I won the Mega Millions!!!!

[HillCoBowHunter]

Five white balls would be just fine. Thank you very much.

kinda of how I feel about it

[steve morton]

Hire an attorney, then pay half of the proceeds to your soon to be ex wife.

[JTCowpoke]

I think I would prefer to take my chances and get all 6 balls.

[Passafist]

Don't tell your wife

What wife?

[PYBUCK]

Thanks for all the advice guys. Save you money. Doc Brown just came by in his DeLorean. We traveled to tomorrow and I got the Mega Millions winning numbers, returned just now, and went and purchased the winning ticket.

P.S. I have the only winning ticket.

[Hydestik]

I think I’d strap on a cup before posting the way the kicking is going on around here.

[sir shovelhands]

Thanks for all the advice guys. Save you money. Doc Brown just came by in his DeLorean. We traveled to tomorrow and I got the Mega Millions winning numbers, returned just now, and went and purchased the winning ticket.

P.S. I have the only winning ticket.

Or so you think.

But what really happened was your trip to the gas station to buy that ticket caused a minute change in barometric pressure in Bangor Maine, which will result in a cold rainstorm. An elderly Ms. Smith will be caught in that rainstorm, and get pneumonia. Well Ms. Smith's daughter, Tiffany (who lives in Tallahassee), will fly home to take care of her elderly mother. And Tiffany, just so happens to be the babysitter for the woman who does the powerball drawing, and she won't find another sitter in time, so she will have to stay home with her child. Taking her place for the drawing will be a man who weighs 60lbs more than her, and that additional weight on the floor of the drawing room will cause the machine to tip 0.1 degree, which will result in NONE of the balls matching your ticket.

[sahunter]

tagged

[AlaskaFlyerFan]

.

[jshouse]

Or so you think.

But what really happened was your trip to the gas station to buy that ticket caused a minute change in barometric pressure in Bangor Maine, which will result in a cold rainstorm. An elderly Ms. Smith will be caught in that rainstorm, and get pneumonia. Well Ms. Smith's daughter, Tiffany (who lives in Tallahassee), will fly home to take care of her elderly mother. And Tiffany, just so happens to be the babysitter for the woman who does the powerball drawing, and she won't find another sitter in time, so she will have to stay home with her child. Taking her place for the drawing will be a man who weighs 60lbs more than her, and that additional weight on the floor of the drawing room will cause the machine to tip 0.1 degree, which will result in NONE of the balls matching your ticket.

Made me think of this...

What is my perfect crime?

I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.

[RLB]

.

Bret Bielema?

[Txbownut]

Great article above. I just never could get past the part about the guy spending more than 10 grand at the strip club.

[skinsfan]

I can honestly say I don’t think I want to win after reading the article above. Life is pretty good as is.

[sir shovelhands]

Great article above. I just never could get past the part about the guy spending more than 10 grand at the strip club.

I know, what a cheap-@ss, right?

[Froggy]

Whoever wins the Mega Millions Lottery tonight touched me inappropriately 30 years ago....