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LEO/Fire/EMS (funny things you've learned that you didn't think you would)

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    LEO/Fire/EMS (funny things you've learned that you didn't think you would)

    While patrolling around today I got to thinking about some of the funny crap I've learned while wearing this uniform. Here's some of them.

    - polyester is magic, it somehow does not allow a breeze to enter, unless of course it's 30 degrees outside and you're out directing traffic. I swear to God cold weather opens polyester's pores.

    - I don't understand how citizens know the exact timing of your bowel movements. They call for service as soon as you get sat down.

    - I have learned that we become masters at tucking our pants in from the zipper hole of our trousers.

    - I have learned everyone has a cop joke. If it's not "STRIPPERS!!!!" when we walk in, it's someone saying "I didn't do it, he did," or "I'm gonna have that cop take you to jail (to their children)."

    - Dispatchers are pretty much just there to test our patience, I'm pretty sure my unit's steering wheel has a permanent dent in it where I've hit it so many times.

    - Shows like CSI make our job harder, "no ma'am, cannot lift a print out of thin air like they do."

    - and...... Do lieutenant's actually do anything????

    I'm sure there are plenty more in Fire and EMS.

    Let's hear them.

    #2
    I have learned that there are WAY more stupid and incompetent people out there that I ever imagined.

    Comment


      #3
      Originally posted by flywise View Post
      I have learned that there are WAY more stupid and incompetent people out there that I ever imagined.
      That has nothing to do with your job. That is just a general observation!

      Comment


        #4
        Flywise, that is the absolute truth. I was joking with one of my old FTOs the other day and told him he had failed to train me on just how stupid some people can be. This was after I went to a domestic where a guy had bloodied his old lady's nose after an argument which started over her accidentally forgetting to remove the plastic from the slice of cheese when she made his sandwich.

        Comment


          #5
          Tones will drop in your area as soon as the food hits the table.

          Cops LOVE to drive Ambulances, and will actually laugh out loud if they can look in the rearview mirror and see you floating in mid-air.

          If you are dispatched to a Nose Bleed, it will be a code.
          If you are dispatched to a code, it will be a nose bleed.

          "I had no idea that _______________ would set the house on fire"

          Weight is proportionate to altitude, the bigger they are they higher up they live in the apartment complex.

          "What do you mean you dont do cat rescues?" followed by, Ma'am I've never seen a cat skeleton in a tree, fluffy will come down on her own, will get you an extremely evil look from an old lady.

          Any call at a nursing home will happen at shift change.

          Any call between 3AM and 6AM is either total BS, or totally life threatening. There is NO middle ground.

          The weekend of the 1st and 15th you WILL run shooting, stabbing, assault and domestic assault calls.

          Comment


            #6
            I have learned that some people will stay in the middle of the frickin road even when a giant red truck with lights and sirens going is right behind them... Chaps my *****

            Comment


              #7
              Also the tones always seem to drop after I eat Mexican food...

              Comment


                #8
                Originally posted by slomo View Post
                I have learned that some people will stay in the middle of the frickin road even when a giant red truck with lights and sirens going is right behind them... Chaps my *****
                Yeah, I've heard myself on recording cussing drivers while running code. Get the blank over!!! You blanking piece of blank, God blank!!! Hahahaha



                The Altitude and weight observation was freaking hilarious !! I literally laughed out loud.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by slomo View Post
                  I have learned that some people will stay in the middle of the frickin road even when a giant red truck with lights and sirens going is right behind them... Chaps my *****
                  When you are dispatched to a structure fire, there have been multiple callers and you can see smoke when you pull out of the station, people will swerve in front of you, slam on their breaks, make a left turn across 3 lanes of traffic, etc...

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by slomo View Post
                    Also the tones always seem to drop after I eat Mexican food...
                    The smart perps know know when we've just ate a huge double meat/double cheese add bacon hamburger, that's when they bolt from us the most. Hahaha. Almost ralphed on a suspect one night while cuffing him after a foot pursuit.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Originally posted by kfd82 View Post
                      When you are dispatched to a structure fire, there have been multiple callers and you can see smoke when you pull out of the station, people will swerve in front of you, slam on their breaks, make a left turn across 3 lanes of traffic, etc...
                      It seems that if you want to take 3/4 of someone's brain out of their head, throw it on the ground and stamp it into mush, all you have to do is erect a barricade and have them drive someplace else or turn on the red and blues behind them.

                      Good thread guys.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Originally posted by flywise View Post
                        I have learned that there are WAY more stupid and incompetent people out there that I ever imagined.
                        I think that comes with age. And it seems like EMS, fire and Law Enforcement just ages you faster.



                        ( I am none of those )

                        Comment


                          #13
                          I've learned that Murphy's Law was specifically meant for police and deer hunters. If something can go wrong, it will go wrong, and at the worst possible time.

                          I've learned that a crappy call is MUCH better to hear as long as it didn't happen on MY shift.

                          I have seen some hilarious stuff while inventorying a vehicle....we had a new guy who was doing a consent search on a female's vehicle. She was sitting on the curb right by the trunk watching the officer. He says, "Hey Sarge, I found a glass pipe." The Sgt looked at what he had in his hands and was like , Sgt said, "Well put your mouth on it and see if you can push air through it...." As the rook lifted it up, the female shouted, "NO!!!!! That's NOT a pipe!!!!"

                          It was a glass female pleasuring device. Lol

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Originally posted by Daniel75 View Post
                            I've learned that Murphy's Law was specifically meant for police and deer hunters. If something can go wrong, it will go wrong, and at the worst possible time.

                            I've learned that a crappy call is MUCH better to hear as long as it didn't happen on MY shift.

                            I have seen some hilarious stuff while inventorying a vehicle....we had a new guy who was doing a consent search on a female's vehicle. She was sitting on the curb right by the trunk watching the officer. He says, "Hey Sarge, I found a glass pipe." The Sgt looked at what he had in his hands and was like , Sgt said, "Well put your mouth on it and see if you can push air through it...." As the rook lifted it up, the female shouted, "NO!!!!! That's NOT a pipe!!!!"

                            It was a glass female pleasuring device. Lol
                            .....and I'm guessing she was no super model either, prolly the opposite, and I bet he still gets crap about that.

                            Also, a crappy call isn't so bad when you're not the primary, a supplement report doesn't take near as long as an offense.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Originally posted by UltraMaxNCV View Post
                              .....and I bet he still gets crap about that.

                              Also, a crappy call isn't so bad when you're not the primary, a supplement report doesn't take near as long as an offense.
                              Yep. You feel like a blue falcon while you're wishing that it's not in your district as the call comes out, especially if there's paper.

                              Comment

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