Stop fighting Cancer........

[CabezaBlanca]

Or you can stand up, shake hands with the Doctor and Explain to him that 74 years was a long life filled with great memories and ask the him "How long do I have to make arrangements"? On February 26th 2018 my Pops did just that , he was told 3 maybe 4 months before it would take him. 64 Days later on May 4th, 16 days before his 75th birthday he left this world.

What I learned from this as a son, there are two types of fights that are going to happen.

One is from the person that has been diagnosed and wants to fight for more time on this earth, or they want to fight to let go.

The second is from the family that wants to fight for every moment that can get with the person they love.

As humans it is in our very nature to fight to survive , even when there is no chance to do so, it is what and who we are.

Pops didn't want to fight, but he did not give up either, He told me what he wanted and I agreed to enforce his last wishes even though I knew it was going to cause me problems. I watched him go from being semi active, to needing help with more things, losing weight, and having lots of visitors at the house, family dinners every Sunday. And then it was time, he was losing his fight slowly but he said..Son, its time. I don't want any more visitors, no more family, I don't want them seeing me like this, I enforced his wishes. 3 weeks later found us helping him in and out of bed, that evening he fell out of bed trying to stand one last time on his own and his lucidity was fading. I picked him up and made the call to hospice that the time was near and I wanted to move him into town. 2 days later he opened his eyes while I was rubbing his head and my mother was on the opposite side of the bed, he looked around at us and closed his eyes and drew his last breath..no funeral or services would be held, as he wanted it to be.

One thing that stuck with me was something my Pops said.."I didn't know dying was going to be so hard"

God bless you sir!

[shea.mcphail]

Give me cancer all day every day over Alzheimer's. I haven't had a back and forth conversation with my mom in 5+ years yet I see her every week.

Lost my grandmother back in ‘09 to Alzheimer’s. I remember one of my last visits with her. She was staring out the front room window sitting in her nice armchair. My mother told her, “Shea is here.” She said my name a few times and went back to staring out the window. She hadn’t been able to say anyone else’s name in a while before that. It made me feel a little special, yet guilty at the same time. Here was the woman that always finished our phone conversations with, “guess what? I love you.” Every time. Without fail.

I never want to experience that sort of hell.

[BigCohiba]

Lost my mom almost 2 years ago to metastatic breast cancer which had worked its way into her bones and lungs. This was after a long remission period, rediagnosis, multiple rounds of chemo, radiation, and surgery. She was a fighter - but she was also on a mission. All of this coincided with my dad suffering from severe dementia. She made it her mission to take care of him. He passed away peacefully at 91 not knowing who any of us were. He always knew who my mom was though. It was great to see his face light up when she entered the room. Once my dad was gone, her mission had been fulfilled in her mind. She passed in the hospital 6 months after my dad died - pneumonia due to cancer in the lungs. She knew the end was near prior to the pneumonia taking hold. She said “this is no way to live” on a few occasions. I couldn’t disagree with her after all she had been through. She was 83 and sharp as a tack. My dad was an awesome man - but my mom became my hero over time based on my observations of how she cared for my dad. I hope my wife loves me that much - lol.

From my perspective cancer and dementia are both terrible. One rots the body while the individual is completely aware and suffering both physically and mentally. The other rots the mind but the individual doesn’t really know what’s happening. Which is worse? Who can really say? They are both horrible.

Every day healthy is a gift. Enjoy it like it’s your last day in this world - it could be!

[bboswell]

Or you can stand up, shake hands with the Doctor and Explain to him that 74 years was a long life filled with great memories and ask the him "How long do I have to make arrangements"? On February 26th 2018 my Pops did just that , he was told 3 maybe 4 months before it would take him. 64 Days later on May 4th, 16 days before his 75th birthday he left this world.

What I learned from this as a son, there are two types of fights that are going to happen.

One is from the person that has been diagnosed and wants to fight for more time on this earth, or they want to fight to let go.

The second is from the family that wants to fight for every moment that can get with the person they love.

As humans it is in our very nature to fight to survive , even when there is no chance to do so, it is what and who we are.

Pops didn't want to fight, but he did not give up either, He told me what he wanted and I agreed to enforce his last wishes even though I knew it was going to cause me problems. I watched him go from being semi active, to needing help with more things, losing weight, and having lots of visitors at the house, family dinners every Sunday. And then it was time, he was losing his fight slowly but he said..Son, its time. I don't want any more visitors, no more family, I don't want them seeing me like this, I enforced his wishes. 3 weeks later found us helping him in and out of bed, that evening he fell out of bed trying to stand one last time on his own and his lucidity was fading. I picked him up and made the call to hospice that the time was near and I wanted to move him into town. 2 days later he opened his eyes while I was rubbing his head and my mother was on the opposite side of the bed, he looked around at us and closed his eyes and drew his last breath..no funeral or services would be held, as he wanted it to be.

One thing that stuck with me was something my Pops said.."I didn't know dying was going to be so hard"

Powerful message!

My Step Father is fighting stage 4 bone and lung cancer now. Based on past experiences I never expected him to fight it yet he is.

[M.E.B.]

I have lost loved ones to cancer and to Alzheimer’s. My MIL is on the down hill slide from Alzheimer’s right now.

My wife has a good chance of having it too.

I hope I do not put anyone through what I have gone through and expect to go through again.

[Texastaxi]

My paternal grandpa died from kidney cancer, before I was born.
I don't know what treatment he took, if any.

My paternal grandma died from gastrointestinal cancer about 15 years ago.
She beat colon cancer, and lived 20 something years past that. She didn't take any treatment for the cancer that took her. I don't know if that was by choice or because she didn't know what was happening.
I remember her laying, moaning, in a hospital bed, 2 days before she died. She was not a woman that complained about pain, so I knew she was suffering.

My dad died from 3 different cancers, this January, combinations of what his mother and father had.
His was treated first with surgery. Then radiation. Then chemo pills; the first of which he tolerated well, but didn't do anything to slow down his very aggressive cancer. The last pills they had him on, made him very sick. He lost a LOT of weight and went from a normal person to just a shell of a man, in the course of 3 months. I was with him the last 4 days of his life, and even in that short span, it was painful to watch his decline. I still have nightmares, almost every night, about those four days. He fought for as long as he could; I think it was for Konnor, more than anything. January 3rd, the day I left here to go stay with him, I had the last coherent conversation with him. I was kneeling by his recliner, with my head in his arm. He told me, "this is part of life". I knew then, that he had fought as long as he could. He left this world on January 6th.

Is it worth the fight? If you asked him, he'd tell you that every extra minute that he got to spend with Konnor was worth every bit of misery that he endured. I think it's different for everyone. The doctors told him that the cancer would kill him; there was no known treatment for what he had. They tried everything they could to extend his life, even though none of it worked.

I hope that Konnor doesn't have to see me, the way I saw my dad, but with the history of it, in our family, I believe it's inevitable. This has consumed me, since my dad's death. Every minute, that my mind is idle, is spent thinking about this.

[CrookedArrow]

I totally agree with the statements above on when it is time to leave this earth,then it is time. Someone stated about young children and younger adults and going through cancer.

Yes. If either of my daughters had a serious disease I would hope they could fight it and win of course. Then again I see them just starting in life and would like for them to be here for a while.

I am by no means kicking our older generation to the grave. If I were to live to be 90 in my mind I think I got a fair slice of this place we call earth, living and experiencing. I hope that makes sense.

My MILs cancer is so bad the rib bones are literally being dissolved by this awful disease. She is on the pill for cancer. There is no reversing this cancer or stopping it. Hard to grasp for my wife.

Death is imminent. As much as we are a part of living dying has to come to us. It is a hard fact to deal with. It is a full circle. Some of us are blessed to borrow time for many yrs and others are not so fortunate.

Watching someone die more so a loved one is an etch in your brain that will NEVER go away. I watched my mom in Hospice for 4 months as she slowly passed a long struggle with her diseases.

I have told my wife. If and when I ever come to that stage where it is time. I ask the Good Man above to please not let me go through what I have seen in my past. Like others stated. At that time it may be time for me to go out find my peace and not return.