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Old 05-15-2018, 12:11 AM   #1
Black Ice
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Default How do you tell your wife no?

My wife has been hinting about wanting a new house for the last couple of years and we have talked about it but I’ve kept pushing it off. We have looked at a few lots but the lots are expensive and building a house on those lots is crazy expensive. Now she is sending me Zillow links to houses on a weekly basis and I don’t think this is something I can continue to avoid.






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Old 05-15-2018, 12:15 AM   #2
bphillips
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I’m weird I just say no
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Old 05-15-2018, 12:20 AM   #3
Black Ice
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I’m weird I just say no


Does your wife make as much as you?

I should have said we both work and it’s more like a partnership and I don’t hold any of the cards when it comes to money.


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Old 05-15-2018, 12:23 AM   #4
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Does your wife make as much as you?

I should have said we both work and it’s more like a partnership and I don’t hold any of the cards when it comes to money.


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Nope but I’d still say no if I didnt want to do it yet. Doesn’t change the feeling and I’m not much for sugar coating
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Old 05-15-2018, 12:31 AM   #5
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Even though my wife works and makes decent money, I make the financial decisions. So if it was me I would just explain to her why I would or wouldn’t want to keep looking.
For your instance it might be beneficial to put together some numbers that show the added expenses and whether or not y’all are in a position to take on that added expense. Seeing the actual numbers may help her come to the same conclusion as you.
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Old 05-15-2018, 12:35 AM   #6
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Nope but I’d still say no if I didnt want to do it yet. Doesn’t change the feeling and I’m not much for sugar coating


I have no problem saying no but I’ve been known to be selfish. She rarely questions my expenses for hunting or fishing and lets me travel anywhere at anytime for those activities.


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Old 05-15-2018, 12:38 AM   #7
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I have no problem saying no but I’ve been known to be selfish. She rarely questions my expenses for hunting or fishing and lets me travel anywhere at anytime for those activities.


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My wife is the same way which makes it pretty easy to deal with. At the same time she is also very content with our house, vehicles and general lifestyle so that also helps.
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Old 05-15-2018, 12:40 AM   #8
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Even though my wife works and makes decent money, I make the financial decisions. So if it was me I would just explain to her why I would or wouldn’t want to keep looking.

For your instance it might be beneficial to put together some numbers that show the added expenses and whether or not y’all are in a position to take on that added expense. Seeing the actual numbers may help her come to the same conclusion as you.


I ran the numbers tonight on the home she wants with the current interest and down payment and it’s double what we currently spend.


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Old 05-15-2018, 12:43 AM   #9
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Have you talked to her about this particular thing and do you folks discuss financial plans?? I am not married so take this for what it's worth but it seems to me like to many people just don't sit down and talk about stuff like this. New is nice but is it really necessary?? You obviously don't believe the added expenditure is worth taking on at this time for a reason. Talk to her and don't let her get you in a hammock...

JK about the very last part
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Old 05-15-2018, 12:49 AM   #10
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Have you talked to her about this particular thing and do you folks discuss financial plans?? I am not married so take this for what it's worth but it seems to me like to many people just don't sit down and talk about stuff like this. New is nice but is it really necessary?? You obviously don't believe the added expenditure is worth taking on at this time for a reason. Talk to her and don't let her get you in a hammock...



JK about the very last part


Thanks for pouring salt on an old wound


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Old 05-15-2018, 01:10 AM   #11
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Thanks for pouring salt on an old wound
Need Tequila?

May be able to provide limes as well...
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Old 05-15-2018, 02:16 AM   #12
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I personally want to keep my house note less than 20% of my take home pay. This gives me plenty of room to make extra payments to principal and still maintain a lifestyle I want.

Depending on how your wife’s personality is I would either argue one of 2 things.
1. If she’s a “saver” person you can show her some of Dave Ramsey’s blogs on how much you should spend on a mortgage.

2. If she’s more of a “spender” you can show her all the extra money you’ll have in the budget to spend on fun things.
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Old 05-15-2018, 04:23 AM   #13
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Does your wife make as much as you?

I should have said we both work and it’s more like a partnership and I don’t hold any of the cards when it comes to money.


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You could just act like you have a set, and put your foot down.

And yes, my wife makes just as much as I do. But, my wife makes poor purchasing decisions based on emotion not reason. So, I keep her in check

Last edited by 12RingKing; 05-15-2018 at 04:26 AM. Reason: To add the smiley face so everyone knows I’m only half kidding
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Old 05-15-2018, 04:43 AM   #14
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Is this for real?

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Old 05-15-2018, 05:16 AM   #15
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I don't know how old you are, but I'm 47. I'm already looking towards retirement. At least from my first gig. I would try to sit down with her and crunch the numbers. Showing her that y'all can't go into y'all's golden years comfortable with such large purchase. I might even go see a Finincial Adviser. Hearing it from someone else sometimes helps. Good Luck!!
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Old 05-15-2018, 05:17 AM   #16
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What would be accomplished by moving to a more expensive home?

It’s only the 2 of y’all is it really needed or is this a keeping up the the Jones’s, status symbol type thing?


The wife and I made the decision together when we moved a couple years ago. We knew the added cost and both agreed it was worth it financially in the long run.


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Old 05-15-2018, 05:17 AM   #17
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Is this for real?
X2...I keep waiting for the punch line.
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Old 05-15-2018, 05:23 AM   #18
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See if she will settle for a new pop up on the lease instead Lol
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Old 05-15-2018, 05:27 AM   #19
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If she wants a new house and you want to stay happily married then you will end up with a new house.
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Old 05-15-2018, 05:27 AM   #20
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If you have no think about it , then you probably can't comfortably afford it.


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Old 05-15-2018, 05:46 AM   #21
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If she wants a new house and you want to stay happily married then you will end up with a new house.
My Dad ran into this problem back in the early 90's with my mom. She wanted a new house, my Dad wanted to pay off the one they had and retire early. He put his foot down, she left. He retired early 58, never remarried, just fished all the time. My mom's new husband is still working past 70, but they have a really nice house/pool/outdoor kitchen, koi pond with waterfall etc.....
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Old 05-15-2018, 05:50 AM   #22
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Why a new house? Why move? Family to big for the one you live in now?

I just say no.
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Old 05-15-2018, 05:50 AM   #23
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Well, first withhold sex from her for a few days..
Then, tell her straight up "not gonna happen, woman."
Then wake up from dream, buy new house, and live happily ever after.
Happy wife, happy life.

In all seriousness, communicate with her your concerns about $ and listen to her desires for a new home. I think the "why" may be important to her.

Finally, good luck on the new home build or purchase.
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Old 05-15-2018, 06:20 AM   #24
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If she wants a new house and you want to stay happily married then you will end up with a new house.
Wrong!
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Old 05-15-2018, 06:21 AM   #25
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The Sean Connery way.










and after i get out of the hospital, we build a house.
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Old 05-15-2018, 06:23 AM   #26
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My Dad ran into this problem back in the early 90's with my mom. She wanted a new house, my Dad wanted to pay off the one they had and retire early. He put his foot down, she left. He retired early 58, never remarried, just fished all the time. My mom's new husband is still working past 70, but they have a really nice house/pool/outdoor kitchen, koi pond with waterfall etc.....
That's awesome ! I hope to be in your dads situation one day too
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Old 05-15-2018, 06:24 AM   #27
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Wrong!
That's it ?
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Old 05-15-2018, 06:26 AM   #28
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My Dad ran into this problem back in the early 90's with my mom. She wanted a new house, my Dad wanted to pay off the one they had and retire early. He put his foot down, she left. He retired early 58, never remarried, just fished all the time. My mom's new husband is still working past 70, but they have a really nice house/pool/outdoor kitchen, koi pond with waterfall etc.....
And Dad lived happily ever after. Love the ending to that story!


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If she wants a new house and you want to stay happily married then you will end up with a new house.
How do you stay happily married when she made you do something you did not want to do and you have to work longer and harder?
I don't buy the happy wife happy life thing. I am in this marriage also and I count. Not just the money either.

Tell her we can't do it and thats that.
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Old 05-15-2018, 06:27 AM   #29
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That's it ?
Yes, it's not that difficult but I see some of you guys have made life really hard for yourselves lol. The OP even said his wife LETS him travel to go hunting. She LETS him??? WTH???
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Old 05-15-2018, 06:27 AM   #30
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And Dad lived happily ever after. Love the ending to that story!



How do you stay happily married when she made you do something you did not want to do and you have to work longer and harder?
I don't buy the happy wife happy life thing. I am in this marriage also and I count. Not just the money either.

Tell her we can't do it and thats that.
That's so cute....
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Old 05-15-2018, 06:33 AM   #31
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Go fetch your balls from her purse and tell her you don’t wanna move away from the hot lesbians in your neighborhood!

But record all this conversation and report back to us!

Last edited by Playa; 05-15-2018 at 06:37 AM.
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Old 05-15-2018, 06:39 AM   #32
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go fetch your balls from her purse and tell her you don’t wanna move away from the hot lesbians in your neighborhood!

But record all this conversation and report back to us!
:d
video or it didnt happen
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Old 05-15-2018, 06:41 AM   #33
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Yes, it's not that difficult but I see some of you guys have made life really hard for yourselves lol. The OP even said his wife LETS him travel to go hunting. She LETS him??? WTH???


It’s not my situation, I just knew you wanted to say more than you did.


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Old 05-15-2018, 06:42 AM   #34
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Pray on it.

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Old 05-15-2018, 06:43 AM   #35
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And Dad lived happily ever after. Love the ending to that story!







How do you stay happily married when she made you do something you did not want to do and you have to work longer and harder?

I don't buy the happy wife happy life thing. I am in this marriage also and I count. Not just the money either.



Tell her we can't do it and thats that.


Hahahahahahahaha that’s funny. Good luck with all that.


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Old 05-15-2018, 06:43 AM   #36
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I told my wife no and she spit her Copenhagen out and yelled at me. I told her that I aint makin no dang flower bed .

It sure is right purty though.
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Old 05-15-2018, 06:43 AM   #37
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I ran the numbers tonight on the home she wants with the current interest and down payment and it’s double what we currently spend.


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I think she lost sight of the goal if this is the case...keeping up with Jones maybe??

Show her a plan of putting the said overage into your current mortgage...you are pretty young & can tell you there is a great sense of weight lifted when the mortgage is paid and no debt.
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Old 05-15-2018, 06:47 AM   #38
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How do I tell my wife no? Get in my truck, drive to the next town over and send it in a text.
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Old 05-15-2018, 07:00 AM   #39
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Thought about having a discussion on the topic and making a joint decision? Telling your wife “because I said so” doesn’t work as well as it does on kids.

Just like in corporate leadership...”those who help plan the battle don’t battle the plan.”

Last edited by Buckley99; 05-15-2018 at 07:03 AM.
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Old 05-15-2018, 07:12 AM   #40
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We decided a long time ago that if we did not agree on whatever, then we did nothing. We also agreed that one party did not have to give a reason to the other. We just had to be in agreement. It takes maturity. Maturity in your relationship. Maturity in your decision making. Maturity equals trust.

I always sit and listen to my wife's why. But I need some time to mull it over and she knows that. Heck, we have been talking about getting me a new/new to me truck for about 2 yrs....we are in agreement but I am waiting for a better financial situation to work out.

oh look...what is that?
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Old 05-15-2018, 07:14 AM   #41
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Has she ever mentioned why she wants a new house? Would upgrades are remodels help her "want" for a new home? It doesn't get you out from spend money, but it could be much cheaper than a new home.
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Old 05-15-2018, 07:19 AM   #42
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Make a list of pros and cons for a new house and a list for current and future cash flow/savings/equity.

Weigh them against each other and does it fit the long term goals you both have.

Don't get emotional about it. It is just a house.
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Old 05-15-2018, 07:39 AM   #43
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Has she ever mentioned why she wants a new house? Would upgrades are remodels help her "want" for a new home? It doesn't get you out from spend money, but it could be much cheaper than a new home.


She wants a bigger closet, yard and bathroom. I wouldn’t mind having a little bit more yard.


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Old 05-15-2018, 07:51 AM   #44
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My wife has been hinting about wanting a new house for the last couple of years and we have talked about it but I’ve kept pushing it off. We have looked at a few lots but the lots are expensive and building a house on those lots is crazy expensive. Now she is sending me Zillow links to houses on a weekly basis and I don’t think this is something I can continue to avoid.






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Tell her Yes..... Only if the house is in TEXAS!!!

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Old 05-15-2018, 07:58 AM   #45
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Repeat after me "NO"
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Old 05-15-2018, 08:05 AM   #46
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Originally Posted by Buckley99 View Post
Thought about having a discussion on the topic and making a joint decision? Telling your wife “because I said so” doesn’t work as well as it does on kids.

Just like in corporate leadership...”those who help plan the battle don’t battle the plan.”
Good idea!
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Old 05-15-2018, 08:07 AM   #47
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She wants a bigger closet, yard and bathroom. I wouldn’t mind having a little bit more yard.


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These are actually reasonable desires. So shop for a home that has all that but is in the same price range as the home you have now. Obviously, that will probably involve moving to a different neighborhood... Best of luck to you folks
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Old 05-15-2018, 08:07 AM   #48
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Originally Posted by Buckley99 View Post
Thought about having a discussion on the topic and making a joint decision? Telling your wife “because I said so” doesn’t work as well as it does on kids.

Just like in corporate leadership...”those who help plan the battle don’t battle the plan.”
This. Big financial decisions need to be made together. My humble $.02.
On a side note I enjoy seeing you guys tell us how you hike up your britches, put your foot down and say “No woman! Now make me a sandwich!” I imagine these types of conversations rarely go down like this !
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Old 05-15-2018, 08:08 AM   #49
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Quote:
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Thought about having a discussion on the topic and making a joint decision? Telling your wife “because I said so” doesn’t work as well as it does on kids.

Just like in corporate leadership...”those who help plan the battle don’t battle the plan.”
If y'all decide on a house you both want, who knows? Might end up with one somewhere that it could have a feeder and bowstand in the back yard.
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Old 05-15-2018, 08:13 AM   #50
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She wants a bigger closet, yard and bathroom. I wouldn’t mind having a little bit more yard.


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Have you thought about maybe saying yes? Just cause its double your current house note doesn't make it unattainable. Heck my first house note was $700/month. lol

I make the money, i win the races, but we make decisions together to make us both happy. Maybe you dont want the bigger house payment because you know it will cut into "your" hunting fishing funds. Give and take.

If you think it might put yall into a financial bind i say tell her that and make your case clear. Most all divorces are do to financial struggles. Stress that to her. A big closet wont sooth the wounds of constant money fights.

I say pray on it like stated above. (and good luck cause they always win LOL)
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