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Old 07-02-2018, 11:44 AM   #51
czechgrubworm
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OP - PM me for a private talk about this situation if you would like. I recently walked this walk and wouldn't change ONE thing about it..
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Old 07-02-2018, 11:47 AM   #52
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Originally Posted by 12RingKing View Post
Sounds to me like you found your way to God. Talk with your friend who helped you find your peace.
Exactly. He sends people into our lives for a reason. Stay in touch with this friend. Prayers up for you and your situation.
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Old 07-02-2018, 11:50 AM   #53
Dusty Britches
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Your story sounds like that movie - Fireproof. Do the Love Dare, be consistent, be devoted. Is she still leaves, it was God's plan. At least it will save you.
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Old 07-02-2018, 01:51 PM   #54
Hughiam
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No I didn't disappear and I have read everything posted. I have gone to a church last Sunday for the first time in over 10 years. I am seeking out counciling through a Christian based agency. And I prayed for guidance for the first time in I don't know how long.
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Old 07-02-2018, 02:10 PM   #55
cj_sandman
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You don't need to find God, he's already there whether you know it or not.

I used to feel like God probably wouldn't want to care about a guy like me, on account of all the wrong I've done.. so I didn't bother with prayer.

As I got older and had people in my life I cared about, I used to make prayer for them, but I still wouldn't ever pray for myself, because I didn't feel like I deserved anything from God.

Later on I talked to a friend who helped me understand that I was being prideful by not praying for myself. I finally understood what it meant to allow yourself to be weak in front of God. You have to ask God for the things you want and need in life. You have to ask God for his help. Ask God for his mercy. And he will carry you.

I've been through ups and downs, sometimes being closer to God than others. Sometimes I've lost my way and I forget about prayer completely. I try not to beat myself up about it, because as long as you realize you are one of God's creatures, whatever you're going through may just be part of his plan for you. God will not test you with more than you are capable of handling.

I hope you sit down and ask God for what you need. He is always listening.
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Old 07-02-2018, 02:12 PM   #56
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Hugh, I know you as a friend, and I was absolutely heartbroken to read your post! I know what your family means to you and I know you want to keep it together. Since we hunted together some years ago, that young son of yours (actually hers)... is probably all grown up, but still he too is an important part of your family and life, I hope.

There is a lot of good advice in this thread by some dear brothers and sisters in Christ. I suggest you read through this thread in detail and study what is posted. Indeed God loves you. He loves you enough that he gave His only son to die on a cross for your sins and mine. Your wife knows this, and being a "Southern girl", she likely is a "born again Christian woman"... The times I met her, she seemed to have a soft and true heart. Hopefully that is true to this day and even though you guys have relocated out of Texas since she had a bit of trouble with our "heat"... I'd ask that you also consider that she is separated by many miles and even a country from her upbringing, home and family. You (and her son maybe) are all she has. I pray that she hangs in there long enough to see you develop your relationship with God through his Son Jesus Christ... At first, I know it seems to be an overwhelming task and very intimidating... It can be just that, but once you go all in and just let Jesus be your guide and example of how to live, it's not overwhelming or intimidating at all.
What is most important is that this relationship with God is between YOU AND GOD. Though your wife is the love of your life, she is secondary to your relationship with God. It is God's desire that she be part of that relationship, but you are primary in that relationship. That comes first. Secondly, God has given husbands and wives very specific instructions in His Word, The Bible as to how our relationships are to be constructed.

Hugh, get yourself a Bible, preferably one of the modern translations that is easier to read. I'd suggest the NIV (New International Version), or NLT (New Living Translation) or similar. They are very accurately translated from original texts and written in today's modern English and thus much easier to read and understand for yourself. Get one, read it and God's own Holy Spirit will help you to understand it and reveal to you its meanings... The more you read and understand, the more the Holy Spirit will reveal to you. First of all ASK GOD to reveal His Word to you.

In the New Testament, the Book of Ephesians has some very specific instructions on relationships between wives and husbands. chapter 5 is especially helpful, but the Focus Verse to me is verse 25...

Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

This verse is PROFOUND to husbands because essentially what it says is that you as a husband must love your wife like Jesus Christ loved the church... What that means is that he gave up EVERYTHING in life for the Church, even submitted willingly to die on a cross to save the Church... His every moment was dedicated to the Church. Similarly, if you make that kind of commitment to your wife, regardless of what she does, God will work it for His Good. If she truly believes God's word and sees you leading and living by example regardless of the past, she will come to understand that "you mean business"... It will then be up to her to submit and live up to her part of the vows you two have taken. If you didn't get married by a religious ceremony performed by an ordained minister in the Christian faith, at some point, you will want to do that to consummate your marriage vows before God and men.

Hugh, friend know that once you decide to make the commitment to God and to live for Him, old Satan will hit you with everything he's got, but do not give in and do not waver. Keep your eyes on God and He will bring you through to His Glory.

I will pray for God's will in this for you. You let me know if you want to talk or whatever I can do to help.

The outcome of such a relationship between a man and a women when it is Christ-centered is described as chapter 5 ends...

Eph 5:31 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."
Eph 5:32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.
Eph 5:33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
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Old 07-02-2018, 02:56 PM   #57
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Hi Charlie, Thank you for that. Jason, her son and I had a falling out some years back. Too much to type, but I own much of the blame. I only recently reached out to him and am hopeful he reaches back. We also have a step daughter, who I have reconnected with as well. We have two children of our own now as well, Autumn is 11 and Greyson is 5. Autumn was just 2 or 3 when we were down there.
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Old 07-03-2018, 09:39 AM   #58
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continued prayers for restoration!
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Old 07-03-2018, 10:25 AM   #59
Buckwheat
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Im horrible with words but I agree with so much said here. I struggle a lot with my relationship with Christ. I never just walk away from him. But I have seasons where Iím ďcoldĒ and seasons when Iím ďhotĒ. I do try my best to talk to him daily. Even if itís for a few minutes. I was saved @ 19 yrs old. And I struggle. You will find what your looking for. The seed has been planted in your heart. You just have to nurture it. And let it grow.

I have learned over the years. I pray and ask for so much from him. Yes I have asked and gotten every time. But most of the time it wasnít what i asked for or thought I wanted. But he gave me what I needed. Even when it was NO.

Itís hard to turn away from the ways of the world. But the more you seek him. The more you learn about him. The less the world has a hold on you.

You canít seek him for someone else. You have to do it for YOU and only you. Like quitting a bad habit. You do it for someone else. More than likely you will return to it. But you do it for you. To better yourself. And you will stick to it.

Time away in quiet will do you good. No distractions. Plead with God. Talk to him. Open your heart and reveal you deepest and darkest secrets. And then be still and listen. He will lead you.

Iíll be praying for you brother and your wife.

May God do his amazing work in your life. May his heart be revealed to you and he move mountains in your life. Amen.






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Old 07-03-2018, 10:46 AM   #60
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Reading this thread brought this scripture and song to mind. You are on my prayer list brother!!

The Parable of the Lost Sheep
15 Now the tax collectors and sinners were all drawing near to hear him. 2 And the Pharisees and the scribes grumbled, saying, “This man receives sinners and eats with them.”
3 So he told them this parable: 4 “What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open country, and go after the one that is lost, until he finds it? 5 And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. 6 And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep that was lost.’ 7 Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.

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Old 07-03-2018, 11:04 AM   #61
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praying for you man, thank you for stepping out on the skinny branch. God is already working through you.
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Old 07-13-2018, 11:37 PM   #62
LukeDuke
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More prayers for Hugh...hope you are finding some peace and answers in a tough time
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Old 07-13-2018, 11:51 PM   #63
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Just read thru this thread again, and wanted to say something else that I think so many of us men have questions about, and that is prayer. I can only speak for myself, but I used to struggle with how to pray. I thought it had to be eloquent, articulate, whatever description you want to use, before it was "worthy" of God. But I had an old preacher man change my mind on that. He told me "talk to God just like you would talk to anyone else. Don't change a single thing about it, be as blunt as you need to be to get your feelings out to Him. He knows you better than you know yourself". Ya know, it became easier to talk with every "conversation" that we had. What started as a rant/vent session, slowly changed into a conversation where I would talk to God just the same as I talk to anyone else.

Maybe this doesn't make sense, but I hope it does. Praying for peace and strength for you and your wife
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Old 07-14-2018, 09:39 PM   #64
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TxDispatcher View Post
Just read thru this thread again, and wanted to say something else that I think so many of us men have questions about, and that is prayer. I can only speak for myself, but I used to struggle with how to pray. I thought it had to be eloquent, articulate, whatever description you want to use, before it was "worthy" of God. But I had an old preacher man change my mind on that. He told me "talk to God just like you would talk to anyone else. Don't change a single thing about it, be as blunt as you need to be to get your feelings out to Him. He knows you better than you know yourself". Ya know, it became easier to talk with every "conversation" that we had. What started as a rant/vent session, slowly changed into a conversation where I would talk to God just the same as I talk to anyone else.

Maybe this doesn't make sense, but I hope it does. Praying for peace and strength for you and your wife
We did a bible study in our arena group at my cowboy church. It was called the circle maker. A book and video to accompany it. Check it out. It's cheap. It changed the way we all pray and made things easier in that aspect.

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Old 07-14-2018, 10:47 PM   #65
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hughiam View Post
No I didn't disappear and I have read everything posted. I have gone to a church last Sunday for the first time in over 10 years. I am seeking out counciling through a Christian based agency. And I prayed for guidance for the first time in I don't know how long.


Sounds like you are on the right track. God bless you.
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Old 07-24-2018, 10:34 AM   #66
Rack Ranch
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Just letting you know people are still thinking about and praying for you. Hope your listening to God's guidance. Ephesians 5:25 reads Husbands, love your wives as Christ himself loves the Church.
I'm on my second marriage and was divorced after 16 years of marriage because I wasn't living a Christ centered life. The good news is, even if your marriage is to late to save, Our God is full of Grace and will give you a another chance. I rededicated my life to God after my divorce and once God saw this, he brought me an Angel, and I married her.

Last edited by Rack Ranch; 07-24-2018 at 10:49 AM.
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Old 07-24-2018, 10:39 AM   #67
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The Anchor Holds / Ray Boltz

www.youtube.com/watch?v=FL112E3NjqU

I have journeyed through the long dark night
Out on the open sea, by faith alone
Sight unknown; and yet His eyes were watching me
The anchor holds
Though the ship is battered
The anchor holds
Though the sails are torn
I have fallen on my knees as I face the raging seas
The anchor holds in spite of the storm
I've had visions, I've had dreams
I've even held them in my hand
But I never knew they would slip right through
Like they were only grains of sand
The anchor holds
Though the ship is battered
The anchor holds
Though the sails are torn
I have fallen on my knees as I face the raging seas
The anchor holds in spite of the storm
I have been young but I'm older now
And there has been beauty these eyes have seen
But it was in the night, through the storms of my life
Oh, that's where God proved His love for me
The anchor holds
Though the ship's been battered
The anchor holds
Though the sails are torn
I have fallen on my knees as I face the raging seas
The anchor holds in spite of the storm
I have fallen on my knees as I face the raging seas
The anchor holds in spite of the storm
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Old 07-24-2018, 10:46 AM   #68
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IMO You need to get yourself in a Bible believing church and surround yourself with a loving church family . Then just expect a change to come because it will ...
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Old 07-24-2018, 11:03 AM   #69
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I certainly am not anyone you want to model you life after but me and my wife went through a rough patch mainly because of me harboring discontent about some things. Every single time I would start to have a negative feeling about her I would ask god to please take that feeling away and replace it with love and understanding.

I still do it but theres not nearly as many negative thoughts anymore, so in turn I am a happier person overall, she feeds off that positive energy and we both lift each other up because of it. Praying does not have to be head bowed everyone in silence. Talk to god like hes right there beside you, because he is. In the truck, on the couch, in your deer blind. Everywhere.
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Old 07-24-2018, 11:12 AM   #70
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You don't have to find God he is already with you, hard part is learning to listen to God. Start reading a daily devotional, maybe find a weekly bible study. You said you felt peace with your friend then these things can help too. Find a Church, it is great to have Church family that you can lean on and find comfort in. She will see the change in you because you will change and become a better man. Prayers up my friend.
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Old 07-24-2018, 12:05 PM   #71
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Praying for you Hugh!
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Old 07-24-2018, 12:45 PM   #72
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I'm not sure I am qualified to give advice yet, but I can tell you how I found God. I remember like it was yesterday and was as real as my hand in front of me.

I was in a big time slump, or at least I thought I was between high school and college. I had family troubles that pushed me out of the house (voluntarily) and I ran around lost ,confused and alone for a few years. I contemplated just ending it all. Ended up in the back pasture of the ranch (my favorite place) in the back of my pickup truck, staring up at the stars when it happened. It felt like someone had just...wrapped me up in some sort of good-feely, warm blanket sorta thing and I felt like, someone was telling me 'its ok, you are loved".

I don't know how to explain it, but those feelings of Safety-off and depression all just went away and I felt so at ease that I busted out in tears of thankfulness. It was my rock bottom and He picked me up. Everything that I was going through just seemed so minuscule, so juvenile, so selfish and I gained clarity in what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be. I realized that I couldn't control others, but I could control myself and my actions. I poured out he whiskey, put away my stuff and went back to camp in happy tears.

I'll never forget the feeling the next morning when I woke up, it was like I was re-born and was able to separate emotions from my decisions, big picture thinking. I went to school and shortly after, I met my now-wife who was brought up in the church. I still believe God sent me my own personal angel to keep me in line.

I chat with the big-guy everyday, all day, and even though life throws some real fun trouble my way, we just brush it off and move forward. When in doubt, just give it ALL to Him to make the call. Jesus, take the wheel kind of stuff.

That's my story, and I don't care what anyone says. God is real!!

Last edited by Chuy; 07-24-2018 at 12:47 PM.
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Old 07-24-2018, 01:34 PM   #73
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Prayers up for you today
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Old 07-24-2018, 01:36 PM   #74
huntingtx
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"how do you find God?"
All you have to do is ask for forgiveness of your sins and ask God to be the lord of your life.

How did you keep the faith so to speak?
Find a church that teaches straight from the Bible and start attending. A great website to read more is gotquestions.org

Try to make amends with your wife, but your relationship is more important with God then anyone. I know that's tough to hear, but if you work on your relationship with God, all of your other relationships will be better. If she sees you working on your walk with Christ, she might just see you're a changed man.

I'm praying for you!
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Old 07-24-2018, 01:52 PM   #75
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Hugh,
You are a blessed man to have as many people praying for you as are evidenced by the responses in this thread.
Similarly, you are blessed to have such godly advice being offered.
However, while many great suggestions are offered about Christian marriage counseling, books, Bible studies, Bible believing churches, etc., I don't perceive from your comments that you have yet reached the point of placing your full faith in Christ.
I would think that much of that other stuff may be premature if you haven't yielded the throne of your life to the True King.
Much of 'religion' is based on behavior modification, rather than life transformation. And behavior modification is shallow, temporary, and subject to change.
However, the life transformation Jesus offers is eternal and enables you to become a new man (even though, like me, you will tend to drag the old you around on a regular basis).
Seek out the man you dealt with (or a pastor) to help you walk the path towards Christ.
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