Holding a child back (4th grade)

[txpitdog]

I suppose I am the odd man out. I have a late birthday, October, and was always youngest in my class. Though it sometimes made things tougher, it made me tougher. I developed tenacity and competitiveness by making it a personal mission to beat the kids that were in some cases a full year older.

Second, to hell with grades. There is a time for grades but elementary school is not it. Is your son grasping the information? There is a huge difference between learning ability and work ethic, and grades alone at this age do not equip parents with enough information to differentiate between the two. If your son knows the material but is lazy with homework and doesn’t try on tests, then he probably isn’t being challenged enough. He is probably much smarter than anyone is giving him credit for. However, if he is struggling to keep up and requires a lot of extra help just to get by, then perhaps holding him back is a consideration...but so is busting out some extra effort and working hard to achieve something that isn’t easy.

Unless the child is truly struggling to keep up, is having a hard time grasping the information, and just isn’t in the right spot developmentally, I do not advocate gaming the system and holding them back just for a temporary benefit of being dominant due to age. That evaporates immediately upon high school graduation, where the diligence and confidence built from having to fight and work harder will benefit the individual for a lifetime.

[super_dave]

Don’t hold him back. It will be social suicide at this point especially if he is passing and truly doesn’t need it. Tutor him in areas that you feel he lacks in. Every district is doing the same things. My boy gets a 30 on a paper and is allowed to correct it for 70. I can ask him the questions and he knows the answers. In his case he would rather scribble something down and get done so he can go play or have “free time” on their stupid tablets.

[scott.str]

I was a June baby and my parents wanted to hold me back as all I cared about was fishing. My brother was the smart one. School has always been hard for me maybe because I was one of the youngest but it really pushed you. Once I got into athletics and you couldn't play unless you passed that started to straighten me up a bit. In college I was never required to go to football tutoring mainly since that was my time and I made sure to do good enough to not go. Just need to find that passion maybe that he needs to focus and with towards.

[bullhead44]

I coached with a guy who had twins, a boy and a girl. The boy was a good athlete but was small for his age. They held him back his 7th grade year, but the girl went to 8th grade. It made a big difference in him his senior year. He finally grew some and had a really good senior year in sports. He would not have had that opportunity if they hadn't held him back.

[Playa]

Just received 4 more grade alerts all 60’s or less.

Don’t hold him back. It will be social suicide at this point especially if he is passing and truly doesn’t need it. Tutor him in areas that you feel he lacks in. Every district is doing the same things. My boy gets a 30 on a paper and is allowed to correct it for 70. I can ask him the questions and he knows the answers. In his case he would rather scribble something down and get done so he can go play or have “free time” on their stupid tablets.

Social suicide? You think I’m all that concerned with his social agenda right now? And actually most of his best friends are in the grade below.... that is actually another item my wife and I discussed, the kids in his class arent inviting him to their bday parties etc, so in a way he is already a social outcast

[bowsticker]

PM Sent

[super_dave]

Just received 4 more grade alerts all 60’s or less.









Social suicide? You think I’m all that concerned with his social agenda right now? And actually most of his best friends are in the grade below.... that is actually another item my wife and I discussed, the kids in his class arent inviting him to their bday parties etc, so in a way he is already a social outcast

No, I know you’re not worried about that, but is he? If he said he wished he was in the class with his buddies, then hold him back. But most kids are concerned what their peers will think, not their buds

[Chief Big Toe]

I had the same issues with my son, we held him back in 1st grade, due to the fact that the teacher gave up on him.. she just would not work with him, we moved to Caddo Mills, and there he was placed in special glasses, but all's they did was enable him,, reading to him and asking him the answer, 4 years later he graduated.. but could not truly read is real bad dyslectic, his writhing was/is atrocious,, he tried join the military , but could not pass any of the branches test,
If I could do it over, no special classes, pay for tutoring by someone that truly would help... The new school system is such a disappointment, IMO

[Skinny]

Don’t hold him back. It will be social suicide at this point especially if he is passing and truly doesn’t need it. Tutor him in areas that you feel he lacks in. Every district is doing the same things. My boy gets a 30 on a paper and is allowed to correct it for 70. I can ask him the questions and he knows the answers. In his case he would rather scribble something down and get done so he can go play or have “free time” on their stupid tablets.

Agreed on the social issue it might bring.


Skinny

[AZST_bowhunter]

Just received 4 more grade alerts all 60’s or less.




Social suicide? You think I’m all that concerned with his social agenda right now? And actually most of his best friends are in the grade below.... that is actually another item my wife and I discussed, the kids in his class arent inviting him to their bday parties etc, so in a way he is already a social outcast

Do what you feel is best for your child, in the end it is your child. My wife is a teacher and talks about the maturity of her kids all the time (more mature the better the grades). Personally, it sounds to me like your child already has the most important thing needed, parents that care.. Best of luck in your decision, these kind of things will come up in mine and my wife's future, expecting our first in September.

FYI my baby bro had ADD and temper issues, got put on the meds and it changed his personality (was fun and loving when he wasn't throwing a tantrum) became dull, sluggish and withdrawn. Dad took him off it and said if he screwed up in school was not playing baseball or going hunting.. Worked like a charm!!

[SCREAMINREELS]

Have y'all considered a private tutor? Some kids learn better in specific ways adults are the same.
Figuring out what his learning style is can be very beneficial and allow him to grasp concepts easier

My nephew is autistic and it was not doing well in Special Ed he ended up with a great private tutor that he sees about 4 days a week and was able to move into normal classes and he's actually doing well in them now because the tutor teaches him in a different way then the teacher does. It kept him from failing and actually got him caught up and possibly going to college in the future now

[super_dave]

Agreed on the social issue it might bring.


Skinny

Yeah, if it was a sure thang education issue, I’d be all for it. But this is just the way school districts operate now.

[Skinny]

Thankfully my kids go to a very small school. Like 10-15 students in their class...the teachers are able to spend a little bit more time assisting the kiddos that seem to be struggling.

One thing I just remembered was that in our last parent/teacher conference was that the teacher was having issues with all of the students grasping the math they were doing. They did not have the basics down...blame the past teachers? Maybe. She pretty much took a month to rewind a bit and had them practicing some math fundamentals. I think that was a good move on her part.


Skinny

[acearrow]

I am a believer in holding them back, or at least a late start if they have a summer birthday. My wife was against starting my son later but our circumstances were such that we did wait a year before he started. In the long run, I was very glad we did. I have a grandson with a July birthday but couldn't talk him mom into holding off on starting him.

[TexasAg2002]

I was held back in the 4th grade due to the same reasons. Grades, age, and behavior. It was the bet thing my parents could have done for me in school.