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Old 04-05-2017, 03:35 PM   #51
Voodoo
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I guess it really depends on what the reason for the seperation is before determining any other involvement. Examples below:

Infidelity
Hormones
Mental Illness
B-Word or A-Hole

By going to counseling with her, y'all would be taking sides.

In most cases it takes a lot of work to be together for four decades, sometimes it runs its course.

You should explain to both of them the impact it has on y'all. Another words, handle their own crap both financially and emotionally until its a done deal.

Very Important:

"so (non-confrontational) that whatever the problem was becomes twice as bad because he won't address the problem and just lets it fester."

Do you know what that really means?

It means the person doesn't give a **** enough to care to confront it or is using it for punishment. Being non-confrontational in such matters is a negative and huge insight into the mindset of the person eventhough this type of person will make it out to folk that its a plus. It is often a characteristic of a sociopath.

The fact he didn't call for a daughters birthday and the not answering the phone indicates histrionic and controlling behavior, two more characteristics of a sociopath (organized).

This doesn't absolve the mom from some sort of personality disorder because many times they attract. You didn't have much to say about her.

Because of this ^^^^^ parties could be in danger even if the person seems meek.

Good luck fella!

Last edited by Voodoo; 04-05-2017 at 04:13 PM.
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Old 04-05-2017, 04:06 PM   #52
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Prayer for you and your family. I know its never easy dealing with this stuff.

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Old 04-05-2017, 04:24 PM   #53
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I think it's a HORRIBLE idea to put both of them in the same room together. Nothing good will come from that I can 98% GUARANTEE that. Well unless you're one of those people that like to but 2 wasps in a jar and then shake the hell out of the jar.


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I read every word on this thread. Ragin has made a couple of reall good comments that i cannot improve on.

I will say this. Dad is still family, the mom is still family but the wife...Your wife is Life. Be there for her, support her, stay by her side, give her what she needs.

Mom need to talk with a lawyer. She need to hear the options from an outside professional. I think that alone will help her she regain her strength.

Last but not least, Prayers. I do not think it will heal this relationship, but it might...JUST MIGHT.......easy the pain of all those involved.
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Old 04-05-2017, 04:28 PM   #54
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Id say something to the Dad for not talking to the Daughter on her Bday - That is all I would discuss.

Good luck to you and your Wife in dealing with the situation and remaining peaceful.
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Old 04-05-2017, 05:22 PM   #55
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That isn't your place to be bringing up any money issues with a father in law. That is for him and the wife to discuss during their divorce proceedings. They didn't consult with you when they were racking up the debt. If I was the FIL I would tell you something nice if you came to me telling me about my business. Support your wife and I would stay out of it financially. That is grown folks who need to deal with their own issues. It's a reason they're In the shape their in.
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Old 04-05-2017, 06:14 PM   #56
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If you get involved, you will be neck deep in it real quick! Just be prepared for it. Im of the opinion, help where you can, other than that, support your wife. I would however go talk to you FIL. You never did say why there is so much hurt. Obviously this is the problem, talk to your FIL about getting that particular thing, forgiven.

Offer no opinions to your wife unless she asks.

Prayers up for you and yours. You sir are doing the correct thing by seeking Divine guidance, that really is all you need.
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Old 04-05-2017, 09:38 PM   #57
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my MIL does have an attorney. she can't talk to the attorney everyday, though, at $300/hour, so she was calling my wife and venting, worrying, explaining how she's hurt, confused, unsettled, etc. Now, that has slowed down big time, since my wife is trying to put in some boundaries since it was bringing her down big-time to hear about this for an hour almost every night. I'm very proud of her for standing up for own mental well-being and knowing that she can't help her mom that much anyways (she needs to go to counseling, but we'll see if she thinks she can "afford to take 1 hour off work a week" because that's her reason for not doing so).

I don't plan on talking to my FIL about the money until it becomes clear that they'll soon miss a major payment unless my wife and I loan/donate money to pay the bill and avoid getting behind on the mortgage, car payment, etc. It'll be simple, something like, a little small talk and then "we (your daughter and I) are going to have to pay your mortgage or let you miss the payment and maybe start the foreclosure process. can you help pay it? are you okay with us paying it? your wife can't afford it, so we need to try to find a solution because the worst thing that could happen to y'all financially is to lose that house (your biggest asset) ... what do think we (all of us) should do about this, sir?" something along those lines but more conversational, of course.
I can't see myself being okay paying their bills without first at least letting my FIL know that we (his kids) are having to pay his bills. If he says too bad I can't afford it, that's ok but at least he is aware of it. I don't want to pay a bill that isn't mine just because both parties refuse to communicate at all. If we could find a way to get them in mediation or something it'd be great, but my FIL just doesn't care at all and my MIL is not a leader and probably won't take charge enough to force him to the compromising table any time soon, at least that's my opinion on the situation.

She does have a lawyer, not sure if my FIL does yet but he should by now I'd think, he has basically just dropped off the face of the earth and only communicates with my brother-in-law a little bit but doesn't say much of importance or my BIL is too loyal to him to tell us much of what he's heard. either way, FIL seems to have no interest in my wife (his daughter) or getting this divorce done quickly and fairly (he's just dragging his feet on everything) ... his actions appear very selfish (or maybe worse) to my wife and I, but its difficult to know what to expect from my FIL on any of these things since we have had zero communication with him.

Last edited by rattler03; 04-05-2017 at 09:53 PM.
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Old 04-05-2017, 09:50 PM   #58
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If he won't talk to his wife of 40 years why would he speak to you? Honest question
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Old 04-05-2017, 09:55 PM   #59
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Doesn't sound like it would be a bad idea for you and your wife to sit down with BOTH of them together. Sounds like they aren't fighting amongst each other, maybe they can be civil and work out the money aspect of the deal. As far as counseling, IF you are helping with the money, and I'm not saying it to be held over her head, but insist she goes to counseling, in a non confrontational way. Maybe offer your wife to go with her a couple times, it may be a little less intimidating. As was stated before, talk to the Dad. He may need it more than her.

Good advice. But she still may not go. You can't force her. Get her a good lawyer. Dad has to pay some of those bills. If his name is on a note, he's liable for it too.
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Old 04-05-2017, 10:08 PM   #60
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If you get involved, you will be neck deep in it real quick! Just be prepared for it. Im of the opinion, help where you can, other than that, support your wife. I would however go talk to you FIL. You never did say why there is so much hurt. Obviously this is the problem, talk to your FIL about getting that particular thing, forgiven.

Offer no opinions to your wife unless she asks.

Prayers up for you and yours. You sir are doing the correct thing by seeking Divine guidance, that really is all you need.
I believe the hurt/pain is because my FIL has been an a-hole husband for the last 3 years at least, and showed no interest in his wife, ignored and avoided her, slept upstairs, etc. And, then when she confronted him about it the last time 6ish weeks ago, he said nothing, left the house in the morning a few days later with a few essentials and never spoke one word to his wife of 39 years about leaving and giving up on the marriage.

Now, he had plenty of reason to leave and to be unhappy in his marriage because my MIL is probably the most nagging wife I've ever seen by a large margin, the poor guy could never do anything right. So, eventually he just quit trying and "checked out" which resulted in the above behaviors that hurt his wife.

The real problem is that they never actually addressed any of their issues, they would argue a bit, she'd probably blame him for everything and not take responsibility for her part (that's my opinion based on what I've seen/heard), he'd leave the room and withdraw and things would never get resolved (my wife has been explained these situations by her mother so its a one-sided explanation).

I'm sure it appears that my FIL is an a-hole or a bad guy, but honestly he was just stuck in a miserable marriage and didn't address the issues in his marriage or his own life and allowed it to get to such a bad situation as the one I've explained in this thread. I hope he finds happiness in life after this marriage ends, I really do, he's not a bad person IMO.
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Old 04-05-2017, 10:12 PM   #61
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If he won't talk to his wife of 40 years why would he speak to you? Honest question
because I wasn't the one he was unhappily married to for at least the last 11 years that I've known them. she was horrible about nagging him and complaining about him (see above reply to legacy where I explain things a little bit better)
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Old 04-05-2017, 10:17 PM   #62
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To start, I read your original post and only a couple others so that I could provide my thoughts without agreeing or disagreeing with other advice given. My in laws are in a big money situation involving siblings from my father in laws side. This has been going on for 4+ years and I have been a listener first and provide mostly thoughts with an unbiased opinion and occasional biased opinions when needed. In doing so I have became "the rock" for my in laws and the closest brother. I believe a man at any age needs a listener/ ear to talk to and at some point the relationship will change to where you know that you are the ear that matters the most and your thoughts are greatly needed and appreciated. After 4 years of this I have found myself at times being the mediator between the confrontational family members. I believe it can happen this way for you by talking with both of your wife's parents. I to am a stoic man that will hold it in and yes I have a friend that I lean on as my rock. My thoughts - providing money to your mother in law has only a small risk of creating animosity with your father in law. Yes talk to both your wife and mother in law at the same time about helping with money. You are both young and will have plenty of time to make up for the money you provide for her. Being your father in laws rock may help him come around to provide financial help for the woman he spent the majority of his life with. This won't be quick so plan for several years of going through this and hopefully your wife can find the path to being happy and forgiving.
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Old 04-05-2017, 10:34 PM   #63
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Originally Posted by Atfulldraw View Post
you need to ask yourself one question.

Do you want a divorce?

Because that's how you get a divorce......



and by that I mean you are pretty much screwed, no matter what.

Keep your head down and your mouth shut.
Go back to work, do whatever you need to do to support your wife.
Don't get involved.
Don't argue with your wife about anything right now.

It's just money.

The only thing more expensive than a divorce is two divorces.
^^^ Now this is an accurate statement. "mouth shut" is especially important.
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Old 04-06-2017, 12:34 AM   #64
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because I wasn't the one he was unhappily married to for at least the last 11 years that I've known them. she was horrible about nagging him and complaining about him (see above reply to legacy where I explain things a little bit better)
You're missing the point. If he won't speak to his wife who he took vows to marry he surely doesn't want to talk to a son in law.
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Old 04-06-2017, 05:23 AM   #65
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When you start "floating" money things can get bad between you two. Be sure your on guard about that. Protect your own relationship first, and yes, help your mil when possible. Pray brother.
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Old 04-06-2017, 08:43 AM   #66
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Sounds like they need to put the house up for sale and settle their debts. He doesn't want it and she doesn't need it and can't afford it. Time to live within their means.
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Old 04-06-2017, 09:28 AM   #67
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Default No advice, just an observation.

You can't fix any of this.

Advice: Be supportive of your wife (as you are now).

One more observation: Time will probably take care of these problems, but it's going to be hard on all until that time passes.


Sad.
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Old 04-06-2017, 09:43 AM   #68
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I don't plan on talking to my FIL about the money until it becomes clear that they'll soon miss a major payment unless my wife and I loan/donate money to pay the bill and avoid getting behind on the mortgage, car payment, etc.
I recommend reading the book "Boundaries" and soon. Like right now.
Your in-laws' fiscal responsibilities are just that - THEIR responsibilities. If they miss a payment, major or not, there will be consequences. If they get behind on the car payment, there will be consequences. Is is not your job to shield them from these consequences or to prevent them from happening.

It's called "adulting", even though I can't hardly stand it when people (usually younger than me) use this word, as if they were the first people in history to take care of their business. If your mother in law has stuff she can't afford now (like a big 'ol empty house with several recent upgrades), she needs to go through the process of realizing that her life is different and she needs to sell some things and simplify. If your father in law insists on acting like an emotion-constipated child, he needs some life-lessons to unclog that mess. THEY NEED CONSEQUENCES in order to force them to make better decisions, just exactly like raising children. If you keep them from experiencing consequences (footing the bill for their mistakes), then you have become part of the problem.

I'm sorry if this is too frank and seems heartless, but you asked for advice. Please read these words with my best intentions at heart. Your situation blows, there is no doubt about that. But there are ways of making it much, much worse than it has to be. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE THE "MAN" IN THIS SITUATION. There already is "The Man", even if he isn't acting like it. Let the adults reap what they've sown.
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Old 04-06-2017, 09:48 AM   #69
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I am surprised that no one has mentioned a lawyer! At least (the Mom) needs to consult a lawyer and they can file for temporary support for her. Sounds like she needs it. Just because you get a lawyer doesn't mean divorce is immanent and it can help her financially so you do not have to.
This ^^^ and I would stay wayyyyy clear of both of them until the smoke clears. I aint saying abot your situation but if I were wearing your shoes, I would tell me "This aint none of my business". Situations like this can get super ugly, super fast.
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Old 04-06-2017, 10:13 AM   #70
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I recommend reading the book "Boundaries" and soon. Like right now.

Your in-laws' fiscal responsibilities are just that - THEIR responsibilities. If they miss a payment, major or not, there will be consequences. If they get behind on the car payment, there will be consequences. Is is not your job to shield them from these consequences or to prevent them from happening.



It's called "adulting", even though I can't hardly stand it when people (usually younger than me) use this word, as if they were the first people in history to take care of their business. If your mother in law has stuff she can't afford now (like a big 'ol empty house with several recent upgrades), she needs to go through the process of realizing that her life is different and she needs to sell some things and simplify. If your father in law insists on acting like an emotion-constipated child, he needs some life-lessons to unclog that mess. THEY NEED CONSEQUENCES in order to force them to make better decisions, just exactly like raising children. If you keep them from experiencing consequences (footing the bill for their mistakes), then you have become part of the problem.



I'm sorry if this is too frank and seems heartless, but you asked for advice. Please read these words with my best intentions at heart. Your situation blows, there is no doubt about that. But there are ways of making it much, much worse than it has to be. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE THE "MAN" IN THIS SITUATION. There already is "The Man", even if he isn't acting like it. Let the adults reap what they've sown.


Read this again! This is the best advice you can get.


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Old 04-06-2017, 11:40 AM   #71
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because I wasn't the one he was unhappily married to for at least the last 11 years that I've known them. she was horrible about nagging him and complaining about him (see above reply to legacy where I explain things a little bit better)
You can bet your butt there are two sides to this story and yall are just hearing one. His silence may well be admirable as he doesnt want to expose your wife to bad things about her mother.
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Old 04-06-2017, 04:03 PM   #72
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You can bet your butt there are two sides to this story and yall are just hearing one. His silence may well be admirable as he doesnt want to expose your wife to bad things about her mother.
Ding ding ding sometimes it's best to not say anything. Odd to me that a middle aged woman is working 2 jobs living above her means and you don't see why he left ? When you can't reason with someone you have to move on. It can be draining.
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Old 04-06-2017, 05:11 PM   #73
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By your own admission, the MIL is nagging and unappreciative. She's not going to suddenly change her ways. You haven't said how she treats your wife but I would guess she probably is not the same with her. My fear would be that without your FIL around, she would redirect that behavior to the next nearest target. That would be you. Your attempts to help could easily turn into complaints to your wife that you don't do enough. That's only a short hop, skip and a jump to "you are a bad husband too".
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Old 04-06-2017, 05:16 PM   #74
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Don't give them any money.

It's a slippery slope.

You're young. Save for retirement and your kids' education.
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Old 04-06-2017, 08:30 PM   #75
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This. Only thing I would do is remove myself from the situation. They're grown folks. Sounds mean I know but, they are grown.


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Old 04-06-2017, 08:46 PM   #76
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Prayers for all of youll.
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Old 04-06-2017, 10:12 PM   #77
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Sorry but I'm getting in late in this conversation. But, speaking from experience I left my wife of almost 30 years bc I was not happy. But, with that said, I knew exactly what it took to run the household. I supported the household for over 5 years before I legally divorced. I consider myself a stoic man. Therefore I take responsibility for my actions. With that said, your FIL should have the decency to know what his responsibilities are. The bills are not going away. To me the push should be to divorce and divide the owed debt. As hard as it is, don't support the separation. You can help after the fall out is settled. By helping now you are paying for both parties. Who are you really trying to support? My two cents worth. God bless! I hope things work out and everyone gets along.
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Old 04-07-2017, 05:08 AM   #78
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Originally Posted by Brazman View Post
I recommend reading the book "Boundaries" and soon. Like right now.
Your in-laws' fiscal responsibilities are just that - THEIR responsibilities. If they miss a payment, major or not, there will be consequences. If they get behind on the car payment, there will be consequences. Is is not your job to shield them from these consequences or to prevent them from happening.

It's called "adulting", even though I can't hardly stand it when people (usually younger than me) use this word, as if they were the first people in history to take care of their business. If your mother in law has stuff she can't afford now (like a big 'ol empty house with several recent upgrades), she needs to go through the process of realizing that her life is different and she needs to sell some things and simplify. If your father in law insists on acting like an emotion-constipated child, he needs some life-lessons to unclog that mess. THEY NEED CONSEQUENCES in order to force them to make better decisions, just exactly like raising children. If you keep them from experiencing consequences (footing the bill for their mistakes), then you have become part of the problem.

I'm sorry if this is too frank and seems heartless, but you asked for advice. Please read these words with my best intentions at heart. Your situation blows, there is no doubt about that. But there are ways of making it much, much worse than it has to be. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE THE "MAN" IN THIS SITUATION. There already is "The Man", even if he isn't acting like it. Let the adults reap what they've sown.
good points all the way around, thank you, sir
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Old 04-07-2017, 05:29 AM   #79
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You can bet your butt there are two sides to this story and yall are just hearing one. His silence may well be admirable as he doesnt want to expose your wife to bad things about her mother.
GarGuy hits the nail on the head with this observation. not very surprising that he'd be so right, though. I fully agree, I think Dad is (and has been for a long time) taking the high road and not getting into the blame game and not calling his daughter and talking bad about her mother. on the other hand, my MIL has been doing that very thing for quite a while now because she is almost emotionally dependent on others (my wife being one her biggest 3 confidants), but it doesn't mean much when you say "I know he's your father and y'all need to have a good relationship, but your Dad (insert something terrible he did to my MIL)..." So, yes, my FIL in a way has been being the bigger person by not sharing his frustrations with any of us, and I recognize and appreciate him for that.

I feel like if I pointed out to him that I had observed that behavior in him, it could be a good way to gain his confidence and let him know that we still love him and want a relationship with him. Families need good leaders, and most of the really awesome families that I know have a man that serves as their leader or at least the behind the scenes rock of the family ... I think if I could reach out to my FIL and let him know that I see how he's handled this difficult relationship/marriage and I appreciate his efforts to shield all of us from the worst of it, that it could be a bonding point between him and I. Maybe I could reach out and just check-in with him, and if the conversation started out okay I could mention my above observation and he'd come around to trusting me (he already does trust me) regarding this divorce and that would be a good thing for all of those involved.

I'm smart enough to know not to tell a grown man what he ought to do or shouldn't do, but just to reach out and re-open the lines of communication between us (my wife and I) and her dad sounds like it would be a good idea.
I think someone needs to reach out to him because I'm sure this is really hard on him and he could use hearing that we still love him and want a good relationship with him.
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Old 04-07-2017, 05:37 AM   #80
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Ding ding ding sometimes it's best to not say anything. Odd to me that a middle aged woman is working 2 jobs living above her means and you don't see why he left ? When you can't reason with someone you have to move on. It can be draining.
Yes, as an in-law I was amazed at how long he stuck around and put up with it. Nobody, except my MIL, would say that there was much of a relationship left to resurrect at this point. Maybe he could of done a better job of trying to fix it before it got to the past the point of repair, but for all I know he did try and he failed because it takes two. If my MIL wouldn't accept her share of the blame/responsiblilty in this failing marriage, how is he supposed to make it work.

If it sounds like I don't know why he left, then I must of not communicated that part of the situation very well. IMO he had every reason to leave, his marriage was miserable it was making him into a miserable person, and I think in the long run both of them will be happier because he finally left. I do think he owed it to his wife of 39 years to at least tell her that he was leaving and provide a bit more closure, but I'm not going to hold that against him because I wasn't wearing his shoes.
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Old 04-07-2017, 05:41 AM   #81
rattler03
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Originally Posted by Rush2Judge View Post
By your own admission, the MIL is nagging and unappreciative. She's not going to suddenly change her ways. You haven't said how she treats your wife but I would guess she probably is not the same with her. My fear would be that without your FIL around, she would redirect that behavior to the next nearest target. That would be you. Your attempts to help could easily turn into complaints to your wife that you don't do enough. That's only a short hop, skip and a jump to "you are a bad husband too".
I doubt this would happen in the first place, but if it did my wife would see right through it and would tell her mom to cut it out. My wife is a sharp lady, and she knows what's really going between her and I in our own marriage, and she knows her mom well enough to see though any comments like that if they ever were to happen. I appreciate your concern, but I'm not very worried about this even happening and if it did it wouldn't fool my wife in the least.
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Old 04-07-2017, 05:56 AM   #82
rattler03
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Sorry but I'm getting in late in this conversation. But, speaking from experience I left my wife of almost 30 years bc I was not happy. But, with that said, I knew exactly what it took to run the household. I supported the household for over 5 years before I legally divorced. I consider myself a stoic man. Therefore I take responsibility for my actions. With that said, your FIL should have the decency to know what his responsibilities are. The bills are not going away. To me the push should be to divorce and divide the owed debt. As hard as it is, don't support the separation. You can help after the fall out is settled. By helping now you are paying for both parties. Who are you really trying to support? My two cents worth. God bless! I hope things work out and everyone gets along.
Thanks for the response. This is the hardest part of it for me, I agree we can't let them get foreclosed on ... if that were to happen I might have my MIL living with me for pete's sake. But, I agree that my FIL should be the one fixing the problem of MIL not having the cash flow to pay all the bills. I think he'd definitely step in and pay if he could afford (I believe he could), but he isn't going to ask if his help is needed (it doesn't really matter whether he should ask or not because in reality he isn't going to go around asking if his help is needed, so that's a moot point).

So unless they start moving the divorce along legally and a lawyer can inform him that he needs to help with these bills, a family member is going to have to tell him about it. I don't see any way that I'd be okay paying a bill that I thought was partly his responsibility unless I knew he was aware of the needed money to make the payment, and he had said that he wouldn't help out. With the reality being that we are the only family members with the financial ability to help out in this type of situation, if I can't write the check without knowing that my FIL is aware that we (my wife and I) are now paying his bills, then someone is going to have to communicate the reality of their financial situation to him and it may just turn out to be me.

I hope it doesn't come to that, but that is basically a line in the sand for me. And, I don't think the guy is going to be mad that I came and told him about it before I spent my own money on their problem. He'd understand where I was coming from and respect it, whether he liked the fact that I brought it to his attention or not. He's a straight-shooter and responds better to people when they are direct about things, so I'm confident that I could have that conversation with him man-to-man and it wouldn't blow up in my face.

Last edited by rattler03; 04-07-2017 at 05:58 AM.
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Old 04-07-2017, 06:28 AM   #83
Smithwr
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Dont pay any bills, and dont allow her to move in, been there done that it WILL cause conflict with you and your wife.

If shes working 2 jobs then she can afford an apartment or something.
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Old 04-07-2017, 07:28 AM   #84
ranchdog
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I recommend reading the book "Boundaries" and soon. Like right now.
Your in-laws' fiscal responsibilities are just that - THEIR responsibilities. If they miss a payment, major or not, there will be consequences. If they get behind on the car payment, there will be consequences. Is is not your job to shield them from these consequences or to prevent them from happening.

It's called "adulting", even though I can't hardly stand it when people (usually younger than me) use this word, as if they were the first people in history to take care of their business. If your mother in law has stuff she can't afford now (like a big 'ol empty house with several recent upgrades), she needs to go through the process of realizing that her life is different and she needs to sell some things and simplify. If your father in law insists on acting like an emotion-constipated child, he needs some life-lessons to unclog that mess. THEY NEED CONSEQUENCES in order to force them to make better decisions, just exactly like raising children. If you keep them from experiencing consequences (footing the bill for their mistakes), then you have become part of the problem.

I'm sorry if this is too frank and seems heartless, but you asked for advice. Please read these words with my best intentions at heart. Your situation blows, there is no doubt about that. But there are ways of making it much, much worse than it has to be. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE THE "MAN" IN THIS SITUATION. There already is "The Man", even if he isn't acting like it. Let the adults reap what they've sown.
This
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Old 04-07-2017, 07:31 AM   #85
wal1809
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You can bet your butt there are two sides to this story and yall are just hearing one. His silence may well be admirable as he doesnt want to expose your wife to bad things about her mother.
Words to live by.^^^
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Old 04-07-2017, 07:35 AM   #86
wal1809
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Dont pay any bills, and dont allow her to move in, been there done that it WILL cause conflict with you and your wife.

If shes working 2 jobs then she can afford an apartment or something.
I learned this from experience. We took in my mo in law after she had a stroke. When it was time for her to go to a home(We could not take care of her) all government assistance (what she paid for in taxes her whole life)was refused. No doctor would sign saying she was a danger to herself so we had to live with it. That went on for 3 years and what her 800 a month SS didn't pay for so far as a daily caretaker, we had to foot that bill. It wasn't until we flooded we were able to get her to a home as we were all homeless at that point. The real point here is we are supposed to take care of each other but there are hidden traps in doing so. Divorces are huge traps that leave scars for everybody involved.
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