-26-2019, 11:43 AM   #37
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For me personally, I'd have to be in dire straights to live with my parents. I like my space too much.

I can understand parents helping out their grown kids if they get into a tight spot temporarily, but if they never leave, then after a while you have to blame the parents for enabling them, even though they are just trying to help.

Maybe today's society is just reverting back to communal living lol.
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Old 04-26-2019, 11:48 AM   #38
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Their education should start early, mine started the first time they said "mine", from that day on they knew they had no "mine", everything they had was mine they could get some " mine" when they could make money to go get their own "mine"!
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Old 04-26-2019, 11:58 AM   #39
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Snowflake Killa View Post
I woke up one morning and my parents left me

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happened to you too?

My parents retired and sold the house to my brother.
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Old 04-26-2019, 12:05 PM   #40
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When I graduated college I moved home on a Friday. My dad said "Enjoy the weekend, I expect you to be out by Monday". He was half way kidding but the last thing I wanted to do after living on my own for 4 years was move back in with my parents.

I know my parents had my back if I truly needed it but they were done with the handouts. I was glad to be on my own. It will be the same for my kids hopefully.
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Old 04-26-2019, 12:07 PM   #41
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When my sons were young, I told them I was teaching them things to leave home, not stay home. All 3 have left home, went to college, trade schools, military and are being good citizens. I do have one that Im not happy with, but, I keep praying for him.

Oldest, kicked out at 18, ex military, college student, tech school grad, married, working.
Middle son left at 18, college grad, Masters in music, teaches Elem School kids music.
Youngest son left at 18, ex college student, Marine Corp, married, 1st baby on the way.
Only daughter 11yrs old, home schooled, very intelligent. Bright future.
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Old 04-26-2019, 12:22 PM   #42
Snowflake Killa
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At the Grand Canyon???
No crap my mom's arm was underneath me when I woke up,it looked chewed off.

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Old 04-26-2019, 12:26 PM   #43
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It was just me and two brothers at home. We all left when we graduated high school. None of us live where we grew up still to this day. Dad has passed but he always said he was proud of the way we made our way in the world and didn't need him to do it.

My uncle now.....my grandparents had to give him the house and move out and buy another.
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Old 04-26-2019, 12:33 PM   #44
okrattler
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One girl I work with that's about 25 still has an allowance. She doesn't call it that but that's pretty much what it is. She don't live with her mom but she wires her money every week and she expects her to. If I ever told either one of my parents to wire me money I'd get slapped in the mouth.

My parents couldn't afford it anyway but they wouldn't do it even if they could. If I ever run out of money I'm up a creek without a paddle. That's just gonna be the way it is.

Last edited by okrattler; 04-26-2019 at 12:38 PM.
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Old 04-26-2019, 12:46 PM   #45
Dale Moser
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TildenHunter View Post
the last thing I wanted to do after living on my own for 4 years was move back in with my parents.
NO KIDDING! Do these people spend so much time doing nothing that they never learn how to have fun? The kind of fun you can't have at your folks place? I don't get it. The ages of 19-30 are too **** much fun to have your parents watching you..
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Old 04-26-2019, 12:52 PM   #46
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Originally Posted by Dale Moser View Post
NO KIDDING! Do these people spend so much time doing nothing that they never learn how to have fun? The kind of fun you can't have at your folks place? I don't get it. The ages of 19-30 are too **** much fun to have your parents watching you..

I was a crazy man back then. My folks would have made me change my last name if they knew some of the stuff I did. But, I never missed work from too much fun and always wanted to keep moving up.
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Old 04-26-2019, 12:54 PM   #47
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My Mom is almost 80 and raised my step sisters kids while she is in and out of jail. The two older ones followed in their mothers footsteps and the youngest (21) works a Chuck E Cheese. They bought him 3 trucks and a new 2017 Mustang in the last 5 years. Stepdad is 79 and still does all the yard work while dip **** sleeps all day. He wont even change a flat tire, just borrows my moms car until Grandpa can fix it.
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Old 04-26-2019, 12:59 PM   #48
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Enabling your children and not preparing them for adulthood in child abuse. Prepare them to not need you or your $$!
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Old 04-26-2019, 01:06 PM   #49
Man
Pope & Young
 
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Casper,Tx
Hunt In: Nacogdoches,Tx
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Its the parents of the kids. The several I know that are still living with their parents have parents who were very lax and never encouraged hard work and discipline.
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Old 04-26-2019, 01:09 PM   #50
Huntingfool
Six Point
 
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I had two older sisters that my parents paid for their college. When I graduated high school they came to me and said "we spent all our money on your sister's college. So good luck to you son." So I worked my way through college and got my degree.

When I decided to go into the insurance business (which my Dad was also in) I envisioned "going into business with him". Instead he patted me on my back and said "good luck Son - go get them."

That was 40 years ago and was the best thing that ever happened to me. It made me self sufficient and I learned how to work.

I did hear a guy years ago who spoke about raising kids - he had two statements I never forgot.

"The greatest gift you can give your kids is to raise them where their parents have a healthy marriage".

And the other was - "as a parent one of the greatest things you can teach your kids is how to work" -
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