Men, i need help please

[d_e_smith]

I thought I was dating the perfect one for about 5 years.....as it turns out, if we would have gotten married when we had kind of planned on it, instead of letting her finish school, we would have been divorced in less than a year. As it turned out, she had a problem with being faithful, so I crawled off in a bottle for a while, yet somehow had a really great time. lol, I actually got back with her for a short period, only to cheat on her like crazy (still kept it to myself b/c I wanted her to be the one to always feel like an ***). And the girl who got to see me go through all that mess and preached to me and told me on a pretty regular basis that I was an *** b/c of what I was doing during "round 2" is the one that I am tying the knot with. It is really funny how things turn out. We work well together and mess up about equally on the little things, it's the harrassing and joking about it afterwards instead of the fighting and arguing that helps things out.......and the fact I should never be without a place to hunt.

[SlingShot]

1. you'll never do everything right. just as in life so in a marriage mistakes will be made..it;s the learning from them that counts in the end.

2.they understand us way better than we do them. pondering over it will just give you a migraine.

3. she may not always be right but she'll never be wrong. accept it.

4. find a middle ground and go from there.. compromise is key on both sides

5. always treat her with love and kindness and be aware words are like bullets once let fly they cant be taken back in the end.

[hrdwrkncwby76]

^^^^ ALL wise words of wisdom to live by from everyone posted above. I'm on round 3 myself and have been through some very tuff times. If you take one thing from any of these "mentors" PLEASE take the communication part seriously as it will save your arse many times over but it has to be HONEST communication not bs.

[Problem Child]

She might be the right one for you, but are you the right one for her? Some of these guys have mentioned your age, grow up and other things.. I'm 45 yrs old, I've been married to the same wonderful woman for 25 yrs. and we have three great kids. She is my best friend and I am her best friend. Both of you have to be right for each other for things to work right. I have heard my entire life that you have to give 100% in a marriage......marriage has to be a 50/50 deal. you give 50%..you get 50%...if you are giving 100% of the time it means that you are not getting anything in return. If she is right for you the little things that she does not get right will not bother you. If you are right for her the little things that you do not get right will not bother her, One of the keys is to ALWAYS HONOR HER and RESPECT HER. Good luck guy growing up is hard, but when you get my age or older you'll know it was worth all of it!!!

[RdRdrFan]

I know that there are alot of folks on here who got married young. I personally don't think any man should get married until he is at least 28. Nowdays it seems like it is taking longer for folks to truly grow up and "find themselves" (ie, become who they really are). For the women I think that number is AT LEAST 25. So my advice to you is to wait. If it is right then she will understand.

I have a question for you. On the things that you are continually screwing up on, is it something that you really know deep inside that you shouldn't be doing when you are doing it? If so it sounds like you have an issue with selfishness. You love yourself and your wants and needs more than you love her and her wants and needs.

One thing I know for sure is that if I love my wife and do everything in my power to fulfill her wants and more importantly her needs then she will willing do the same for me.

[alien77721]

Ah......advice. Let me give you my advice. Be a man. Don't be a push over. Stand your ground if you are right. Being nice just to please her will get you no where in the long run. She'll lose respect for you. God has placed you as the head of your household. This does not mean that you should abuse your position. Rather, realize that God has given YOU the responsibility to protect, provide, and most importantly LEAD your family. Take the reigns as that man and ask God to guide you and give you wisdom. Be ready to make mistakes, to admit to them, and to learn from them and move on. And as Winston Churchill said at a college graduation, "NEVER GIVE UP. NEVER GIVE UP. NEVER GIVE UP."

[rtarcher]

Put her needs above your needs. Listen to her with open ears. Do not try to fix anything unless she asks for it to be fixed. Approach your relationship with her from a biblical perspective. Join a young couples group at your church. Pray. Good luck!

Todd

[trjones87]

Are you committed to her, engaged, etc.? I am 43 and went to college for 11 years. School is important, if she understands that, great. Also, I did not really settle down until I finished school. I was 30. You do not have to be that old yourself. You will know it in your heart.

Is your bow the last bow you ever want to shoot in your life since it, your woman, will be the last string you get to fondle?

Is she a christian, and yourself, since you need to get right with God in your relationship or things won't work out right? Does she mind that you hunt and does she hunt?

Face it man we are simple creatures and women are way complicated, you will never make them totally happy, Relationships(marriage) are like making mashed potatoes, you put them together and mash them to a pulp till you can not tell one from the other. You will die to yourself. Sacrifices will be made, do she want kids and do you? Can you support them? Do you get along with her family? What kind of work does she do? Will either require travel, etc?

There are too many things here to list. I have been married for 13 years. I love my wife and have 4 kids. I tell you it still takes work everyday. It is the hardest job you will ever do and hate to love and love to hate. It is rewarding though when the Lord sends the right woman your way. If you trust in him in all your ways and hear his still small voice, he will tell you what to do. A few minor thoughts and words from an old bull sittin on the side of a hill chewin his cud.

both christians
she loves that i hunt
we want kids, but no immediately
i already have a great job at a fortune 500 company lined up
she wants to go into CPS

[trjones87]

I know that there are alot of folks on here who got married young. I personally don't think any man should get married until he is at least 28. Nowdays it seems like it is taking longer for folks to truly grow up and "find themselves" (ie, become who they really are). For the women I think that number is AT LEAST 25. So my advice to you is to wait. If it is right then she will understand.

I have a question for you. On the things that you are continually screwing up on, is it something that you really know deep inside that you shouldn't be doing when you are doing it? If so it sounds like you have an issue with selfishness. You love yourself and your wants and needs more than you love her and her wants and needs.

One thing I know for sure is that if I love my wife and do everything in my power to fulfill her wants and more importantly her needs then she will willing do the same for me.

usually it is my selfishness, not in huge ways but in small ways. this stuff is alot harder than i coulda ever imagined

[Tmag]

You are answering your own question. When she becomes more important to you than you are you will be close. Set up a meeting with your Pastor and begin the journey.

[getoutside]

Communicate with honesty - always
Marriage is a covenant - no matter what she does, you should always love her
Be the head of the household, but don't abuse it or be-little her
Make sure she's a best friend and that you can always smile, laugh and joke
I'm 32, been married to my high school sweetheart since I was 22, have 2 kids one on the way and we still have a great time everyday

[Bucks&Broadheads]

Tyler, Tyler, Tyler....

I know what you're going through, I met my wife when I was 21 and was married by the time I was 22. Dying to your own flesh can be the most difficult thing in world. We are all selfish, but being married will change that (especially when you have kids!). Since you're both Christians, she doesn't care if you go hunting, you both want kids and you already have a job lined, sounds like you're at a point where you're ready to make that leap. Just remember marriage is like anything else, if you want it to be good, you have to work at it. I believe there is a simple test that can answer the question of whether your marriage will work or not. Find a day when you've been sitting around not doing much and your girlfriend has had a busy day and is ready to kick her feet up and relax. Now wait for her to sit down on the couch beside you and put her feet up. Just as she gets comfortable, look over at her and say, "Sweetie, do you mind making me a sandwich?" This simple test will give you all the answers you need But seriously, just remember these four things: 1) Always fight fair! Don't bring up past fights that have been resolved and don't attack her family or tell her she's just like her mom (I learned that one the hard way), Also don't use swear words during a fight, 2) Never go to bed mad! You don't always have to resolve every fight immediately, but just make up before you go to bed, I don't have to tell you how good making up can be 3) Don't have separate bank accounts! What's yours is hers and what's hers is yours. There's nothing wrong with each of you having a little walking around money, but in the end finances are the biggest thing couples fight about (that and kids ) 4) This is the most important of all. DO NOT go into your marriage thinking divorce is an option! You both need to agree that there is nothing you can't work through. Once you threaten divorce it's a very slippery slope, so just don't do it.

Anyways, don't let anyone tell you you're too young. I only knew my wife for 6 months before I married her and we're coming up on 10 years this June. We have 3 kids and I still love her as much as the day we got married. Everyone meets their soulmate at different times in their lives and either your ready or your not, age shouldn't matter. You're the only one who can decide whether you're ready or not. Good luck and God bless.

[Fishndude]

Stop blaming yourself and blame HER. She needs to love you for who you are and not who she wants you to be.

ohhhhh!.......and what Steve said!!

[cantexduck]

Not married(yet) but whatever you do................ always tell the truth and be honest to yourself and her.

[TEAM SHARK]

My advise is to make sure that you both are Christians or it will never work. You will be a stat. Now I am not saying that because you follow the Lord that there are any guarantees, but it will be alot easier!!

Second, I would recommend one book that does work. "Men are from Mars,Women are from Venus". Simple and Honest.