School situation with my 12 yr old

[Marco]

Words dont mean anything. He needs to learn to ignore. Now hands on him and he needs to knock them on their ***.this or you can just whip the dads *** and call it good. I had similar situation with my daughter but she was being verbally abused by a boy. Couldn't touch the boy but his dad was different story. No longer had issues with boy after I "spoke" to his dad.

[Marco]

Funny / sad story about one of my very good friends. We are at a party having fun. He talks to the right/wrong girl. Said girl's boyfriend gets upset and they go outside. Fight ensues and buddy form tackles him and jumps on him just pummeling him. The guy on his back reached up and stuck his thumb in my friends' eye and grabbed his cheek with his fingers. Completely changed the outcome of what happened. I got him before it turned horrible.

We used to have a sort of code, but after that, bets were off. After seeing his eye that evening and for the ongoing weeks it was understood that the fight game had changed, lol.

The game has never changed. There is no "fair" in a fight....

[jer_james]

The game has never changed. There is no "fair" in a fight....

I meant for us personally - we thought we were good guys fighting the battles and being respectful and all that garbage, lol.

That altercation changed that for us.

[jshouse]

I am guessing the school she teaches in does not have any sort of a behavior unit?

When I talk about a behavior unit, all my kids are either diagnosed with an Emotional Disturbance or one of 13 OHI's. Other Health Impairment such as Fetal Alcohol, ADD, ADHD, etc.

I have been an elementary school resource officer for 4 years, I have 3 schools now but for my first 2 years I had another school with the behavioral unit in it and I can verify that everything he says he's seen happens daily in these rooms. I have arrested 5th graders for assaulting teachers and have taken several more from 3-6th grade into custody and transported them to mental hospitals due to threats of suicide, one of which actually went through with it, about a month after bringing a kitchen knife to school and cutting one of our officers during lunch in the cafeteria.

I have seen kids suspended for CLEARLY defending themselves, because the school says it takes two to fight. I have also seen kids that only stepped in to break it up also get ISS, because they ended up pushing or being pushed.

The schools are careful with what they tell me, but I am around these kids enough to know when one of them is upset and usually if I ask what's going on they will tell me they are having issues with another student. I will then let the admin know and talk with the other kid.

When my oldest was in 3rd grade he got picked on one day after school by a known instigator. There were 6th graders around and the other kid was showing off and tripped my son and pulled his arm behind his back and held him down. I called the principal the next day, who I had known for a few years, and told her what had happened and she said the after school teacher was about to suspend the other kid already for other stuff. I said that's fine but I've told my son that if he feels threatened by him again, to punch him in the nose and don't stop until a teacher is there to make him. She laughed at first then realized I was serious and said she will take care of it.

The 2 knuckleheads are good buddies now in 5th grade.

That being said, I have parents contact me all the time wanting to file charges against other kids after a fight. After we talk about i have yet to have a family go through with it, but it's crazy to hear all the parents that literally can not believe that their kid MIGHT have been at fault at something.

[GarGuy]

Growing up,I was always a big kid for my age and could hold my own. When i was 12, there was a 15 year old that rode my bus. he was huge and mean. He would treat me terrible and i was scared to death of him. it was a daily think morning and evening for him to push me around, pull my ears, rub my face on the bus floor etc. Bus driver knew it and did nothing.

I got to the point that i was nausiated at the thought of riding the bus and begged for someone to take me to school. My grandfather took me and as we rode, he asked me what the heck was wrong with me. i told him the whole story. he told I was riding the bus going forward and that if i didnt deal with the situation he would deal with me worse than the boy was.

The next morning when that kid got on the bus he walked straight to me and said i was in his seat. I stood up, loaded up with all i had and hit him right between the eyes. he went down with a severely broken nose. the bus had not even started moving yet and the driver helped him off the bus. I was taken to the office at school and explained the entire situation much of which the driver confirmed. I was not punished. When i got home i told my granddad what happened and he said i dealt with it well.

the boy missed school the next day but the following, he got on the bus with two big black eyes and tape across the bridge of his nose. I was scared to death as he walked up and I just hit him again just like i had done two days before right on that broken nose. talk about a blood trail! the principal did not see the humor in that one.

That ended it though the fellow grew up and is some what of a friend to this day. As a matter of fact, i think he might just be a TBHer. No telling how long that would have gone on had I not gathered the courage to confront the situation.

[gigem95]

Growing up,I was always a big kid for my age and could hold my own. When i was 12, there was a 15 year old that rode my bus. he was huge and mean. He would treat me terrible and i was scared to death of him. it was a daily think morning and evening for him to push me around, pull my ears, rub my face on the bus floor etc. Bus driver knew it and did nothing.

I got to the point that i was nausiated at the thought of riding the bus and begged for someone to take me to school. My grandfather took me and as we rode, he asked me what the heck was wrong with me. i told him the whole story. he told I was riding the bus going forward and that if i didnt deal with the situation he would deal with me worse than the boy was.

The next morning when that kid got on the bus he walked straight to me and said i was in his seat. I stood up, loaded up with all i had and hit him right between the eyes. he went down with a severely broken nose. the bus had not even started moving yet and the driver helped him off the bus. I was taken to the office at school and explained the entire situation much of which the driver confirmed. I was not punished. When i got home i told my granddad what happened and he said i dealt with it well.

the boy missed school the next day but the following, he got on the bus with two big black eyes and tape across the bridge of his nose. I was scared to death as he walked up and I just hit him again just like i had done two days before right on that broken nose. talk about a blood trail! the principal did not see the humor in that one.

That ended it though the fellow grew up and is some what of a friend to this day. As a matter of fact, i think he might just be a TBHer. No telling how long that would have gone on had I not gathered the courage to confront the situation.

Wow!


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[agwrestler]

I was picked on a bunch in grade school and jr high with stories to match most of the scenarios in the posts above. My head was proportionally bigger vs my body and cleft lip so there were "opportunities" for bullies.

I started wrestling in high school and have never been in the same situations again. Some of that is coincident with people maturing. However, I feel having the knowledge/ability to fight gave me confidence that kept any bullying from escalating like it had in the past, without physical confrontation.

[TimH]

The only part I disagree with is that his 'kid was wrong'. What do you expect him to do? Sit there and wear it? Boys will be boys. No need to go in to meeting with guns blazing, but I sure hope the other participant and his family have a meeting as well.

Agreed!

[jshouse]

I was picked on a bunch in grade school and jr high with stories to match most of the scenarios in the posts above. My head was proportionally bigger vs my body and cleft lip so there were "opportunities" for bullies.

I started wrestling in high school and have never been in the same situations again. Some of that is coincident with people maturing. However, I feel having the knowledge/ability to fight gave me confidence that kept any bullying from escalating like it had in the past, without physical confrontation.

Agree. My son's are starting BJJ in a few weeks after football is over. Most of the time the ability to handle yourself in a fight isn't as important as the confidence in yourself to do it.

[mikemorvan]

I'm just curious, but back in yalls day everybody was the same size with the same physical capabilities?

Seems like that could put a few kids at a disadvantage.

Just knowing that a guy is willing to throw hands ends a lot of trouble before it starts. A kid that makes it known he's not going to take much gruff has an advantage over one that doesn't.

I'll also refer everyone to the classic movie "3:00 High". Classic greatness. Every puncher has a chance.

[jshouse]

Just knowing that a guy is willing to throw hands ends a lot of trouble before it starts. A kid that makes it known he's not going to take much gruff has an advantage over one that doesn't.

I'll also refer everyone to the classic movie "3:00 High". Classic greatness. Every puncher has a chance.

Also the fight scene from Dazed and Confused, that one didn't turn out as well for the underdog....

[ByronB]

I have to ask all the John Wayne's in this thread that tell their kids to 'handle it'- what do you tell them to do next after they get the snot beat out of them when they try to 'defend' themselves and fight back?

"Problem solved" my arse.

Funny....I’m a John Wayne but my son has never actually been in a fight. No one would mess with him other than the two idiots his Junior Year in HS. They were very fortunate the Teacher interjected. LOL......and let me be clear I would never want either of my kids to ever be in a fight anyways. If they have to defend themselves that is one thing. Otherwise....enjoy Life. Too much stress in our daily lives anyways.

[mikemorvan]

Also the fight scene from Dazed and Confused, that one didn't turn out as well for the underdog....

True enough. You roll your dice and take your chances. But at least you take a shot. No guarantees in the fight game.

[wow]

Had the same problem when my daughter was in 6th grade another girl and her friend decided to pick on her. I told the principal what was going on and that this was on his court also if it happens again I had told my daughter to handle it.
About 2 weeks later the bully hit Lenora with her jacket that had a heavy zipper in it.
The teacher told me all she saw was fists, elbows and knees from Lenora.
I was called to the school and I walked in asked what happened told my daughter good girl, lets go get an ice cream.
I do not tolerate bullies nor do my 3 children.
She got 3 days iss but was never picked on again. She is now a Jr. at Sam Houston.

[mikemorvan]

Also the fight scene from Dazed and Confused, that one didn't turn out as well for the underdog....

Just for another movie reference, i'd refer "Cool Hand Luke". Luke got it handed to him by DragLine. But Luke won much respect and didn't have to fight again.

I know this is a real situation, not movie / fantasy land. But sticking up for yourself has merit. Not everyone is going to win, but sometimes a kids gotta do what a kids gotta do.